Black Women : LADIES ONLY! Do you find it hard to be friends with other women?

[cherryblossom]

Hmmmm....I beg to differ on that...
I've seen how some older women act, and they can be just as catty with other women.
There's this social club where I live, and a lot of older people hang out there...And at night it turns into a dance club, but if I were to walk in there (which I think I'm going to tonight lol), the older women get really mean and they give mean glares and talk mad crap if you talk to one of the older men in there and he's buying you drinks and is flirting...

Again, young or older, it's insecurity and low self-esteem. SOME women, no matter their age will be catty to other women whom they view as a "threat," who "intimidate" them in some way, whom they envy for some physical and/or personality characteristic.

Many women think other women be "hatin" on them because of how they LOOK: body, hair, fashion, etc.. But, often, it's usually more than just aesthetics. ---- Sometimes, it's some other "quality" like a "vitality," a "bubbly-ness," a "magnetism," a "strength," etc..

....Like when a woman who is not all that so-called "pretty" gets a lot of attention from men because she's deemed a "Sexy woman." --- She's no "beauty queen" but she exudes a certain "sex appeal" without even TRYING to be "sexy." --- She has this same "sexiness" whether she has on a clingy dress or a t-shirt and sweat-pants.

And women who hafta WORK at being "sexy" (lol) don't understand it, wish they had it, and are jealous.

For some women, it takes them longer than others to become "comfortable in their own skin." ---- And once they do so, they won't view/treat other women the same way. They will revel in their "uniqueness" and that "energy" will draw men to them (as well as women who admire that sincere quality in them).

And I say "sincere" because, with some women, on the surface, (let THEM tell it) they have NO "insecurities." ---They present themselves to the world as so "confident" and secure in who they are. --- But, often this is low self-esteem at work....a "front" and a "MASK" for how they really think/feel about themselves. They "over-compensate" for their low self-esteem as coming off so "I'm not 'conceited.' I'm just 'convinced."

*Yeah, riiiight....Well, "who are you trying to 'convince,' me or YOU??"*


And, sadly, some women NEVER really see themselves and will go thru life being hateful and catty to other women. The only female friends they have are "birds of a feather" who are just as "hateful/catty" as they are.

These women usually end up with no man, alone and bitter.....and, for the life of them, can't seem to figure out WHY.

THIS is probably that group of women you've encountered at that club.

 

[cherryblossom]

..... though i don't have lots of memories of being in competition or controversy with other Sisters in my youth ... that could just be specific to me and my circumstances ... with the overall energy of life, continuing it, etc., more prevalent than i was aware of.

..

No, it's not just you, Destee....Even in my 20s and 30s, I didn't have that "competition" against/with other women. ---- Yes, I experienced it from some of them, though.

But, for me, if a guy was more interested in another female than me, yeah, it mighta "stung" my ego a little but I could "let it flow" cuz I also knew, like a bus, I could "catch" the next one, anyway.
*snap-snap* (lol)

Plus, long ago, I made some of the words of Zora Neale Hurston (from "How It Feels To Be Colored Me") to be my personal mantras:

"....No, I do not weep at the world--I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife."

".... it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me."

Now, yes, Zora was talking about the "color divide;" but I incorporated these words and outlooks to my life in general to be self-encouraging, self-motivating whenever something or someone "rocked" me or pushed me back a little.

.....Like Chaka Khan said, "I'M every woman. It's all in ME! ANYTHANG you want done, baby, I do it NATURALLY!"

 

[Angela22]

Nah, I have no trouble being friends with the gals. Most are in my family, anyhow, and so I'd better learn to be friends, seeing as they're there all the time. I don't find it hard at all because I put aside competitiveness since truthfully, I never saw the point in competing over some guy, or trying to "look better" than anyone.

I look how I look, no need to try to "enhance" myself like I'm a car or something.

And if he likes her, what do I want him for? If he likes me, and she likes him, I lay it plain, especially if I don't feel for the guy. If someone's a friend, I wouldn't drop them to get with a guy, that's harsh; he can show up and disappear anytime just looking for a hook up, but a real friend will be there forever, and that's what I try to be to the gals at home!