Black Short Stories : Kyona and Lenae

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by Frenemy, Nov 15, 2013.

  1. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Kyona exited the gate and let out a sigh of relief. She dreaded flight; though she had traveled on planes before. The anxiety kept her sleepless the entire trip and her legs were sore from sitting in the same uncomfortable position for hours, yet as weary as she was, it felt good to get out and stretch. The LAX bustled with people from all corners of the globe while a medley of chatter, rolling luggage and announcements over the public addressing system permeated the airport. She looked around expecting to see a familiar face to jump up from behind the drove of men, women and children screaming, "Kyona!" but there was nobody. She stood, watching others have their happy reunions instead. There were hugs and kisses everywhere. Children giggled, chasing each other around the legs of their parents and adults conversed over coffee. Others smoked cigarettes in the smoking lounge. Kyona's lips pursed slightly. "Lenae.." she sighed. Charlenae was Kyona's best friend since grade school. They had made arrangements over the phone the night before but it seemed Charlenae had forgotten. She shook her head and smiled, reminiscing the wild, party-girl stage that they had gone through together during high school. Maybe Charlenae was still that girl.

    She took a seat near the window, reaching into her Betsey Johnson bag for her blackberry bold and dialed Lenae's cell. No answer. She put the phone back in her bag and pulled her iPod out, playing After The Smoke's "Typical Weekend". Her gaze dropped to the floor where the crepuscular rays of the setting sun had shown down on her big bushy hair and cast a silhouette on the ground that looked like the head of an alien. A few minutes into the song and her eyelids grew heavy.

    ***

    The muffled screeching of tires skidding along the tarmac awoke her. Drake's voice soon followed through her ear buds. She rubbed her dry eyes and yawned, putting her iPod away.

    "Hey, girl." That voice..

    Kyona looked up to see a face that she hadn't seen since her graduation day at Thomas Riley High. "Oh my god, Lenae!"

    The two rushed to embrace each other. Three years is a long time when spent away from loved ones.

    "Girl, lookit'chu.. all sexy up in this bia bia," Lenae joked.

    Kyona grinned, glancing over her own apparel. She sported a puffy grey parka with white fur on the hood, pink acid-washed jeans from Dr Denim and a pair of Jimmy Choo heels. Poking out from her natural bush babe curls were two large, pink hooped earrings. "And look at you, fine lady." she joked back with a chuckle, circling around Lenae. "I see you're still the one with the fatter behind."

    Lenae laughed and struck a pose that accentuated her well endowed physique, batting her eye lashes playfully at Kyona. She was stylishly dressed, herself, with neatly corn-rowed hair. "Let's go get your bags, ba'e. We need to hurry to the hotel and get ready for tonight".

    -To be continued (maybe)

    ***



    I'm back, and I'm looking for a little critique on my short story! :) I've noticed that I rarely use any literary devices. I can't seem to figure out where or how to use them. Any suggestions?
     
  2. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I like it. I could picture what was going on very easily.

    Not certain if I have any ideas for literary devices, though.

    But again, love the read.:)
     
  3. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks, sis! :) Chocolate hearts
     
  4. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Peace Frenemy,

    Welcome back and thank you for sharing.

    regarding your story..

    I feel like: their hasn't been enough story to hook the reader/me... in my opinion.. so the characters lay sort of flat.. frozen in suspended animation.. waiting for the story to take them somewhere.. and develop them into people we care about enough to wonder/follow what happens to them in your story.
     
  5. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi, skuderjaymes! Looking back at it, I can see what you mean. Your points are noted, thank you! :D