Poetry Critiques : Just Feelings

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by flo-real, Apr 19, 2005.

  1. flo-real

    flo-real Active Member MEMBER

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    Can someone please tell me how to fall out of love with a man that I can’t have?
    Or at least tell him that being in love with me…really isn’t that bad…
    See for someone who claims they don’t need me, sure gets mad if I don’t call
    Or if he can’t see me…
    what you need to see, is that I’m the one for you
    It’s obvious by how we act and the things we do…
    we talk the same slang
    And sometimes say the same thangs…so why can’t we try…to be a duo just you & I
    I won’t lie, I think about it all the time, how good the lovemaking would be if U were Mine, and how we grow old together like that good ol’1859 aged wine!
    Now, does that sound good to your ears?
    Then why are U still showing these signs of fear
    I must admit I’m scared as well, but let’s let the universe bind us & cause only time will tell…
    see you have hurt, and I have been hurt many times before…
    but until our paths crossed, I didn’t think that I could love anymore...
    hold on can someone tell me what I ‘m spilling my guts for? Then again don’t bother because it’s for someone I adore!
    But this is the same guy who says he doesn’t want a girl in his life, said he’s had a wife
    And don’t want no more pain, suffering and strife… is that right?
    That’s not what I’m here to do baby…let me tell you what I would do if I were your lady!
    It would start with motivation, that spiritual affection, and positive energy daily!
    Mid-day we’d have a session of course…you know that one where we play…with the number 4
    Oh that’s not enough? Man you tough! Well let me break it down some more
    Since you called my bluff!

    12 am we’ll be on the couch
    1 Am Harry Mary’s in ya mouth
    2 Am we move it to da bed
    3 Am 1 word “head”
    4 Am we makin passionate love
    5 Am relax it down with body rubs
    6 Am the night finally ends

    But rest up cause 12 am…we start all over again…see look at all this love your missin
    All because you don’t want a girlfriend what do we have to lose by at least tryin?
    Even your boys be like he’s lying, he got feelings, he just deny em
    That’s cool because I just wanted to express what I had to say
    And, no bad blood because I’ll continue to kick it wit you day to day!
    So love will play it’s course, just let me know when you ready to step up and call me yours… and I promise I won’t hesitate… unless love finds me elsewhere…and then it will be too late!
     
  2. Intrepid

    Intrepid Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Flow on, Flow on
    I feel what you are talking about
    Been there, still there
    Enjoyed the piece
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    this xpressive flow open new lines of love
    and how it affects a heart in the up and down side

    like the concept of it too , try breaking it down
    in a few stanza's and watch it rise as each meet

    right now it read more like a short story then a poem.
    peace
     
  4. AHMOSE

    AHMOSE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Nice flow
    Thanx for sharing
     
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