Black Relationships : Ladies: What is your definition of a "nice guy"?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by MsInterpret, May 31, 2013.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I know I'm not the only one who is tired of hearing that "nice guys finish last", and that women only want jerks.

    So what is a "nice guy", ladies? What are the traits, personality, and/or characteristics?
     
  2. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    honest, communicates, and trustworthy.
     
  3. MimiBelle

    MimiBelle Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hear this whole 'nice guy finishing last' stuff with men.... I mean - really...what woman do you know would 'friend-zone' an available attractive man?
    ... then they're all, 'I didn't get women until I graduated and started making x amount of money.'
    Well, duh. By why complain about the women who didn't want you before? Just be glad that a woman's willing to let you touch her now.

    *******************

    Seems like men have a different def of a 'nice guy' than me so I'll give my perspective:

    It's not that you can't be a decent person. 'I have to treat all women like s--t because that's what they like'...and for the record? I don't understand the logic but any man who actually believes that 'women' generally like to be lied/deceived/cheated/hit on is entirely too simple to function (or breed). You don't approach or attempt to understand feminine issues from a masculine perspective (and vice versa, I might add).

    So, 'nice guys'.
    Most women don't like p--sies in much the same way that most men don't like b--hes.

    A 'nice guy' is...a man with low self esteem who fulfills my 'honey-dos' without question and ingratiates himself in order to guilt-trip me into a pity relationship/sexual encounter.
    These men are 'nice'...b/c they have to be. I don't know if it's a question of looks. In fact, I'm not sure it is because I've, honestly, dated a man who wasn't my physical type.
    Shorter than I liked. Not ugly but not too cute in the face... but d*mn was he smooth!
    He was just a MAN! <-- I mean that in a good way.
    I like masculine men. Dominant men.
    Of course, 'swag' doesn't pay the bills but....*laugh*
    It's a good start.
    You know that a man's got it when he's making you feel the sort of crazy that's usually inspired by males who are FAR better-looking. You wonder if this is what it is to be 'sprung' and...after a while, you actually forget that you're the only one in the relationship with 'options'.
    Those were very confusing times.

    -- A 'nice guy' is the sort who, after a night out with his friend, has to sleep in the car while his friend is 'getting some' with some random woman they met that night.

    -- A 'nice guy' does whatever you tell him to do. 'Like a good, boy'. I want a man who is respectful and treats me well. But...I want a MAN. Not a doormat. Not someone to control and 'run' over. Not someone who hides behind me. I don't want a man who gives every bit of his power away...to me. MOST women don't. I usually don't get to speak for all but I will on this end.
    Even if a woman is dominant and actively seeks an extremely submissive man? Yeah, she'll love this submissive man. She'll marry this extremely docile mate but she will never truly respect him as a man. That's been my observation.

    -- A 'nice guy' tends to worship women in an UNhealthy manner. Idolatry. It's fine to 'love' women. I've known a lot of men who 'love females'. How we're built. How we look...but there's a difference between that and straight-up idolatry. I do believe that women should be cherished and protected but I have something of an issue with 'pedestal-propping' to the extreme.

    -- A 'nice guy' is the sort of man who'll say some s---t like, "If I'm so nice, why don't you like me?" and have you putting your head together with two to four of your closest friends to ponder why that is.

    -- A 'nice guy' is the sort of man who'll complain to you about how he can only 'pull fat chicks'. (he also told you about that time where he had to sleep in the car while his friend gets lucky...in addition to his other embarrassing sex encounters.).

    -- A 'nice guy' is the sort of man who other men won't even notice as they're coming up to 'talk' to you or get your number. <--- True Story. I asked the man in a low whisper, 'So, you just walked up and started talking to me... and I was wondering -- how'd you know that him and I weren't together?"
    He looks confused, "You and who...?"
    "Uh...me and my friend?" I pointed with a thumb and laughed. "Dude sittin' right next to me!" No, he was literally sitting right next to me!
    He just glanced over. Shrugged and said, "Oh. Well...."
    I don't feel bad about my assessments of these types. In my experiences, other men can look at these guys and sense 'it', too.

    -- A 'nice guy' is the sort of man who you try to like 'because he's good for you'. If only you get past everything about him that turns you off.
    CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! *laugh*
    Seriously.

    Now -- I'll be honest. I 'be really feeling myself sometimes'...*laugh*...and I like tell myself that my husband is so rare because he's a very attractive and non-bible thumping Christian 'good guy' with impressive professional credentials. We did weekly premarital counseling at his request AND... he's planning a marital retreat.
    He's so...committed to making 'us' work because he 'wants this to work'.

    But...don't be phased by the stats and glowing description and please - PLEASE - don't think that I got him out of the box like this! *laugh*
    I caught him on the cusp of 40. Well past his twenties and early-mid 30's...which was AFTER he 'got his run out' and decided that he was tired of:
    1. Being 'baller-rific'.
    2. 'Ho'in' .
    3. 'Substituting lap dances for love'.
    ...and it dawned on him 'all of the sudden' that he needed a wife and desired a family....

    When you date a man who actually has a lot going for him...and I'm not talking about these $40,000/year millionaires? The rules change. Flip. Though, many men usually won't comprehend or appreciate the full dynamic of this change? The man actually does have the upper hand in the dating arena. He has 'options'.

    So, in my husband's younger years? Yes, he was a womanizin' bastard like the rest of the 'creme of the crop' males ....
    I saw the residual when he and I started dating/getting serious.
    That's why we argued so much (or...I argued... *laugh*) over 'time spent' in the beginning. His job keeps him away. Even now.
    SMH
    I manage to swallow a lot of my frustrations and work through it because I don't want to start a battle when he's away. Plus, I feel like... I'm being unreasonable?
    I dunno, TMI...but the 'red plague' is near. *laugh* My husband knows better than to suggest it (to my face) but ... maybe I am just being 'hormonal'?
    Plus, we've had this same argument 100 times...and we were supposed to have arrived at an understanding. But every so often I just get so annoyed. While I support him, I feel like I might as well be a single woman. I suppose I get annoyed because I am, honestly, not the sort of woman who is content to never see their man so long as he keeps 'bringing her a paycheck' in the first place.
    Anyway...so, his job kept him a-traveling.
    Then - every time you turned around - his 'fans' kept popping up. It was a misunderstanding (one's an ex-wife. The other's some woman that required a restraining order, who'd do periodic drive-bys. For instance.) but I was ready to walk.
    "What are we doing?"
    Inconsistency is the 3nd worst trait that a human being can have, imo. If you say that you're going to do something? You'd better f'in' do it or follow through.... I don't like excuses. I can't deal with people who don't follow through with anything.

    To be clear, it's no problem to like variety if you're laying out your expectations. If we both know where stand. If we're both noncommittal.
    However - if a man tells me that we 'need to take it to the next level' and 'wants me to move in with him' ... basically, that he wants me to be his woman...and he's still acting out?

    Anyway...
    That's why some women date ugly men. Some women subscribe to the belief that it's better that your husband be more in love with you...and this, imo, is a mentality borne of tiredness and 'men fatigue'. *laugh* I've met women like this, too.
    Similar to women who stay with well-to-do/WEALTHY/rich cheating husbands? It's not that these women are necessarily shallow.
    More like...they've just given up which is wayyyy sadder. They've resigned themselves to a few 'love facts'.
    They pick their poison.
    These women tend to believe that...'all men are alike'. That 'when you deal with men, you're going to deal with bulls--t, regardless but at least when they're husband steps out? They can be unhappy living in Mc/Mansion. Consoling themselves with things mostly bought with their hubby's money.'
    *shrug*
    Not sure if I could do that. Not about to judge it, though.
    ...I understand. Maybe I believe in a little of it and that's why? I dunno. *shrug*
    Honestly, in their defense? Most women settle for far less.
    I say, if you're going to settle?
    Date 'up' and settle...BIG.
    *laugh*

    And...after awhile, I guess? Some women just hear that bio clock, realize that the lonely guy in the corner is the best they can do and decide to flip a coin.
    Not bad. Many of these guys tend to be very successful. No one dates them so they have all the time in the world to apply themselves. They're probably very good and respectful partners, too.
    It's a good deal. As I've said before most women settle for way worse.
     
  4. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yeah women make the mistake of wanting a man to do whatever she says, but the problem with this is, they are normally passive and they will most likely cheat on you rather than be man enough to tell you it's over. great post!
     
  5. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yes, I'm tired of hearing that, "all women want bad boys" bit; many men say this, yet all of them according to their own judgement fall under, "good guys" and not "bad boys" when a woman wants them.

    When you ask for the definition, do you mean a real nice guy that women would and do date, or the one everyone has come to despise that people call pushover?
     
  6. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Your definition...Whatever definition comes to mind
     
  7. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Do you guys realize this is a one sided debate?





    ..
     
  8. houserunner

    houserunner Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LOL, it looks like this thread was started as a discussion more than a debate.
     
  9. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you.
     
  10. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    It's a one sided discussion.





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