Black Relationships : Is it wrong not to date someone because he/she has kids?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Nfant_De_Milieu, Oct 6, 2003.

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Is it wrong not to date someone because she or he has kids?

  1. yes

    13 vote(s)
    19.1%
  2. no

    51 vote(s)
    75.0%
  3. I donot know

    4 vote(s)
    5.9%
  1. Nfant_De_Milieu

    Nfant_De_Milieu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I just want to get some feedback on what you think about not wanting to date someone because he or she has kids. Do you think it is wrong? You have no kids but the other person has some or 1. Constantly, my uncle tells me to find a sistah with no kids because there are plenty of sistahs out there without kids. I have dated plenty of sistahs with kids though. We all know of the baby momma/daddy drama that can go along with kids.
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I guess I'm somewhat confused on this question. What is the issue about dating someone with or without children? Your uncle has one opinion but what exactly does he base his opinion on OTHER than the fact that there are plenty of sistahs out there without kids?

    I'm not sure I know about all the baby momma/daddy drama that can go along with kids. Maybe I'm feeling a generational gap or maturity gap when it comes to that. Maybe some others can help you with that issue.

    But, to answer your question, plain and simple...No, I don't think it's wrong to not want to date someone with children. I don't see a right or wrong about that either way. What I do see is that it's best to stay away from situations that you know you're not comfortable with. So no matter how physically attractive someone is, if they cause you to compromise your principles, it's best you don't go there.

    mho.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I think it's sololy up to you and how you would feel about it
    surely there is nothing wrong with dating a male or female
    with children or a child as to someone single with no children
    if you care and or love to really get involve with this person
    then surely you would accept the facts of children in the relationship i have dated many in my life with kids and it's been
    nice but everyone not the same it's up to what you feel about kids or like kids .....go with your own feelings about it .
     
  4. yummyyum

    yummyyum New Member MEMBER

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    No. I try not to date people with young children.

    I think that if you meet some one nice and they have kids it can be disappointing. I don't really know how to explain why, but I would imagine it is a mixture of jealousy and selfishness. I've dated men with kids and there were always issues with the children getting attached to you and the relationship ends with the parent or the kids never really take to you and that can cause a rift in the relationship as well.

    As a person who made the "right" choices in life, I am looking to settle down with someone who is in a similar situation as mine. Who wants to enter into a business relationship with a partner who's output far exceeds his/her input--feel me. I feel awful feeling this way (reducing love to a matter of money), but it is the reality of capitalism. I have friends that have children and I see how expensive the little bundles of joy can be. I just can't see me being cool with family money going elsewhere. If we make a bill together that is fine, but a baby is a big expenditure that I am not sure I would agree with if given the opportunity to make a decision ahead of time.

    In all fairness to parents, single people that know they are prone to discriminate should make that decision before felling become involved.
     
  5. angie

    angie New Member MEMBER

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    I have a four year old boy. It takes a very strong black man to date someone with kids. How strong do you think you can be? The main issue is how you feel about an individual, would you want someone not to date you because you have kids( if you did).
     
  6. EXpressurself

    EXpressurself Active Member MEMBER

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    Well I myself have a son and I date men with or without children. That choice I would have to say is a decision you have to make for yourself. Baby Daddy drama, only happens in certain cases my son's father and I both understand that who I date and who he chooses to be with is solely up to us. As long as you do have to play the "DADDY" I would say go for it. If you are interested in this woman i would say give it a try, just let her know the drama upfront you are not for it, get a understanding before you enter the relationship and everything should be fine. Besides if she is a beautiful person, and you really care about her don't let that stop you. Just RESPECT her and her child. :deal:
     
  7. im_the_truth

    im_the_truth Banned MEMBER

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    I'd never date a woman who has kids!
     
  8. polkadot

    polkadot New Member MEMBER

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    Not wanting to date a woman or a man who has kids does not make you a bad person. It is just a preference. For example, some people don't want to date overweight people or short people or balding people. It's all in what you like and what you want to deal with.

    And your uncle is right. There are plenty of African American women out there without children. I'm one of them! :)

    But seriously, you should date someone you like and can love.

    Good luck to you in finding that special someone!

    -M
     
  9. EXpressurself

    EXpressurself Active Member MEMBER

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    As your uncle stated there are plenty of African American sistahs out there without children, yes that is very much so true, however that's your choice. Because a sistah has a child, does that make her bad??? Not in my Book Cause I am one of them :love:
     
  10. Livinitlovinit

    Livinitlovinit Member MEMBER

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    I think whom ever you choose date, is your preferance and peroggative with or with out children. I just think that if you choose to date a woman with a child or children, then that woman should be in control of her life and kids. There are alot of very successful, down to earth, just plain old GOOD women out here that have done wonderful jobs with themselves and their children. Dont settle for just any single mother. There are those out there that have disrespectful, nasty arzz kids that has no respect for anyone, but they think they are sooo cute. Then there are those mothers that think the world owe them something. Then there are those that stay in constant BS with a no good BD. This is only a few problems that most GOOD men will see and run the other way. I commend those wonderful, single mothers that have taken and kept control of their lives. These women tend to be more open to change, and communication. They have gone throught the fire, and have come out on top. Alot of them have the common sence to look at life and situations 360 degrees and have sence of how to deal with whats presented in a Lady like, professional, good person way. So if you choose not to date a single mother then that's fine. Who know;s you may end up a single father one day.
     
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