Dear Santa, I know you probably wondering why I writing yuh one day after Christmas but after opening mi presents dem yesterday, I just had was to write yuh. Santa, mi was a very good girl all year round. Mi listen to mi mummy when she talk to mi and ah help out wid di chores dem round di house. Ah even help di neighba pickney dem do fi dem chores tuh. One day mi all help out di old crosses Mr. George, the blind an cripple one, cross the road when di odda children dem just ah watch him an ah tek gamble pon what kind of cyar did ah go lick him dung. Santa, dem just lef him deh fi dead, but mi help him out. Santa ah studied real hard in school this year, so hard till mi all come fuss inna di class. Ah make it mi duty to be nice and not naughty Santa. I was so good. Ah real good girl Santa. Santa when ah write mi Christmas list to yuh dis year, ah ask yuh fi a Barbie princess doll, ah Barbie kitchen, ah Dora the Explorer computer game, a cyabbage patch doll and ah monopoly game. So Santa, how the blood claat after reading mi list yuh leave under di Christmass tree ah phukking light up yo-yo, one plastic tea-cup set and ah phukking no name dolly dat look like she have polio and ah dead from marli gripe an fluxxy complain. Santa is either yuh blind or yuh cyah blood claat read!!! Every year ah say ah would stop believing in yuh and like ah dyam fool mi always give yuh ah next chance, but not ah phukking-gain, yuh hear mi Santa? Not a bloodclaat. Yuh hear what ah say Santa? Yuh phukking fat red rass yuh. Yuh see all nex year, yuh betta dont try squeeze yuh big fat batty thru mi louvres dem, because Santa ah swear ah going phukk yuh up. It going to be me, you and dis sharp blood claat knife, so mi can jukk yuh inna yuh belly. Yuh hear mi sah? Mi ah go stab up yuh Bloodcaat. Imagine, yuh give that likkle **** eye gyal Sally from cross di road everything that she ax fah. So much so dat she all nuh have nuh room fi walk round she house. Yuh see all nex year Santa, ah will be back to mi good old self. Dat's right Santa. Ah not going give mummy nuh trouble or cause nuh havoc roun'ere . And Santa, a goin wait pon you patiently ....ah goin wait pon yuh paitently with ah big blood claat rock stone fi yuh backside. And den when you and them blasted reindeer dat favour some dyam oversize goat wid tree branch ah grow otta dem head top, com ho-ho hoing down pon i old rusty zinc nex Chirstmas.....BOOP!!!!! Is one rass lick inna yuh blood claat head. Santa ah going done yuh blood claat, Memba dat yuh hear Santa. Try Memba dat!