hmmm.... i don't know where to start with this one. well, first of all, i missed everyone here on destee. i know it's been a minute since i've posted here. but a lot of things have been going on. it all started when i wrote this short story, "in his shoes." i posted it a few months ago. some of ya'll might have read it. anyway, that story was about me and my man. the only difference is, when i wrote it, he wasn't in jail, he was working two jobs and i was happy for him because we all know how hard it is for a black man who has done some time to get one job, let alone two. so, i wrote this story just thinking of how the future would be between me and my man... a future that i didn't want to actually come true... and if you read the story you would know why. so... anyway, i had been with him for about four months and then all of a sudden, he stopped calling. and i've been there before... i have inveseted a lot of time and feelings into realtionships and then ended up getting dumped in the end. so, my first reaction is that he doesn't want to be with me. he lives in another city and everytime that i would call his phone, his brother would make up some kind of story for me but it all didn't make since. i just had a feeling that something was going on. i'm left confused because i was given absolutely no closure at all. i just felt empty inside. so a few months pass by and i'm trying to fill that void. just doing stupid **** that i know i shouldn't have been doing. last night, it just all hit me and i asked myself, "why are you doing this?" and i realized that i'm just unhappy... ever since i stopped talking to him, i have tried to push my feelings to the side. i guess i felt that if i acknowledged the fact that i loved him, i would just break down. but i should have known that love wouldn't let me just block him out. he crept into my mind all of the time. where was he? how did he feel? i decided to call his brother one more time. i told him to just be real with me, no ******** and i flat out asked him if his brother was in jail. i had a feeling that's what happened. and he said yes. the tears started flowing and i asked him why he didn't tell me this before. he said that my boyfriend didn't want anyone to know. he just gave his family the address last week. so i told him to tell his brother that i was trying to contact him. and i will be writing to him soon. i know this is a long story and if you have made it this far... thanks. anyway, i stopped writng my poetry and everything. when we were together, he was the inspiration for all of my poems. and i would find myself learning something new about love everyday just by being with him. so when we lost touch, i stopped writing... now, i guess, i just need some time to think about things... i love him and i miss him. and if still wants to be with me, i'll be right here waitng for him.