Black Relationships : I've noticed somethin....

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by I-khan, Mar 7, 2007.

  1. I-khan

    I-khan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    relationships in the 'modern/mainstream' world(ie what much of the world follows) seem to be all about what each individual can get out of it (ie good times,sex,temporary emotional satisfaction,trips,etc).....or that could just be the 'doctors', books, and movies..

    Both people do not seem to sacrifice equally for the relationship to occur...it is all about what the individual can get.....even if they sacrifice for each other they expect to recieve something in the future as a result...now even though relationships include giving and recieveing that should not be the base,in my mind,because it is to easy for the other to fall short...then things fall apart....that is also the same case with "romance"... it seems like the 'relationships' that are broadcasted do not have a basis in understanding oneself,the partner,how and why you do different things in the world, how and why people act the way they do,all for the sake of growing to the "next level"....the relationship may not last long (not tryin to make universal standards) because the faulty guesswork it is built upon WILL change,making it collapse....unless it serves a 'higher purpose' and is not under your illusory control...
     
  2. NeterHeru

    NeterHeru Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I-KHAN:

    What in your mind should be the base of a relationship?
     
  3. I-khan

    I-khan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I will not say what the base for all should be,because I do not 'know' it for everybody,only for myself.

    With me it has to be (and change) so that her and I can grow unto (and not fall into) each other on a much deeper level beyond concious realization.

    It is hard to describe in such a limited language but I know you overstand what I am alluding to...

    peace
     
  4. NeterHeru

    NeterHeru Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I-KHAN:

    Yes I certainly know what you mean brother; I was just hoping you'd give me more insight into what your thoughts were on the subject that you raised. I agree with your contention however. Personally for me there can be no relationship until the parameters of our engagement--that is relation to each other--are completely established and mutually agreed upon.

    Presently I am single and have been celibate for nearly 5 years now. But I've let sisters know that there will be neither sex nor a deep relationship of any kind unless, we both agree to marriage, establishment of a family, an intertwined future, and complete commitment toward each other in attaining these goals. If she cannot agree to these conditions set forth, then we can only be friends or associates, nothing more.

    Now don't get me wrong I have very personal and deep friendships with some sisters, but there is no intimacy or romanticism involved in any of them. Still, like you, I can't say what the base for all people's relationships should be, yet I will say that the base of any relationship should be a mutually agreed upon relationship, which directly benefits the persons involved within it.
     
  5. A007

    A007 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    society's views or personal views?

    Neterheru,

    I agree that there has to be an agreement in order to move forward. However, is it an agreement that must include what society deems to be important (such as marriage, children, monogomy etc.). Or, is it an agreement that should be based on individual desires/thoughts that will lead to a deep fulfillment that personal and collective growth should inspire?

    The reason I ask is , if one has a set of conditions that is set in stone even before the relationship starts, isn't it doomed to failure when one or more of the conditions are no longer met?
     
  6. dustyelbow

    dustyelbow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Is SACRIFICE the same as COMPROMISE?
     
  7. I-khan

    I-khan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    no,

    check this:

    compromise=noun 1. a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.

    vs

    sacrifice=1. the offering of animal, plant, or human life or of some material possession to a deity, as in propitiation or homage.
    2. the person, animal, or thing so offered.
    3. the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.


    now the only reason I use both words is because they are the closest, but not very accurate, words in english that can convey my meaning...with both something is lost and gained in returned...the 'sacrifice' I mean is where nothing (on a mundane level) is seen is as a loss and nothing (on a mundane level) as a gain, the most important exchanges and growths happen between the two individuals and are not dependent on material stimuli even though they do have a small role in such a thing.....

    in essence it is more 'spiritual' (without being pronounced as such) than anything......i think.
     
  8. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Peace Destee FAM-
    I'll offer about 2-3 cents to the collection plate....

    About 2 years ago allot of people began noticing a paradigm shift in how relationships were being created. There were a few predictions I’ve heard before too about relationships getting either, drastically worse- or completely dissolved.

    We are seeing more “partnerships” than relationships. Rather, we are seeing more instances where people are together because of what the other is able to do, or not do.

    Yes there is a big difference between a Relationship and a Partnership. Instantly if you use the word “partner” you understand the “business” involved. A Relationship is something you have with those you relate with, there is a common ground, bridge, or like-mindedness that bonds you together.

    Paradigms don’t shift for any reason at all. In this case, it happened because too many of us abuse the relationships we do have, that “cause” produces the “effect” which is less relating, more partnering- or people choosing to remain single away from possible abuse or commitment.

    To some degree these partnerships have always existed, and some might say-well, isn’t that what relationships between Men and Women should be like??? Why would you want to be with someone who can’t help you thru life and vice versa?

    The truth might be, a good health relationship between a Man and a Woman encompasses both, the ability to relate and a well-balanced partnership.

    All relationships or partnerships that are unbalanced are doomed to fail eventually. There is no timeline for failure. Just because you’re married for 100 years doesn’t mean you’re in a successful relationship. That’s like calling a grown Man who has been working at McDonalds for 40 years a success, he is only a success if his dreams are being fulfilled right?

    In a relationship-If that Man or Woman is getting more out of life than the other, failure manifests in its own selective ways. When we live an unbalanced existence it leads to physical, mental and spiritual ailments that we struggle against, try to resolve or make clear.

    Nature is a very intelligent businesswoman. Without a partnership with nature we wouldn’t be able to breathe right now, and look at that…you never had to copulate with a tree not one time.

    So which do you prefer?

    The great irony is that people are having deeper more intimate relationships today with technology. Virtual Malls, Play Stations, The Internet, Chat Rooms, Cell Phones, Television – have completely rewired the mainframe for how people relate in this new cyber age. Instead of using the technology to advance our relationships beyond the control of electronic devices, many of us are swooned by gigabytes- and mastered by electronic media.

    This fact also has a heavy bearing on how people are relating, and why partnerships are becoming affluent choices. Electronic media has become a high-speed distribution system of Male and Female stereotypes, the faster we get the information, the faster our minds are made up and assumptions about the opposite sex is welded in our brains.

    Remember when Grandma and Grandpa got together, they only had to deal with a few people gossiping here and there. Besides, their relationship was a model of all the good healthy relationships that worked. Granny was the Queen of the house, and Grand’pe was the King of the yard or the porch, you knew never to question that- ever. Nor his barbeque.

    Now what made these age-old relationships work might become an age old science the way this world is going.
     
  9. NeterHeru

    NeterHeru Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A007:

    Regarding your first question these are my personal views, not society’s views. So it is an agreement based upon individual desires and thoughts. However, if as a people in America we generally developed (or matured) within a specific community, which shaped our values, I would say such conditions are shaped by society. But since we generally do not grow up in such a condition I defer to individuality in this case.

    As to your second question a relationship will not necessarily be doomed from the start if those conditions are not met. From my perspective these conditions are not stepping stones to reach from point "A" to "B," "C" and so on. The conditions are supposed to be mandatory precepts that act as the core or foundation for why the relationship exists.

    That is, I'm making a distinction between two kinds of conditions: One kind says "If we are to have a relationship together, then this relational process has to be based upon the following conditions; such conditions are the reason why we are both coming together." However, a second kind of condition says "Once we get involved with each other certain conditions must be met; these conditions are the goals we must attain in the relationship, in order for it to prosper." I personally stick to the former rather than latter kind of conditions, because of precisely what you said.

    Yet if you want me to explain further what I mean I'll gladly do so, but I think you get the gist of what I'm saying regarding the conditions I am talking about and the conditions that you're alluding to, which result in the termination of a relationship if not achieved.
     
  10. NeterHeru

    NeterHeru Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    META SCIENCE:

    You've raised a number of good points, especially regarding how people are relating more toward technology than humanity itself. But I tend to agree with Riane Eisler, regarding what partnerships actually are. I would also suggest that partnerships are not about business, but the natural culmination of what a relationship really is. In other words, a good healthy relationship with a person is actually a partnership, since a relationship is only the act or process of relating to something or someone. On the other hand, a partnership is the final process, or end result of this relational act.

    In any case, Riane Eisler does a masterful job of explaining her views on relationships and partnering, within her book Sacred Pleasure: Sex, Myth, and the Politics of the Body. I understand you may not have an interest in reading Feminist and Womanist (or Female centered) literature. However, I'm just offering it as an option to get a different perspective on what partnering is.
     
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