- Jun 8, 2004
- 3,210
- 64
NNQueen said:Brother Isaiah, I can only speak for myself based on situations and circumstances I've experienced when I've been "hurt" by men. First, when it comes to men, I have a low threshhold for pain, and I'm extremely sensitive to how they treat me and what they do while with me.
I firmly believe in the "golden rule" so I take what men do--good or bad--very seriously. None of us are perfect so I expect that, sometimes, we may "hurt" each other, but I don't trip over the "small" stuff. As such, not everything a man does that might hurt me will have a lasting or damaging affect on me or us.
But there may be some types of pain that could have a lasting affect depending on the brevity of what was done. If what was done was a direct violation of my basic values or my beliefs--honesty, integrity, respect, etc., it might shake the very foundation of our relationship as a whole because I will feel violated. At that point, I can't sit here and promise that I won't have some issues as a result.
So the pain must run deep to my core in order for it to outweigh any of the so-called "good" that my man has ever done for me. Anything less, I can work with him.
Sister Queenie, I understand your perspective, and I might have said that SOME women respond this way, and not all, because I understand that we all have different personalities...
But even with that concession, I would not conceed that these incidents were "small stuff", or happened as the result of some major violation of some code of ethics and behavior on my part... In fact, the it was the sheer pettiness of it all that that most annoyed me... Like yesterday is past and gone and what have you done for me lately... To which I relate an incident which happened between my mother and I some 23 years ago... As her birthday fell between Thanksgiving and Christmas each year, I gave her about $350 in cash for her to spend as she wished... A week later, on my way home from work, I stopped by her house to say hello... She seemed pleased to see me, until I asked if I could have a cup of tea with some lemon and sugar... At that point she launched off into how I should've bought these things with me before I came...(smile!) This is a week after I put them $350 beans in her pocket... So, I politely bid her a good night, and went on and bought my tea with lemon and sugar from a diner...
To you, this might seem unimportant... To me it was the last straw for her, or any woman who responds/responded to me in that way... Unlike Destee, I don't believe one deserves that kind of treatment from anyone - to be smacked in the face after a good deed - and I sure as hell don't believe I was anymore responsible for my mother's behavior than I was for her bringing me to this plane in the first place... That is an absolutely ludicrous idea - if it can be called an idea at all...
Again, it may well be that MEN are just as guilty of this behavior, but I don't have a great many dealings with men on this tip... Besides Dealings between two men are rarely vested with emotion, so a brother who behaved in this way would, in all truth, be seen as being quite feminine...
Peace!
Isaiah