Poetry Critiques : It's always been you & It's always gonna be

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by MissHoney, Apr 13, 2006.

  1. MissHoney

    MissHoney Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    I pray for you at night, even though we don't go out

    I know our relationship aint tight, but I do what I think is right

    It's not that you a dime, or that you carry big things

    It's the fact of you around, that makes me wanna sin

    It's always been you, boy don't you see

    Even with my past n*ggas, I felt we were meant to be

    I wanna be your friend, plus your lover too

    We can start out real slow, whatever its up to you

    I don't know how theres still love, I've through so much hurt

    What you don't understand, is that I'm all the worth

    I love you more than life, 4 you I'll take that shot

    Make love to you the best, I get bottom you get top

    At first I was scarred, didn't know what to say

    I liked you so much, no words came out, just a gaze

    I never felt this way, I know 15's real young

    But I'm expirienced and ready for to be done

    I want you to be happy, even if its not with me

    Friendship is important, call me in times of needs

    I want you in my life, meet your wife or be your wife

    Either way you'll be there, alive and in my sight

    I love you a lot, to me your real special

    No more keeping it to myself, or being just fearful

    Whatever happens in life, your a king to me

    It's been you in my heart and it's always gonna be
    By:MissHoney
    visit my site @ http:[email protected]
     
  2. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2003
    Messages:
    10,784
    Likes Received:
    4,235
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +4,472
    it's a good poem....
    you have some gramatical errors but beyond that...the message is clear cut...
    i wish more women felt like this...but let me just say this
    messing with a married man can leave u hurt....in more ways then one....
    keep flowing...

    one love
    khasm
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    This piece runs rapidly, i feel it
    and how it attacks to the point
    nice poem
     
  4. trupoeticempres

    trupoeticempres Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2006
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    MissHoney

    Your poem is moving. It has lots of emotion. I guess thats why I like it so much.
     
Loading...