Black Relationships : LADIES: A Question - do you view romance in a fairy tale / harlequin novel kinda way?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Kemetstry, Mar 1, 2009.

  1. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    On another site, I challenged a female about her views on romance. So she put me to the test and took a survey. Only to find out I was right. Guys think about love, romance and intimacy waaaaaay different than dolls.

    Question: Were you raised to view romance in a fairy tale/harlequin novel kinda way? Where the one/ prince charming/ your soulmate will come into your life and make you happy?
    :luvv:


    :em2200:















    :lol:
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Now i gotta hear this one from the ladies !!!
     
  3. asimplepoet

    asimplepoet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was raised with the view that you go make it happen for yourself first. Get yourself together first and then through the law of attraction you wull attract that which you are putting out there. My parents bought me up on the concept of women being helpmate. So she's got to bring something to the table to add to the man and not take away. However over the course of the years I have learned this isn't the popular view
     
  4. mizjoice

    mizjoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was raised by a very disillusioned mother who had gone thru a very bitter divorce. She strongly emphasized independence and having your own. In a converse way, this prevented any of my early relationships from succeeding--because at the first sign of discord, I was out of there. It took a while to learn how to work thru disharmony to resolution......a lesson that only true love teaches.

    Ironically enough, my mom married the husband she was meant to have in her 50's, after many lessons learned. (So I remain hopeful!)

    There is always much talk about woman buying into the fairy tale, given to us by popular media, and mothers. But I am more interested in knowing ('cause really I don't know!)--what are men told about what romantic expectations to have? Do men believe in such a thing as a "soulmate"? Please be honest about this: are men nurtured (by men) to pursue sex instead of love?
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I was pretty much told by a woman how to be romantic , so i learn romancing is the second part to a healthy
    relationship, my hearts expectation is high, I was never nutured to the sexual side but to love.
    I also learn before loving you have to seek within the mind and soul of a mate whole beings
    spiritually / mentally / morally / physically .
    Pursue love : Sex is lust or a passion but for me. I need a soulmate to share my all
    in a passionate means so it's not an act of lust or passion but the moment of sharing love sensually
    Sex fall short to what is first and comes in dead last when it comes to true love
    but sex can be the factor to continue in a quest to love when one have to wait a life time to get !
     
  6. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :luvv:YEP....BLACKSOLUTELY!

    To quantify this I MUST say...and I think I've said before...
    I was a reader. When many of the kids were out on the block playing games I was sitting on the steps with my head in a BOOK. I started out with the ones I found around the house. They were black erotic types books..with the "nasty" stuff people did in the bedroom This was @ the age of 9-11. I would also read the magazines I found in various places. In them were cards for Harlequin novels. I found I could fill that form out and they would send me 6 books at a time. A bill would come as well and I just trashed that. I knew someone along the line that they could not extract payment from me...I was ONLY 11 or so. And I read those books and every week a new shipment would come . So YES....I raised myself on those novels.
    Much of what I learned about relationships and romance in those books were SUPPORTED by the messages I got in school, tv shows that the adults watched (SOAP OPERA'S) along with the messages from BOTH the men and women in my life. When the adults fought and broke up, it was because the partner's "cheated" (men) or the women were not "playing their role". Yes, the women then....during the 70's, were NOT being the "stay at home in the kitchen" types. They were being free to bar-hop and finger pop like the men did...they were "LIBERATED" and while the men were ok with them during the partying times (friday- saturday nite), they wanted a big sunday meal or really for me....their were no men in the home. Friends who had fathers or mom's boyfriends full time in their homes, they all seemed to work towards the same type of romantic love presented in the books and t.v. Gender roles were adhered to and if the men in those relationships cheated, the women accepted this and were viewed as "needy" type women willing to put up with some b.s. to have a man around. The women in my family did not go for that.
    So for me..YES ...this harlequin romance type is what was supposed to happen ..NATURALLY.... "True Love" was a spark of intense likely, followed by fierce denial and ending in acceptance and living happily ever after.
    Everybody believed that is how it was SUPPOSED to be. You meet, fall in love, work together and live happily ever after... and one more thing...

    the MUSIC and messages in the MUSIC...motown R&B ole skool music....SUPPORTED THESE MESSAGES as well. And that's the music we listened to in my home and community.
    i.e "Stone Love" comes to mind right away and if I think more I'll prolly be able to name many more songs that supported this view of romantic love and what we were all looking for.


    ok...ONE more last thing bout the harlequin's. Not only did I take in the messages of the love thing...those novels took me into worlds I did not know existed. I went to Greece, Ireland etc...I learned how the rich lived, learned about horses and different businesses things. Many of the men in those novels were big business tycoons and the women were heiress's having inherited billions from their father's business and they were wealthy in their own right. Many were also portrayed as damsels in distress and many if not all of the women in my family were kinda "damsels in distress" with no "knight in shining armor" to save them or us kids. They allowed me to "dream" big. Romantic love was also shown in the sitcoms of the day as well...teaching us notions of how "family" were supposed to work together...i.e the brady bunch

    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
  7. mizjoice

    mizjoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey Tru, you got me tripping down memory lane! I was a reader too, For a while i was into gothic romances; you know the ones: the handsome stranger with the big castle hires a nanny, but he has dark secrets...etc.

    My mom was censorship! LOL! No Brady Bunch (don't no black folks live like that!), No Shirley Temple (in real life, she's prejudiced!) ,No Elvis (same reason!) That woman kept me grounded in reality (bless her soul

    Loved Music and all the messages that came alone with it.....music has moved from romance to sensuality to sex....when?

    @Rich: thanks for answering back....very insightful!
     
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    :argue::garbage::pie::bomb:

    So basically, your mom imposed her phobias and fears on you? Many parents do this. Thus ruining their children. This seems to be 50:50. Either the fairy tale way or all men aint ish!















     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    LMAO :blowkiss::roll::luvv::em2200:


    Ok, do you realize that the object(s) of your desire dont view things the same way?














     
  10. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    YEP!

    Yet....How is it that it was many MEN perpetuating these messages in their music:?:

    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
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