Black Short Stories : is this a plausible scene?

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by baller, Dec 23, 2011.

  1. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    (Jana is a stripper. Her man, Ja’kadric, is in prison. Ebatanisha—‘Nisha—is a fellow stripper turned lesbian, trying to get into Jana’s panties. It was the night of Valentine’s and ‘Nisha had convinced Jana to go to dinner with her. Is this a plausible scene?)

    Jana played the various possibilities over and over in her head. She knew Ebatanisha was a lesbian. She was also aware that ‘Nisha wanted in her panties…something she had made perfectly clear from day one. Jana had read all the signs…and kept her distance. She didn’t want anyone getting the impression that she was into women. Now, here she was…putting herself in one of those situations she knew she shouldn’t be in.

    They decided on rich foods…no salads on this outing. The Parisian Lounge was a new, European restaurant…that featured rack of lamb and mashed potatoes so thick and tasty a spoonful could fill you up. Sure, there were other items on the menu but this was their choice. With their entrée, they selected sweet peas, and two bottles of house wine.

    By the end of the first bottle, Jana had loosened her tongue, as well as her demeanor, more so than usual. She went on and on about Ja’kadric…and how much she missed him. She talked about the mistake she made in telling him that she was moving on…and wouldn’t be waiting for him when he got out, or visiting him while he was locked up. All she wanted to do was to tell him how sorry she was.

    “I go to sleep, every night, dreaming about this man’s touch…and how he feels when we’re together. I can still smell his scent…”

    ‘Nisha was the consummate listener: attentive, supportive, patient in her desires.

    By the end of dinner, and the second bottle of wine, Jana’s loneliness, and the pain of losing Ja’kadric, finally caught up to her…and the tears came…drawing the attention of the other patrons in the restaurant. As they began focusing on them, ‘Nisha—who is otherwise extremely confident and unaffected by the stares of others—became uncomfortably embarrassed by Jana’s display. The more she tried to comfort her, the louder she got, until ‘Nisha suggested they leave.

    ‘Nisha played the role of the good friend…but she had ulterior motives when she suggested that she would escort Jana home. Jana tried to protest but ‘Nisha would hear none of it. She would not allow her friend to catch a cab, alone, in her condition.

    “Someone might take advantage of you,” she said…as she ushered Jana out of the restaurant.

    At her place, Jana—who was more aware now—got on the subject of Ja’kadric, once again…thinking, if she talked about him long enough, ‘Nisha might lose interest…and go home. However, talking about him only led to more tears…which led to more of ‘Nisha’s comforting.

    “Nisha’s stroking of Jana’s back had a soothing effect. Jana could feel herself slowly giving over to the stroking hand. Suddenly, ‘Nisha stopped. When Jana turned to look at her, there was a slight brushing of their lips. The implications flooded her mind, immediately, and Jana tried to speak…

    “But…”

    Before she could get the word out, “Nisha kissed her. It was more of a pressing of her lips to Jana’s than a full blown kiss but it was obvious that “Nisha wasn’t interested in talking…she wanted action. She wanted to take this woman she had longed for, for so long, and have her way with her.

    “I’ve never…” Jana tried to continue.

    ‘Nisha kissed her again…deeply. The intensity of the kiss moved Jana to dismiss the sex of the kisser and focus on the kiss. It had been so long since she had been kissed, she just wanted it to continue. The effect it was having on her was something she had never experienced…and she wanted to experience it. But when the kiss stopped, common sense briefly rose to the surface.

    “Ahhh, man,” she sighed. “What are we doing?”

    ‘Nisha answered her question with another kiss. As she did, she gently nudged Jana into a prone position on the sofa, laying on top of her, with one of her legs between Jana’s spread thighs. When she broke the kiss to readjust herself, Jana again asked through her fog-infested mind…

    “’Nisha…what are we doing?”

    “Shhh,” “Nisha whispered, as she lightly brushed a finger across Jana’s soft, full lips. “Quiet, baby…just let it happen.”

    Jana’s skirt was bunched up around her waist. She could feel the pressure of ‘Nisha’s bare knee against her panty covered mound. It had been so long since anyone was between her legs, the mere presence of it produced a soothing sensation throughout that region. The warmth of her wetness welcomed the pressure of ‘Nisha’s knee. Her mind felt betrayed by her heated core…how quickly, and easily, it was responding to the ministrations of another woman. Whether because of the effects of the wine or the absence of a lover, she wondered, “Have I secretly craved this,” as she felt her barriers melt away so fast her head was spinning.

    When ‘Nisha kissed her again, she didn’t resist. She welcomed the slithering tongue that forced its way into her mouth…dueling with her own. Nor did she offer any resistance when ‘Nisha started unbuttoning her blouse. Instead, she smiled the approval of a willing participant in her own debauchery. As ‘Nisha unbuttoned, and unzipped, her skirt, she raised her bottom to allow its easy removal…along with her panties. When ‘Nisha repositioned herself atop her, Jana opened wide her thighs, to accommodate her presence.

    Jana’s blood was boiling. Her heart was pumping so hard her clitoris tingled from the rush. Every fiber of her being screamed for release, but was it release she craved? Or, was all that rushing blood affecting her senses?

    Suddenly, reality slapped her across the face…pulling her out of her lust-filled moment of need…forcing her to examine her situation, and she screamed, “No…No…NO. I can’t do this,” as she sat upright, pushing ‘Nisha from between her thighs…now fully alert.

    “I’m sorry for letting this get out of hand…but…I love Ja’kadric…and I don’t want to cheat on him…with anyone…including you.”

    She stood and walked to her bedroom door. ‘Nisha knew that was the end of what she thought would have been a wonderful night with a woman she had fantasized about for quite some time. Instead, she straightened her clothes and headed for the door…feelings of dejection engulfing her.

    “‘Nisha” Jana called.

    ‘Nisha stopped. Her heart beating rapidly with the hopeful expectation of one who desired much but had nothing of value to offer. Alas, she knew her dreams were not to be realized, as Jana’s pleading, trembling voice whispered:

    “’Nisha, I hope you don’t hate me for this.”

    “I don’t, Jana.”

    Jana lowered her head and closed her bedroom door…closing a very brief chapter in her life that she wished she had never allowed open…and signaling to ‘Nisha that the end had, indeed, come. ‘Nisha took that as her queue to leave…her heart sinking from the realization that she had come so close…only to be denied the ultimate prize.

    They would never mention it again…neither wanting to jeopardize their friendship over an evening that didn’t turn out the way either one of them had wanted. Jana didn’t blame ‘Nisha for what happened, she was a grown woman who could decide for herself what she wanted…or didn’t want. She allowed it to happen because it felt good…having gotten caught up in her need for release. But she was sure she didn’t want it to happen again.

    As good as she had wanted to make it, ‘Nisha knew that it was a one-time-only opportunity. Just as yesterday can never be repeated, the touch, taste, and smell of what she had desired for so long would never again grace the air she breathes. As much as she hated it, she respected it. Jana didn’t come out with any of that played out “you took advantage of me,” rhetoric that so many supposedly straight females have…who allowed their lust to get the better of them, then needed someone to blame for it. Nor did she try to get “ig’nant” with her over her brush with lesbianism. ‘Nisha appreciated her for that…and would love to have another chance to make her hers…if Jana so desired. But Jana would have to make that first move.

    The next day was the same as the day before, for the only two black dancers at the Ice House: energetic, funny, good at their jobs. There was none of the awkwardness that ‘Nisha expected…nor the nervousness that Jana had hoped wouldn’t be there. They were friends. Nothing that happened had any effect on their relationship, in the least. They both understood their position…and they were comfortable with who they were. No one else needed to know.
     
  2. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    check your email.
     
  3. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think that becca is a spammer/scammer. I would not email her. But my does the Lord work in mysterious ways. She bumped an excellent piece of literature. Naturally, not my genre (we are on a public forum) but to the question of plausibility, I believed it. :)

    I do like how active it is. But I never really read the genre so I can not comment on the style, beside that it draws a person into the action, but doesn't provide much description to appearances (perhaps that's the point?).

    I only noticed, reviewing the piece, that you misspelled "smell" with "spell" early on. I can not now check for other misspellings, but I would be ill to not tell you of the one that I found. Luckily, the story is so action-driven, one isn't tied down to the misspellings for I did not detect any in my initial reading.

    Mmm, I reread the beginning and it's a bravo. Wonderful storytelling, mate!
     
  4. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    THANKS for commenting...and for pointing out that misspelling. this is an excerpt from a chapter that i'm writing--their descriptions happened earlier on. i wanted an opinion on the lesbian encounter because, naturally, i'm unfamiliar with it...and how it would evolve/go down. and i was wondering if this would be a plausible scenario. GLAD YOU LIKED IT.

    as for becca, i kinda got that impression after going to some other forums. it's all good though.
     
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