Black Relationships : Jailbird?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by AfroBoricuaRoni, Oct 2, 2004.

  1. AfroBoricuaRoni

    AfroBoricuaRoni Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2003
    Messages:
    265
    Likes Received:
    3
    Occupation:
    Student
    Location:
    Philly
    Ratings:
    +3
    Would you sistahs, or brothas, ever date anyone that's been to jail before? I'd tell you my sitatuion but I don't wanna embarrass myself any further. :weird:
     
  2. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    10,227
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    The Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +194
    Sister AfroBoricuaRoni:

    I believe you should be less concerned about would the family date a person who has been to prison, and more focused on why you feel have embarrased yourself! I would like to say that a person who has been imprisioned is a person like any other. With the racist American justice system not everyone who serves time is guilty, or has been treated fairly. That being said not everyone is innocent either! I would strongly consider what this person went to jail for, find out whether or not they did it, and see if they have been reformed. Also dating a person who has been imprisioned has special issues. The risk of disease (particularly AIDS) is very high with ex-cons, and as a result, I would not have sexual intercourse with one, until I was aware of their "status". I also would require condom use throughout the relationship, because it is common knowledge that many people who have been to jail continue to exhibit prison sexual behavior once they are released (no explaination needed)! Employment is also a major issue with ex-cons, as they are restricted from many companies/industries (unfairly in my mind). This person's ability to support a family would be a major issue of concern. Coupled with these concerns is the possibility of the person returning to their former lifestyle. I think you have to ask yourself these questions Roni, and decide if it is worth the risk....only you can answer this question.
     
  3. KWABENA

    KWABENA STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,647
    Likes Received:
    363
    Occupation:
    Leader-Student-Teacher
    Location:
    Everywhere
    Ratings:
    +367
    AfroBoricuaRoni:

    We are a family. You can say anything to us. Don't be embarrassed to say anything to us as long as you are here. But of course, if it's your business and no one else should know about it, then it is right for you to keep it to yourself.

    Cedric Denson
     
  4. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    1,904
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical Analyst
    Location:
    ATL SHAWTY! Mr. Coli Park
    Ratings:
    +38
    Being a Convicted Felon myself. I feel as though that a woman should only give the felon a chance if he is working towards bettering himself and has something to offer you for example:

    I am going to law school in about a year and a half.
    I am an IT Professional here in Jacksonville, FL.
    I am currently in pre-production of making a movie.
    I have my civil rights fully reinstated I can vote.
    I have not recieved any new offenses in the last 6 years.
    I have my own money, vehicle and etc. So I do not accept nor look for handouts from a woman.
    I do community service and etc.

    The reason why I used myself for an example is because most women who date me do not know I am a felon until tell them; thus, a persons past has nothing to do with their future if they are trying to move in a positive direction.

    Sometimes we can miss out on a good thing because we judge the book by it's cover and not is contents.

    Too many times Felons are stereotyped as men who are always trying to attach themselves to a woman to drain her and abuse her, this is not the case of all felons. I suggest that you look into your situation carefully and make the proper decision on what the guy is doing, not what he has done, unless it has a direct connection with your life, his criminal life should not be a factor.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    yes i would because all not guilty of the crime and some just was misguided
    but the crime wasn't murder or something like that. why not date a person
    from jail they human and hold a heart too
     
  6. AfroBoricuaRoni

    AfroBoricuaRoni Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2003
    Messages:
    265
    Likes Received:
    3
    Occupation:
    Student
    Location:
    Philly
    Ratings:
    +3
    I hear what yous are saying, I appreciate the feedback. I just ask because I know that if I tell my mom that I just found out ole boy's been to jail then she's going to give me a whole bunch of flack and then she's going to tell everyone she knows about it. It's kinda like she'll look down on it and then use my situation as an example for whatever point she's making. I don't know anymore if it's really to make a point or to spread gossip.

    But this guy is nice thus far. I'll admit that I'm not always attentive as to what to look for in a guy. However, I wanna give this guy the benfit of the doubt instead of letting the first red glag stop me from investing in him.
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    so true sometime the red flag is a false flag follow what you feel and
    express good faith in a brutha sometime we need a strong woman to back us
    up from the past glag that many lable us as bad men ....i feel you sista
     
  8. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    32,002
    Likes Received:
    11,479
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired computer geek
    Location:
    north philly ghetto
    Ratings:
    +13,735
    another one bites the dust.

    with all the good men walking the streets, the sisters like to find the biggest loser they can and attach them selves to him.

    sometimes a red flag is just that, a red flag.
     
  9. bigtown

    bigtown Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    836
    Likes Received:
    31
    Ratings:
    +31
    I AGREE WITH JAMES.WHY BE BOTHERED WITH A CONVICT WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER BROTHERS OUT HERE WHO'VE NEVER BEEN TO PRISON. IT JUST SEEMS LIKE A WASTE OF TIME TO ME, WHEN YOU CONSIDER A HUGE PERCENTAGE OF THEM GO RIGHT BACK TO THE JOINT. YOU ALSO HAVE TO CONSIDER HOW LONG HE WAS THERE, AND HOW MANY TIMES HE'S BEEN LOCKED UP. WHY DO SO MANY SISTERS SEEM COMPELLED TO HOOK UP WITH THESE JAILBIRD LOSERS, WHO MOST OF THE TIME THEY WILL NEVER BE A REAL ASSET TO THEM. WHAT A WASTE.


    THAT'S MY "BIG" OPINION.
     
  10. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    1,904
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical Analyst
    Location:
    ATL SHAWTY! Mr. Coli Park
    Ratings:
    +38
    It is really sad how you dudes try to diss this felon and do not even know him.

    Sister Boricua, if the man is doing right for hiimself and trying to move forward with his life in a positive manner, please continue to see him, but let him loose in the event that he is not making any positive changes. If he is not honest with you about his past, I would cut him off, and if he looks like he is back on the same negative track, drop him like a bad habit.

    Why are brothers loosers who go jail? How can you declare a man worthless and you do not even know him. Sadly enough I probably got more going on for myself than the two brothers who called me a looser. Moreover I bet neither one of them have no real logical reason as to why they have came to their judgements. other than sterotypical hogwash that are regurigitating in the matter of their posts.

    I have had countless women tell me that I treat them better than dudes who have never even stolen a pen. Moroever, these women found the good in me by giving me a chance. They saw that my jail time (4 years) and criminal history did not stop me from making a positive impact in my community. And they know that my past will not bury my future.

    Everyone has issues, just because a man is a felon, does not mean he is a looser. A lot of wife beaters are first time criminals. Just because you do not have a criminal record does not make you a saint. I am sure that you know this and I hope that you continute too see if he is right.

    So sister Boricua, I ask you that you feel him out and make sure he is going forward in a positve manner, do not let these ignorant comments cheat you out of a chance of possibly finding a good mate.