Black Relationships : is there a brother or sister here who has a deep soulpain..?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Auroraflower, Aug 17, 2005.

  1. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi fam :heart:

    i dont believe it is a weird question...
    beacause we are about caring and building it up..




    this question god gave me this morning....
    and i needed to ask you this because a higher force told me so.....

    it is not a queston to anyone particulair here...
    cause i can not look in to youre hearts and what is going on in youre lifes..


    Now for some people it is a question they dont want to share it with people here on destee.and no one has to they are private,,,,

    but i just had to put it here....
    for peope who maybe walking around with this and not knowing it...or people
    who feel it but dont talk about it or have no one to talk about it.......
    or are afraid...



    so the question is...

    do you have this deep soulpain....?

    do you know where it is comming from...
    or dont you have no idea where it is comming from....?







    Loveauroraflower:heart:
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    we all do...............

    it's called being black in america..........
     
  3. PoeticManifesta

    PoeticManifesta Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I DO.. my mother was single 88% of my childhood.. working 2 jobs and going to school.. I raised my brother. My brother at the age of 12 was reprimanded on charges of sexual assult.. when a little feminine lil boy told him he liked him.. my brother then with another friend gave the boy a wedgie (sexual) and munched the boy in his back (hard enough for a slight bruise) .... my brother has just got out of juvenile detention... and the family in which I left 2 years ago.. is now expecting me to move back in.. and help out.. as when i was young .. I was a barely C student until my brother left.. and dropped from the gifted and talented program every year because of academics and I then started to make honor roll.. graduated my last year with a 4.2.. i literally blossomed.. here I am now.. as a grad student.. being asked to move in with my parents at the age of 20.. barely 21.. starting my first semester of Grad school.. I cant take it! I will go crazy if I have to.. but with the way things are goin now.. my mother is depressed and may have to quit her job.. to take my brother to Sexual offender counceling.. and various programs for his problems.. Ive even offered to make up for the money she was loosing.. but as a mother she said she couldnt take it.. (but she could submmit me to this chaos) the system is full of malarky.. ive seen murders with bettter parole plans.. and less of a sentence.. my 15 y/o brother is supposed to be a threat because he commited this "crime" out of rage.. they feel that the next time he is mad he will do it again.. my brother has never got into any trouble.. and was an honor roll student.. I made sure of that much.. but it pains me to have to abandon my family.. because they cripple me.. I dont think they see me as an adult yet cause im so young.. but I have my own life.. apt.. and things going on.. I would have to quit various boards.. and committees to cater to the familys needs.... am I being selfish? My family hasnt given me much to work with emotionally.. physically.. or financially.. ive busted my @ss to get where I am..
    I feel helpless sister.... :(

    but that felt good.. to share.. pray for me
     
  4. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Poetic, I'm sorry to hear this. According to what you've shared on here, you have come so far. You have a right to a life of your own. I would say that you should help your family up to the point where you begin to harm yourself. Only you know what that point is. Stop at that point. You're never supposed to harm yourself.

    IMO, too many sistas give, give, give, give, and give. They put their needs and dreams on the back burner to be there for others, to rescue others. There's nothing wrong with that in general, but there are too many people to rescue in our community and too few rescuers. This is why so many sistas are depressed, out of shape, angry, and just downright unhealthy. There's a book written by a sista who was in a similar situation to yours called, HOW TO SURVIVE DESPITE YOUR FAMILY. I don't remember the author's name but maybe someone on here will or you can look it up.

    So do what you can for others, but take care of your own needs too because at the end of the day, you don't want to have any regrets.
     
  5. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :eek: Dear sister Poeticmanifesta.....


    I,m happy that you responded.....
    and i take this seriously....
    and i have asked the lord for guidance to bring you ...
    the words wich are loving words and hopfully words of wisdom wich will hopefully bring you to liberation of this pain and make you move forward in youre life...



    First of all i say to you...
    that you are a beloved sister ... ( )
    you may not feel like this somthimes ...
    trough cercomstances or of what is going on around you or what is going on in youre family ..

    but you are a beloved sister..

    youre concernnes about youre family sais you have a heart and you are caring..about them.....

    You may care ...about youre family....
    But you can never carry them heavy loads.
    you can not sister poetic manifesta youre not build for that "'STOP IT""
    someone called jezus carried that already ok....
    You only can help people untill a certain point...
    You can talk with them give them good advise ....
    give them the wisdom that comes from above.
    love them (as much as yourselfs)and there when it is out of youre hands ..
    you give it to god and pray for them...



    You are a beloved sister...


    Why because god loves you and put you on this earth for a beautifull reason..
    not only to suffer...from what you have mist during the time you was already raising ,a part of youre family...Wich was Love and guidance (there was no dad around permetly let not forget the missig in that to),you where surviving.....at an early age...
    this maybe caust a hole in youre spirrit....
    Of course it made you in a lot of things a strong person...
    but it left some damage ....
    i,m shure of that...

    .......


    I first would like to give you the advise that god has given to all of us..

    about ...


    the pain you have inside.....
    than later i can give you some advise in what you can do for you and for youre family..(and like i said you can only help them untill a certain point)




    The first thing is that the pain in youre soul is the Wound....

    (you already explained a littl bit to us how it got there..there maybe happend more things that caust it to....but the basssis is that you was hurt and got hurt)


    Now somthimes sweet loving words can help you for that moment...
    To talk about it ..can give you a releaved feeling...

    but to heal that pain...


    that is another story.......



    no pill (medical drugs are just underpressors) , no Psychiatrist ,no human.....
    it can help for a while ...But totaly heal No



    Only love ........and i,m talking about God mighty Love ...
    that energie that can get to the place inside youre soul where the wound is

    where no one can get...

    Now god works trough people yes ....and that is beautfull and a blessing when you have loving people around you...
    just know..
    ,
    that love and energie can get there to.....

    even if there is no one around......
    that is the Mightynes and beautiness of god and his son Jezus


    The only thing you have to do as a person is believe this(and i mean believe that god is watching you and does not want you to suffer in pain ,and that his son died for our sins ,so that you dont have to carry the faults you or family made or any kind of sins for the rest of youre life that he came to safe us to liberate us)and open yourself for him ...to give him the chance to do this.....
    to heal you...

    Now people may say is this a preaching thing ...is this about religion..
    no ..this is the advise the lord has givin me to give to a person who has
    soulpain.....and sinds i have been there to...and i,m moving forward it is my job to send out the good message (cause it is a good message)



    Sister poeticmanifesta..


    ofcourse you have to make youre own desisions and you can ask the lord also for guidance in these things ...
    but i believe that you can not help them by moving in...
    i dont think it wont solve the problems that are there...
    Cause ..the problems o wich youre mom has are also different from what youre brother is troubling..


    If you are continuing what you were doing wich was moving into the light...
    Finish youre school ,learn to get to know yourself and grow spirritualy wich is realy inportent for you now..and in the future aspecialy when you want to help people or youre family.. (means have a good solid relationship with God the creator and his son)
    you might shine light in their lives...

    when you visit them ...
    keep in touch with them...you can visit them ,give love ,but not more than yourself.....and when you go home dont take the problems with you...
    And if you give something....
    give them the best....

    tell them about God...the almighty..
    what he can do for them ...if they place him in their lives...
    How mighty he is ...that there is a new beginnng for youre brother for youre mother and that there is nothing onpossible with God.....


    BUT!!


    you need to grow first...
    and be healed....
    once that is happened and Godslove is manifested in youre life youre strong whole happy (ofcourse you will have youre days everyone has)..
    than you be able to mean somthing more for them than you already have been ......
    cause you have done a lot already...







    (i continiue i,m not finished yet first have to post this and than add more to it.. but i hope this helps for now...
    dear sister i am glad you expressed and tonight its a kwarter past 3 in the night i will pray for you.....people underastemate the power of praying..
    and it sumthimes takes a few minutes....
    i will call up the holy spirrit to touch you to give you the strength wisdom and guidance and most of all the warm love.....

    i love you sister continiue to shine :hearts4:
    you deserve it....
    and remember even if you feel that no one loves you..
    there is always one who does realy
    and that is god...
    and his son Jezus christ...
    and he told me to give you a hug :kiss2:
    you are loved



    ps :a part of my family is now also moving forward sinds"" i ""moved to the light
    i was bapsited in april last and my personal relationship with god was started to grow more from a year ago ;) so i,ve been there sis)
     
  6. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sister Poeticmanifesta :welldone:
    If you didn't have the Heart that shines so bright through that pic :angel1:, you wouldn't even be sweating this, just continuing on with your own thing!

    Sometimes the path with heart hurts real bad, dangit! But, even so, I think I would encourage your being somewhat selfish: be there for the support - but don't move all the way back. Keep your own space!

    See if you can make a pact with your brother:
    :deal:
    Acknowledge that you are both bright students!!!!
    Acknowledge the bs of this society/system
    Acknowledge the bs of doing juvie for a kid stunt (was there physical damage; is this "wedgie" any different from the "old school" wedgie? if not, sounds to have been blown out of proportion. but i'm here and the situation is there.)
    Acknowledge that he may or may not "want revenge" and that seeking it will make it all worse.
    Acknowledge that the biggest and bestest "revenge" is to get back at the head of that honor roll list!!
    Acknowledge what it means to you to go back to being "sistah momie", with outside stuff!! (keep as much as you can.)
    Support, encourage and push each other to the top of the honor roll each and every quarter!
    [/:deal:]




    :grouphug: * :heart: *
    :grouphug: Peace and Love to You!! :grouphug:
    * :heart: * :grouphug:
     
  7. Wisdom7

    Wisdom7 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi Poeticmanifesta,
    I am so sorry you are struggling with that pain. Don't feel guilty in making your decision to move forward. Support is support whether you live there or are at a distance. Maybe you can explain to your family that you will better be able to support them if you are in a stronger state of mind and position (meaning being away) and that you can't be strong for the family if you are not strong for yourself first. You seem so intelligent for your age ( I don't mean that in a bad way), but your family will have to be forced to strengthen those muscles if you are not there, otherwise your presence would just enable them in using you as a crutch. One book that really helps me is "One Day My Soul Opened Up" Iyanla Vanzant. It's an old book, but it works. God bless you and your fam.
     
  8. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi brother james :flowers:





    hi brother :heart: I love you
    thank you for youre responding...
    and yes i take youre responding also seriusly....
    and i ask god for te guidance love and wisdom to
    bring to you what you need to be hopefully liberated from this Soulpain..



    but...
    could you please explain more....



    are you saying that Being black in the states.....

    is giving you this soulpain......?




    is it the way people treating you and underpressing you .....
    makes you have this soulpain...?






    Loveauroraflower:heart:
     
  9. PoeticManifesta

    PoeticManifesta Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am most humbled.. thank you..

    tHANK YOU ALL FOR THE LOVING AND SUPPPORTIVE ANSWERS..:eek: You know, I got all of this off of my chest and I literally felt the air move in the room.. i guess my mind blacked out.. cause it was only after I searched my posts in the last week or 2 that I remembered that I had let you all (my extended family) a glimps into my soul.. which was crying like a colic infant :bawling: . Sister Aurora... your wisdom.. and ability to coddle.. even from miles away is amazing. Our father has definately been watching over me.. because my g'grandmother stepped in for me.. and put her foot down.. (this woman is not to be disobeyed) since it was her that put the once silly notion of college into my head.. it was her that said I was not to move back into the home which is broken.. and shuffled.. but It would be I who... gave them hope of a better tomorrow. To do this I am to stay in my own element.. (school). This woman is so great and powerful... at the age of 82.. she still is not to be tested. She knew my worries, and doubts before I even confided in her after the fact. Wisdom.. without the slightest knowledge of me.. and the slightest communication between you and I you were able to come to my support.. I love you sis. Raida.. the first words are always the dearest.. and you impact beyond others. Thank you for sharing my battle. AnAfrican.. brotha.. you always come with wise words... and I thank you for sharing them in my time of need. The pact has been made.. he maintains the honor roll.. and I the deans list. It takes a village to raise a child. It takes a family, to support an adult.. thank you all so very much. The voice of my family gave me strength.. I needed to feel for once liek I was not being selfish, and to have someone tell me.. to make sure of it. :grouphug: :flowers: :ilu:

    "the battle is the lords"​
     
  10. Deepvoice

    Deepvoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yeah, for us to stop being a part of a parallel world to that of white people, an alter ego, or their worse half.

    Alter ego- 1. Another side of oneself

    That's exactly what we seem to be, it's like being in a movie, and always asked to play the part of the antagonist. Why can't I or better yet black people play the good guy some of the time. We(black folks) seem to be fictional characters in a realistic world in some play or book written by them(white folks). All they seem to have to do to erase them for their reality is change the channel(t.v.) or close the book(history).
     
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