Black Relationships : Is moving in together the sign of a serious commitment

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by panafrica, Nov 21, 2005.

  1. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    At one time moving in together was the sign of a serious commitment. In the eyes of many people it was considered to be the last step before marriage (a pre-trial so to speak). However, I’m not sure if this is true any longer. There are a large number of people who live together that have no intention of ever getting married. There are also couples who seem to use moving in together as a agreement to cut cost (sharing rent, utilities, etc). I’ve even seen some folks move in with a boyfriend/girlfriend because they wanted to get out of their parent’s house, and couldn’t afford rent on their own. Knowing all these patterns are happening in society, can moving in together still be seen as a sign of a serious commitment? Let’s discuss!
     
  2. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My .02

    Sorry to say, but in most cases it's not. We call it shackin' up. I'd say few to none are actually in it for the long run or plan on getting married. When couples shack up, it's usually a financial thing, cuz ain't nothin goin on but the rent, ITO. It may also depend on if the two have a "bargain" worked out. Without a ring, or obvious committment, it is nothing other than a roommate situation with a lil $ex thrown in. To each is own.
     
  3. soulsearcher

    soulsearcher Banned MEMBER

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    I think that most couples see it as being more serious than not doing it but many stay stuck lilke that because the feelings aren't strong enough to move it to the next stage, (marriage).

    It's not as much of a big deal if the couple is older and/or plans on not having kids... but if they want kids, they should be married, (in my opinion). Those entering into such an arrangement definitely need to put a cap on how long they will do that without the ring. This is especially the case for women who desire children because, (as has been stated before on various threads here), she just doesn't have too much time to be playing around.

    If the couple already has kids and is still living together... they need to evaluate why one party is not wanting to marry.
     
  4. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i think it 50/50. i know some just together on the matter of convenience. you know what sad is you can live with that person for some years the instant they marry. within the year there divorced. that is why me and my friend dont live together. abscence make the heart grown fonder and stronger. i just tear him right up when he comes through them doors.
     
  5. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The key word in the heading is "serious".

    Is moving in together a sign of a SERIOUS relationship.......


    Spicy

    I agree.

    If two people like being around eachother and are both struggling financially as is the case with most young people, in this society it's almost a given that they might as well move in together to help support eachother.

    It's usually a matter of convenience.



    PanAfrica

    You're right, most of the time it's about young people just trying to be independant.

    But that's why I don't like that term "partner" that is being so commonly used to describe couples today.

    Not only does it sound sort of gay, but to call someone your "partner" sounds a little to formal as if it's a business transaction where we share our bills and keep eachother company rather than an actual loving relationship.
     
  6. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    You cant have it both ways...


    Moving in is a serious situation, whether the parties like or not. It is akin to marriage. But without the legal issues. Moving in brings serious problems when the break up happens. Living together is the bipolar syndrome that exists today in society. It is an attempt to have ones cake and east it too. It's having an oow baby and thinking the male will be responsible once he has been let off the hook. It's an attempt to control the uncontrollable.
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    while i think it's to a degree of important and serious task
    to become like one in a housewhole, there will be commitment

    but today and no disrespect to bruthas but men move in with women
    because they not ready to take full Responsability, some just look for
    a spot to lay down & eat

    I've seen the good and the bad from moving together serious or not !

    I also have heard many many tales of this stage in life , often moving in
    together allows the male and female to feel out there mate to see if this
    life is what they want and how each accept the commitment and responsabilities
    as a provider , a lover , a friend working together as one if so then they become
    true soulmates but it's not taken lightly and is a serious step in searching for that
    someone to share your days with.
     
  8. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Moving into together nowadays just means someone is assisting you with your finances, or just your sex partner. Living together has become a trivial item in this society, people are moving in with people they have been dating for only a week or two weeks.

    I believe that this trend is one of the reasons why we have such a high divorce rate in this society. People fail to realize that moving in with someone does not give you the proper information needed to determine a stable mate; moreover, moving in creates more issues because the relationship is not bound by anything (Marriage is a Spiritual, Legal and Economical Binding Ideal), thus when you move in, you can politely move out when things get sticky.

    Moving in properly requires work and due dillegence, below is an example is what happens when you move in with people who you do not intend on being life partners with.

    I moved in with this woman and stayed for 2 weeks and it did not work, so I politely moved into a homeless shelter here in Minneapolis, Minnesota and now I will be closing on my own Townhouse on Monday (I was homeless for the last 5 months). Once I moved out of this persons house, I was able to gain stable employment, and become more actively politically in this community. That is simply because living alone gave me the time to focus on my errors, so that I could begin working on myself. One of the other reasons why this move did not work was because I had not sincere intentions on being with this woman; moreover, when this woman found out that I planned to move out and not help her with her mortgage, she did everything in her power to make my life miserable, so I went to the shelter. A true life partnership wether marriage or not, must be a union of mind, body and soul.
    I can now safely say that if

    I believe that Black Men especially need to create their own stability and domicile, and consider a committed relationship at a different address before moving. I would like to see more Black Men become Home Owners, than see Black Men move in with a woman, especially if they aint working. Love Do not Pay Bills.
     
  9. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with you completely brother Manasiac! I'm sorry to hear that you were homeless for 5 months...you should have let the family know about that...however, I'm happy that you'll be moving into your own place soon. I wish you the best of luck in Minnesota!
     
  10. sonnee01

    sonnee01 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree......

    I too would love to see this!!!!!!
     
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