Black Poetry : Jam on it

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by rhymebad, Sep 25, 2009.

  1. rhymebad

    rhymebad Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Jam on it

    I eat fudge and like a complete jude make judicial decisions //To avoid critical collisions saw it all over on the televisions //Its strange enough to have to arrange and settle stuff must find //My way back home this crack alone can fry brains make guys blind //And lame so like Wesley Snipes yall take this messy pipe this designed //For Pookie on New Jack City it make me act ****ty, whack and ascine //But like Pookie said this stuff just be calling me back all the time //Knowledge is troublesome like bubblegum it stick to my mind //Make me write sick rhymes quick and divine get trick sometime //Stay on a bazaare pace like Scar face and the Geto boyz yeah homey //My mind playing tricks on me, put my rhymes in order do it strongly //Be ready to blind and slaughter like divine altar, combine numbers //As my rhymes thunders like rain clouds maintain a crowd of Hummers //And style loud during the summers use salt and pepper on my cucumbers //My words are magnetic particle together make pathetic articles like newspapers //Like Smooth vapors from volcanos lots of smokes in my quotes make crews taper //Off like fitting skirts, cats gitting hurt trying to step to this brisk literary work //Made up of grammar and glamour that’ll hammer brains like carpenters be alert //Love bling in club when I sing about love don’t hold the notes long make me come //Up with quotes wrong but still smoke microphones and take a sip of gutsy rum //Afterwards,
     
  2. Cade Foster

    Cade Foster Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    this wasn't very good brother, the structure was hard to follow and the content was really choppy to read. alot of your rhymes didn't make much sense, it was hard to understand what you were talking about. I can tell you're new at rhyming, but keep at it and you'll get better.
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Brother Cade Foster ... Welcome ... :wave:

    Please review this thread, Poetic Etiquette, for in it you'll find that the above type response is not allowed in this forum.

    Some Members do seek critiques, both negative and positive, and such is welcome in the Poetry Critique Forum, but not this one.

    Thanks for joining us, and please make yourself at home, because you are.

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. Cade Foster

    Cade Foster Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    so criticism isn't allowed?

    I'm not going to lie to someone and tell them something is good when clearly it's not. what's the point of this forum if you only allow positive feedback? it doesn't make much sense if you ask me.
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    As I posted above, it is allowed in the Poetry Critique Forum, just not this one.

    It may not make sense to you, but that's how we live here. Perhaps reading the Poetry Etiquette link I provided above may help it make sense, but if not, and you can't adhere, we'll understand and deal with it accordingly.

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. Cade Foster

    Cade Foster Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yeah I read that link, I just don't undertsand why you'd want people to tell other people that their writtens are good even if they're not, that's all.
     
  7. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    That's not what we want. We'd rather you say nothing at all, if you don't have anything good / nice to say.

    Unless of course the poetry is in the Critique Forum, where Members are asking for both negative and positive feedback.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  8. Cade Foster

    Cade Foster Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    alright then.
     
  9. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Thanks ... you're the best.

    :heart:

    Destee