Amun-Ra : Is It Time?

Discussion in 'Amun-Ra' started by Amun-Ra, Sep 18, 2002.

  1. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Is is time for black women to consider dating men from other races? There I said it. We tiptoe around this issue like it isn’t happening but each year there are more single black women. Why?

    The future of black women and marriage needs some serious consideration as the chances for a black woman to marry decreases dramatically with each year she is over thirty and if she is not married by age forty the chances she will ever marry are almost 100 percent.

    In the past four decades, a social and economic revolution has transformed traditional patterns of marriage and family among both whites and blacks. More white women and women of other races are marrying black men. And, black men are increasingly shying away from long term relationships with women who have children. Also, black men are staying single longer than ever.

    In 1950, 64 percent of black men age 14 or older were married, but by 1995, that proportion had plummeted to 43 percent. The percentage of currently married white males in the same age category also dropped, but not nearly as much, from 68 percent in 1950 to 61 percent in 1995.

    “The sexual revolution of the last two decades has wreaked havoc on black relationships." Young black women are now spending years getting an education and building a career. When they turn to thoughts of settling down, they find a small pool of marriageable black men... "Because available women so far outnumber them, many black men often say they see no reason to make long-term commitment . . . They feel it's safer to 'couple for the moment' and move on."

    Marital therapist and radio talk-show host Audrey Chapman worries about tomorrow. "African-Americans are the most unpartnered group in America. Census figures show that 35% of Americans between 24 and 34 have never married. For African-Americans, that figure is 54%." Married black women are even rarer.

    Between 1950 and 1995, the percentage of black women 14 or older who were married fell from 62 percent to under 38 percent. Currently, 59 percent of all white women are married, down from 66 percent in 1950. Data collected by census researchers also suggest that fewer than 75 percent of black women can expect to marry sometime in their lives, compared with 90 percent of white women.

    Patterson said there are an estimated 772 middle-class black men for every 1,000 middle-class black women, and the gap is widening. Those numbers alone would explain why "the situation is almost perfect for middle-class black men" seeking a long-term relationship, marriage or a family, but more difficult for many middle-class black women, Patterson said.

    Forty-eight percent of all black women of marriageable age are either divorced or have never been married (compared with 31 percent of white women). Among African Americans aged 20–39, there are about 10 percent more women than men. An additional 10 percent of males are in prison, and another 10 percent are otherwise restricted by the legal system. Eighty percent of African American graduate students are women. For individuals between the ages of 25 and 55, there are 86.5 black men for every 100 black women. (In this same age group, there are 100.5 white men for every 100 white women.)

    Other causes for this black male shortage include tragically high homicide rates (51.4 deaths per 100,000 black men), suicide rates (9.9 deaths per 100,000 black men, compared with 2.0 per 100,000 for black women), and rates of death from disease and accidents.


    In addition, black men are far more likely to marry non-blacks than are black women. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the incidence of black-white married couples quadrupled between 1960 and 1990. However, writers have suggested that while black men often prefer fairer-skinned women, black women tend not to prefer fairer-skinned men. Also, African Americans are more in demand as husbands than as wives, some research suggests, partly because black men are seen as slightly more masculine than white men and black women are seen as slightly less feminine than white women.

    The media reinforces this image of black men through its stereotypes of African American males as rugged athletes. It has also been suggested that the American government promotes single motherhood for African American women by providing welfare aid and, along with it, a certain degree of economic freedom for these women. This governmental safety net may also aid men in rationalizing their refusal to marry.

    The major increase in the never-married population has occurred among blacks. Between 1975 and 1999, the percentage of blacks that have never been married increased from 32 percent to 44 percent while the percentage of blacks who are married declined from over 42 percent in 1975 to 32 percent in 1999, with nearly 23 percent of African American households headed by women with children.

    Black Americans are more likely to divorce or separate than whites. Black women also tend to separate and divorce earlier in their marriages and are less likely to remarry. Also lower educational attainment among black males reduces the availability black males as well as marginalized earning power brought about by the lower educational levels, racism and bias.
    The divorce rate has had a negative impact on the black community. "Only 18 percent of black women who married in the 1940s eventually divorced a rate only slightly higher than that for white women of that era. But, of that far smaller number of black women who married in the late sixties and early seventies, 60 percent have already divorced."

    Today the number of children born into a black marriage averages less than 0.9 children per marriage and today only one-third of black children have two parents in the home." Interestingly, even with the purposeful destruction of black families by slave masters, during the days of slavery a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents than he or she is today. Nevertheless, as recently as 1960, three-quarters of African Americans were born into a family of a married couple indicating a drastic change during the past 40 years in spite of the success of the Civil Rights and Women’s Movements. , , ,

    Currently in the United States about 43 percent of African American homes are headed by women, while numbers of marriageable African American men continue to decline. The U.S. Census Bureau reports a continued drop in the prevalence of African American husband-wife families and an associated drop in the percentage of resident children and marital births in these families. In 1960, the percentage of African American children living in husband-wife families in southern, nonmetropolitan areas was 66 percent. By 1990, it had dropped to 39 percent, indicating that changes in the structure of the African American family and concurrent increases in poverty have not been restricted to the urbanized North.

    The bottom line is the black women are staying single through no fault of their own—or is it? By restricting themselves to a small selection pool a black woman’s chances at marriage dwindle each day. If relationships are about love and understanding, perhaps it is time to consider other alternatives—or is it?
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    in some ways i agree coz indeed the studies show that many
    blk females r without a mate while white women have one
    by far it's time to venture but i still hope to see our own get to
    a complete and settle down
    out look ............i thing black women not ready yet to go this
    route even as we speak their r 26% who have and another
    13% who will....
     
  3. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is tuff

    Our culture doesnot promote it for women--men are able to do one thing while women are expected to do another--still the shortage exists--with the current rate--there are more single women going with married men--more men with two to three girlfriends--more women unmarried--why?--who knows, but maybe it is time for our women to find a little happiness and if that means crossing the street--maybe its time--Ra

    ;)
     
  4. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    After the fact

    it would seem that way, but early mistakes have a way of hurting later in life when we are ready to settle down--true enough that women with children face an even tougher battle, but it isn't because they don't want to be married--having children young and single often impacts later staus--Ra
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    da outlook of it seem that most unmarried women r young
    with children yet they do seek marriage but so few men who
    wish dis upon them self as they pose da playa style still their
    is a few men who wish to be bonded in a love forever and she
    turn away for da single life i've checked dis out far to many times
    now we still have many men waiting but is it time to cross ova??
     
  6. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It is hard!

    There is clearly a double standard in the black community--men like loose women--they just don't want to marry them--I believe that a woman has every right a man has BUT--the reality is that men hold women to a differnet standard when it come times to marry--our black male culture promotes male promiscuity--the more women the better--a woman can do the same thing BUT at some time in her life some man will hold her accountable--it aint fair, but life often isn't--the fact is few men want a ready made family, especially when they can find women without children--plus men take being men very seriously--among many men--getting married early is a sign of weakness--it is better to hold out--is this always true?--obviously not as witnessed by all the young people who marry--still, the fact remains that each year that a black woman moves past 25, her chances of marrying start to drop while the same is not true for black men--if she has children the chances of her not marrying nearly triples. If a woman happens to be less than attractive then the chances decrease while for men that is less of the case--is it time? We need to get some ladies in here and give us there opinion if its time or not?

    Ra

    :heart:
     
  7. Thandiwe

    Thandiwe Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    so who are the fathers of all these women with children?

    though i love black men, if i found someone who i was attracted to, had similar interests and same understanding or at least respect for each other perspective of life, enjoyed being around, etc. then yes, i would consider it.

    alot of black men are in jail, gay, and/or unworthy so that reduces our pool to choose from.

    i wonder why we place so much emphasis on being married. we are the only animals on this planet who use this concept. other species are not necessarily expected to stay with a mate for life. few do.

    and seeing that there are more women than men then the stats are going to show more women unmarried.

    also white girls live for the day they get married. they dream of the white dress, big wedding and perfect life from the prince charming. doesn't happen, they find out later. many of them are opting for single motherhood. it seems they too are CHOOSING to become single mothers. it's become a trend.

    from my perspective. i don't mind not being married. i've seen the lives of my mother who left my abusive father. i witnessed such violence at a young age, one of my earliest memories at the age of 18 months. i witness an aunt who married 3 times. all of her relationships being abusive in other ways, including physical.

    maybe some of us would rather do good on our own than doing bad with a man.
     
  8. Amun-Ra

    Amun-Ra Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    U got a point!

    The old song says that "I can do bad by myself--I don'tneed no help to starve to death"--you make a very good point--perhaps it is time that women give men the boot or do what we do--use themwhen you need them--still, there are many sisters who want to be married, but because of all the circumstances you mentioned the pool of marriagle black men is shrinking--personally, I feel that "whatever" makes you happy is the way to go, but I know there is a lot of cultural baggage that goes along with as well as societal baggage that makes life difficult--still I think for those women who want to get married, they should not liit themselves to black men--we would not limit ourselves in anything else we would do including choice of career, where we live, who we associate with, or even what color car we drive--so why we would we limit ourselves in who we love? We need so more women to speak out--SPEAK to Me! Where do you stand?

    Ra

    :heart:
     
  9. Thandiwe

    Thandiwe Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    for the record

    no we shouldn't just limit ourselves to black men.

    we want to stick next to your brothas, we really do.
     
  10. Thandiwe

    Thandiwe Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    you know, i don't know of too many women who have said, "i don't want to get married." okay, maybe those that have already been married before. :)

    however, women have working, more independent, and don't have those same societal pressures to marry early and become the "happy homemaker" that was present in our parents days. i think we are just more willing to wait longer for that "one" to come along. and yes sometimes along the way, we have children. doesn't mean we are going in the wrong direction though.

    if i man could love and take me and my child(ren) then he ain't the man for me. that goes for white, black, and all in between.

    LOL! i guess this attitude is why i'm single today. ;)