Black Relationships : Is it to much drama

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Rain, Mar 11, 2003.

  1. Rain

    Rain Active Member MEMBER

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    There is this guy I am dating and he is 26 with two children. I really want to be with him because he is on my level. I have known him for about 3 years prior to hooking up with him. Should i keep it real and go with my feelings or keep it real and find someone with no children. Oh I am 19 No children of my own. Just want to here some opinions .


    Holla Back::love:
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome welcome welcome !!!!

    first allow me to welcome thee
    upon a love a family of Destee
    I hear what u saying .....if u have these emotional feelings
    for him and have a love for children , you two see eye 2 eye
    then yes go with your feelings for him and stand by him
    love him as he loveth u
    but if u feel it's too much and not ready for children
    then indeed u are in the wrong place
    go with your heart , ya gut feelings and what you knoweth of
    sound like you two would be very nice as a whole but
    who am i to say .....

    GOOD LUCK and again Welcome :heart:
    :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:
     
  3. Nfant_De_Milieu

    Nfant_De_Milieu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    At 19 you still have a lot of growning to do. Do not rush things, just let them happen. I say be friends first and see what happens. I have seen many females go down a similar road, most of them getting pregnant in their earlier 20s and losing out on a lot of things, school, friends,ect. The age difference has me wondering too, and you say he is on your level at 26?!! That teenage love is a mutha!
     
  4. Rain

    Rain Active Member MEMBER

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    Thanks yall for the responses Nfant you came at me on the real and i thank you what you said about the age thang is the same thing my sister said but you have to be me to understand. My mind is so past the get caught up in some guy and wonder what happen. Take it slow is what i will do.
     
  5. Nfant_De_Milieu

    Nfant_De_Milieu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No thanks needed my sistah. I am just doing what I am suppose to be doing, watching out for our sistahs, our most valuable resource. :)
     
  6. sexe1

    sexe1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If you care about him the kids shouldn't matter.
     
  7. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I respectfully disagree with you sexe1 ...

    IMHO ... children do matter. They are a part of the equation, and they should not be taken likely or ignored. Believe me, they will have a bigger role in the relationship than you think. The healthiness of the relationship is determined by ALL that's involved...ALL...including the children.
     
  8. sexe1

    sexe1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Zero - I hear what you are saying but I think that people, many times, miss the things that are meant for them because of superficial hangups. If the shoe were on my foot I wouldn't want someone to have to think twice about dating me just because I had kids. There is so much more to me and to what I would offer as a lover than to just let someone define me on the issue of my children. So I respectfully have to stand my ground on this one :)
     
  9. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Cool ...

    sexe1, in your brief one liner it wasn't clear to me what you were saying, but now that you elaborated a little more I understand more of your perspective, of which I do indeed respect. I just couldn't imagine entering a relationship with someone that has children where the children wouldn't matter :) ... I stand corrected...I hear what you're saying.
     
  10. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Think about this

    sexe1, I understand where you're coming from and ideally that's the way things should be. But in reality, IMHO, children do matter in love relationships.

    First of all, it's critical that the one without the children had better like children and have a sense of responsibility and awareness of how to be a good parent because they will become a part of their lives.

    Second, the children should like and respect you because if they don't, that spells trouble that can strain a relationship.

    Third, the couple needs to have that conversation about the children and establish some ground rules. Can the non-parent chastise the children, can they be left alone with the children?

    People should always be very, very careful about introducing new people in their children's lives. Particularly mothers with daughters. I just think that when children are involved, there's more to it than just the two adults who are attracted to each other. As much as we might like to think that they aren't, children play a key role in who we get involved with.

    From my point of view, it's never superficial to think twice, delay or decide not to get involved with someone if the children can't cope with a new relationship for a parent. It could be the difference between harmony and chaos in the home.
     
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