Haven't been on in awhile but wanted to talk to my people. Hear me out. I'm not trying to start another IR thread but theres been something I've been struggling with for the last several weeks. I have a very close girlfriend who's been living with a guy for 2 1/2 yrs. or more. She's been a mother to his daughter (now 9 yrs. old), and although he owns his own house has shouldered most of the financial responsibility of the household because she makes more money. She even paid for him to go to vocational school to get a better job. She's been hoping to marry this man (he did ask & bought a ring) but he's been emotionally as well as physically abusive and has cheated on her several times. Now this info I've just given isn't the point because she's left him and moved into her own place now. He's done some major damage to her self-esteem by belittling (sp?) her and comparing her to white women. He's a 40 yr. old man and she's the first black woman he's really been with. He's had two previous marriages to white women and his child is bi-racial. while he was with my friend he cheated on her with white women. Once he made a remark about her staying in the sun too long and not getting darker than she is. This is a woman who has had several men of all races ask her out(and refuses to date white men) and it seems like she should know she can do better. Everytime we talk or see an IR couple she asks, "What do they(meaning black men) see in them?(meaning white women) My response to this has been, "You don't want that kind of a man anyway." Meaning you don't want the kind of man who adores a white woman. Whether you feel it's right or wrong it's a waste of your time to try and change his mind if you're looking to be in a committed relationship. She's beautiful and needs to find a man who appreciates this. Only where we live we-black women-seem to be unpopular with the majority of the black men in our community. What's even more disturbing also is that where I live I'm noticing more and more black women with white men and making the statement, "Black men aren't any good!" I'm also guilty of saying this and to all my brothers out there, no matter what you preference, I apologize. My 8 yr. old daughter was playing with a little boy, he was white, the other day and I realized that she doesn't play with black boys. They are always white. My husband asked her about this and she replied, "Mama said that black men ain't no good." I was taken aback not realizing that I had influenced this. This is no excuse but it was something I said out of resentment towards many black men and their positive attitudes toward white women and lack of respect for black women. My husband then made a good point. Once a few years ago my nephew at tha age of 5 told me, his mama, and grandma that he wanted a white woman because black women were too dark. This angered me cause he's very dark and I wondered if he had an issue with himself at such a young age. Since then I've stressed to him about loving himself and his dark skin because he's beautiful and that white skin is in no way better than he is. I've told him that white women are not more beautiful or better than black women. I have pointed out the love that is given to him by myself, his mama, grandmother, and female cousins and the love he returns to us. Now here is what my husband told me. He said that here I was trying to stress to my nephew that he should choose black women but influencing my daughter, no matter how unintentional, to choose white men. With that attitude what if when my nephew does grow up his choices are slim because black women no longer want black men? So again black men I am sorry. I also want to stress that this thread isn't against IR relationships. I have a male friend I've known since we were six who dates white women but has love for our black people. I'm seeing more and more how our men and women are separating and how strong black families are becoming fading away. I'm sorry for my part in this. I'm that although I married a black man, have always dated black men, & have never desired to be with a white man I haven't always completely belived in my black men. I've always given the thumbs up to sistas with white men and while molding my nephew I was sending the wrong message to my own daughters. Again, brothers, I'm sorry.