Black Relationships : KICK ME IN MY TEETH, WILL YA...

Isaiah

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Jun 8, 2004
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It occurs to me that I can compliment an African women until I am blue in the face... I can do all sorts of nice things for her, defend her honor, give her some of the greatest lovin' she ever had, but... If I criticize her, or say something she doesn't like, or hurt her feelings...THAT is what she'll remember... I am not gonna ask brothers up in her for no confirmation on that... I am speaking from my PERSONAL experience, and from a sincere desire to KNOW where that all comes from???

Why do women seemilngly choose to remember how they were hurt over the many times you've brought them joy??? What is the psychological dynamic behind that??? I await your answers, pro and con...



Peace!
Isaiah
 
Blaklioness said:
MOST people hold on to negative experiences more than positive ones. I'm not sure that's a special problem for Black women.

I am not saying it is a special problem for Black Women as much as I am saying it is a problem for WOMEN... This might go over as a kind of chauvinistic perspective, unless you understand what it is to be a man, and not be given the same kind of positive reinforcement that men DO give women, and women take for granted...

Secondly, being criticized is not necessarily a "negative experience." It's all in how one takes the criticism, harsh though it may be. Compliments are not necessarily a positive experience, but, again, it is in how one takes it, smooth and sweet as the compliment may sound(smile!)

I don't hold onto negative experiences, sister Black Lioness, where I lash out at you as if you've never done a kind thing for me in your life... But, yes, I've experienced that sort of behavior from females, from mama to my ex... Today the love your because you have said and done such wonderful things... Tomorrow, however, dare criticize them, and all you did the previous day goes out the window... There is no attempt at balancing the good you've done with the "bad..." But then I fully expect y'all not to acknowledge that...



Peace!
Isaiah
 
Isaiah said:
I am not saying it is a special problem for Black Women as much as I am saying it is a problem for WOMEN... This might go over as a kind of chauvinistic perspective, unless you understand what it is to be a man, and not be given the same kind of positive reinforcement that men DO give women, and women take for granted...

If there are women that you are giving positive reinforcement, being taken for granted, not being treated in the manner that you'd like ... stop giving.


Isaiah said:
Secondly, being criticized is not necessarily a "negative experience." It's all in how one takes the criticism, harsh though it may be. Compliments are not necessarily a positive experience, but, again, it is in how one takes it, smooth and sweet as the compliment may sound(smile!)

Isaiah said:
Why do women seemilngly choose to remember how they were hurt over the many times you've brought them joy???

If a person responds in a manner that could be referred to as "hurt", that's negative, not positive.


Isaiah said:
I don't hold onto negative experiences, sister Black Lioness, where I lash out at you as if you've never done a kind thing for me in your life... But, yes, I've experienced that sort of behavior from females, from mama to my ex... Today the love your because you have said and done such wonderful things... Tomorrow, however, dare criticize them, and all you did the previous day goes out the window... There is no attempt at balancing the good you've done with the "bad..." But then I fully expect y'all not to acknowledge that...

Well, it's not really for us to acknowledge it, that is for you to do. You have presented your own personal experience, with the unique and individual Black women in your life (from mama to ex). I don't know what goes into making relationships be as you've described yours, but i think it would be safe to say that all involved, are responsible for the result(s). There may be some question regarding the degree of culpability, but one cannot feign innocence, while participating.

If these are the type of experiences you're having with the closest Black women in your life ... that might be a clue.

:heart:

Destee
 
Destee said:
If there are women that you are giving positive reinforcement, being taken for granted, not being treated in the manner that you'd like ... stop giving.






If a person responds in a manner that could be referred to as "hurt", that's negative, not positive.




Well, it's not really for us to acknowledge it, that is for you to do. You have presented your own personal experience, with the unique and individual Black women in your life (from mama to ex). I don't know what goes into making relationships be as you've described yours, but i think it would be safe to say that all involved, are responsible for the result(s). There may be some question regarding the degree of culpability, but one cannot feign innocence, while participating.

If these are the type of experiences you're having with the closest Black women in your life ... that might be a clue.

:heart:

Destee

OK, let's take YOU, Destee... YOU are a prime example of what I am talking about... Yes, YOU, sister, exemplify the things I wrote about in this post, because I cannot count the countless number of times I've singled you out for praise, but your response is the same old coldness you exhibit in this thing you wrote up above... In fact, I think it's mad fitting that you are responding to this, because the caps fits you like right mad perfect, like a classic women's business suit...

It fits a number of sisters up in here who say brothers don't support them, brothers don't have their back, brothers don't defend them... Man, check my posts up in here... I defended women when not even YOU, Destee, would defend them.. Been called a pimp, mack daddy, and kiss ***, for defending the perspective of Black Women up in here... Yet, sisters CHOOSE only to see the "low opinion" brothers have of them... Isaiah didn't say that, a particular sister said that... I am not responsible for her feelings, anymore than I am responsible for YOU deciding to create a thread on my so-called pain... I didn't ask you to do that... I did ask you, as per my choice in the matter to delete it, but today it still sits there - by your choice to allow it to sit there...

Furthermore, for you to say that "all involved are responsble" for what goes on their relationships, I wonder if you say that when a man is brutalizing a sister in their relationship??? Do you tell Black women that they are responsible for the treatment they get from Black men, how we lay 'em and leave em, get 'em pregnant and leave 'em, curse them, pimp them and abuse them - are those sisters RESPONSIBLE for what they are getting in those relationships??? Are African people responsible for being the victims of White Supremacy??? Are Dark-Skinned African people responsible for being "passed over", as brother James said??? I await your response to what I've said here...



Peace!
Isaiah
 

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