Black People : IS THIS FRIENDSHIP?

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Lataisha Nicole, May 5, 2009.

  1. Lataisha Nicole

    Lataisha Nicole Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2008
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    20
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Sickle Cell Foundation/ making the world a better
    Location:
    West Palm Beach Fl, aka, the bottom
    Ratings:
    +20
    I need for someone to define the term Friendship to me. Lately it seems that many have the opinion that friendship with the opposite sex is; I call you, you call me, we catch a movie or hang out, oh and have sex. Am I the only one that have a problem with this kind of friendship? Can some people have occasional sex without catching feelings or wanting more? Is it selfish not to accept a friendship on this basis: that intimacy should require more of a person then an occasional phone call;or am I just caught up in the past and this is the new way, and it's NOT fear, or inadequacies that makes us indulge in such relationships? I really want to get this one.

    Singned CUTTY BUDDY :)
     
  2. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2001
    Messages:
    7,648
    Likes Received:
    40
    Occupation:
    thrivin' spiritually/physically/emotionally/financ
    Location:
    where failure is not an option
    Ratings:
    +42
    it takes two too handle this

    real understanding you are not selfish is wanting more for yourself

    it's hard to be friends and thump buddies IMO but if both are fine with it
    then.............but you know where that can lead lol

    so yes i agree it you're giving you're intimacy away then you have every right to expect it in return.

    that's why it's always good to lay it out there so you don't get hurt
    and you don't hurt anybody

    i think it's more then fear that leads this, i'll go with you on the "new thing"
    no ties is the norm now but feelings ALWAYS get in the way

    so protect yours you have every right IMO

    i had a "friend" like this i knew for years but it couldn't stay "friends" because
    she was the one the suggested thumpin NOT me, so i went along and then the tables turned she wanted more and i bounced
     
  3. KWABENA

    KWABENA STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,647
    Likes Received:
    363
    Occupation:
    Leader-Student-Teacher
    Location:
    Everywhere
    Ratings:
    +367
    Peace Sistah-

    First and foremost, if you are indeed in West Palm Beach, I have to say it is good to speak with someone from there! I myself can not wait until I return to the area (but only to visit).

    Secondly, as much as I wish I can answer this question, I have to look at the big picture. In this culture, the very term "friend" is extremely mis-used and "abused" (I use the term "abuse" loosely). From experience, "friend" has meant girlfriend, brother/sister-from-another-mother lol, someone you have a crush on, or who has a crush on you, a companion who considers you a friend, but you do not consider them friends, ...; it has meant so many things, I just consider it to be worn out. I have a lady "friend," and we are in a situation where we do not want to be together but we will not dismiss the possibility of being together either. With the way we relate to each other, it is practically impossible to define our relationship. To get to the bottom of things, I just call it a 'Friendly Relationship,' and let that be that.

    How would you personally define Friendship?

    KWABENA
     
  4. Lataisha Nicole

    Lataisha Nicole Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2008
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    20
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Sickle Cell Foundation/ making the world a better
    Location:
    West Palm Beach Fl, aka, the bottom
    Ratings:
    +20
    It comes as a surprise to me, because a friend that one can share everything with, seems like the perfect relationship. Someone to laugh and joke with, go out with and smash with at the end of the day. However at the end of the day when you want them there with you, and they're not, just sorta makes ya feel that it's all for nothing.And what happens when one agrees to a friendship such as this, began catching feelings, and admit them as your friend did to find that they are not reciprocated is devastating. or what happens when your friend decide to fall in love with someone else, while yall are friends, are you to be happy for them, since the two of you are only friends. My friendship relationship like that is now over, and yet I miss the friend stuff that we use to do, and yeah, that too! :) Silly huh?
     
  5. Lataisha Nicole

    Lataisha Nicole Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2008
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    20
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Sickle Cell Foundation/ making the world a better
    Location:
    West Palm Beach Fl, aka, the bottom
    Ratings:
    +20
    Yes, I am indeed from West Palm Beach,hating this heat right now.lol
    Your right, everybody is defined as friend, and it seems as though even when the line has been crossed the friendship title doesn't get removed. I've been told that I over think things. That sometimes things are just what they are, and there is nothing hidden to look for. The one thing I find quite great about these sexual friendships, is the honesty. I have never had a man be so honest about his flaws and short comings, things that he probably wouldn't share with a love interest. The problem with that kind of realness,when dealing with a person who loves real, you tend to love them all the more because of it. You tend tend to rationalize that it's okay if, the two of us are monogamous, and then at the end of the day comes, and you know, you're just selling yourself short. Thank you,Kwabena, and Street So'ja for your perspectives. Respect!
     
  6. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2003
    Messages:
    10,784
    Likes Received:
    4,235
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +4,472
    it's a complicated issue but i will try to put this as simple as possible....
    what u r describing is a friendship....it's just not a relationship...
    if u want a relationship then this is not the way to go....
    because u will be frustrated in the end....
    sometimes friendships do turn into relationships...
    but one should not bank on this happening....

    one love
    khasm
     
  7. Clyde C Coger Jr

    Clyde C Coger Jr going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2006
    Messages:
    39,361
    Likes Received:
    10,419
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Speaker/Teacher/Author
    Location:
    Dallas, TX
    Home Page:
    Ratings:
    +12,073
    In the Spirit of Sankofa!




    Lataisha Nicole,

    In my view Lataisha, the answer to the thread's question is no, and what I have read that you described, also is not friendship. Keep in mind that we are approaching the 21 century, if we are not already there, and the society functions out of arbitrary law, which is to say, what ever is in vogue at the moment. To be old school is to be based upon solid principles and my advice to you would be to hold onto what is real and not fake, as it relates to relationships...Bless Up



     
  8. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2001
    Messages:
    7,648
    Likes Received:
    40
    Occupation:
    thrivin' spiritually/physically/emotionally/financ
    Location:
    where failure is not an option
    Ratings:
    +42
    no

    not silly

    this is way it's not a good idea sometimes

    it just "seem" so perfect like you said

    and sometimes if you don't want to lose a "friend"

    you have to make choices

    both parties

    and the sex kilt all dat

    i know the feeling
     
  9. Lataisha Nicole

    Lataisha Nicole Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2008
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    20
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Sickle Cell Foundation/ making the world a better
    Location:
    West Palm Beach Fl, aka, the bottom
    Ratings:
    +20
    Much love and respect to all that extended their help on this question. The responses are taken more to the heart because the perspective all came from intelligent men, and I can tell that you all are strong and intelligent,not just by this discussion, but by other things that you all have posted. It really means a lot to me, that you answered so openly and honestly, and your valued input has assisted me in closing a chapter and moving forward to a greater destiny.You all knew that it wasn't just an arbitrary question, and you all attacked it, with my best interest at heart, a million thanks for that because, We all know that we have got much work to do,and though simple distractions like these will arise,Thankfully, it didn't trip me up for long. I sorta am a little disappointed that no women chimed in, but I know that maybe it's because a lot of them are tied up in a friendship of this type.However as they stopped in to read,I pray that your advice was as helpful to them as it was to me. I also know that many can go through certain things and rather than discuss how they were taken and try to make sense of it, they would rather sweep it under a rug as if it never existed.
    As you may can tell that is not me, because there's no place for pride or shame on this journey. We have to learn to use all of our resources, and I am blessed that I have found in one place so many Kings that Jah has place in my path to assist me on this journey. Be Blessed, and Thanks again! :)
     
  10. KWABENA

    KWABENA STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,647
    Likes Received:
    363
    Occupation:
    Leader-Student-Teacher
    Location:
    Everywhere
    Ratings:
    +367

    We do what we can, Beloved Sistah!

    KWABENA
     
Loading...