Black Relationships : Is it really wrong to lie?

@Enki

OK - wow 25 years - that's over a lifetime for me :) ...
Maybe your right - I guess if your wife takes offense...
But with me I'd rather know the truth...
Like if I'm with a guy and I say did you like the meal I cooked I'd rather him say if he didn't....
But say in a helpful, not hurtful way...
Like 'well, it was a little too salty for me' rather than 'no way, that was just disgusting'
But maybe I'm wrong - I'm prepared to admit I may be as I've not had a relationship that's been really long up to now.

Oh and yes I am a girl, just I got no idea how you put that Sister or Brother bit on your posts (plus I'm only part Sister - as in I'm mixed - I've been told before I'm not really a Sister)
 
Like if I'm with a guy and I say did you like the meal I cooked I'd rather him say if he didn't....
But say in a helpful, not hurtful way...

Right off the bat,this is where trouble lay. Most men I know sound curt in responding to answers,I'm that way. If you as be a direct question that requires a simple direct answer like"no",8 times out of 10 you are going to get a simple no.

Like 'well, it was a little too salty for me' rather than 'no way, that was just disgusting'


This has caused more head butting than anything. I wife is this very same way,are you two sisters?:SuN049::SuN049:

I"m not big on salt and when something is too salty I give an instant reaction and when asked what is wrong I say"it's too salty,I can't eat that". That is not being rude,that is just stating a fact. My first wife told me,"if it's a little salty,whats the problem". So you see,a brutha can't win either way.:SuN049:


But maybe I'm wrong - I'm prepared to admit I may be as I've not had a relationship that's been really long up to now.

You are not wrong,It is what it is.IMO,women want to be let down easy,and there is nothing wrong with that.

Oh and yes I am a girl, just I got no idea how you put that Sister or Brother bit on your posts (plus I'm only part Sister - as in I'm mixed - I've been told before I'm not really a Sister)

I won't tell if you won't:toast:

Peace!...My Sista
 
Because women are strange in their behavior,I've had a few and I've seen a commonality in all of them,and those that I know through friendship. I also have friends that have adopted the same tactics that I have to keep peace, and keeping the peace is better for both.

Now do I say I'm going one place when in actuality somewhere else,no,I'm not talking about that type of lying. But IMO,this is a case by case issue and one answer don't and cannot fit all.

Peace!

So basically you lie to keep the peace for YOU not your wife.

People generally do not like hearing the truth.. this is why some women deem it necessary to fake orgasms... even in that scenario, women lie in essence to protect themselves from witnessing the shattering of the fragile male ego.

I'm not on the all men are liars trip, everybody lies, women are even better at lying. I just think it ludicrous for people to actually convince themselves that they lie to protect the other person. That in itself is a LIE:SuN049:
 
Would mind giving an example of when it is better to keep the truth from an adult?

Your wife has gained more than a few pounds over the years, but you love her nonetheless. She asks you one day "Am I fat?".

You are at a wedding of your best friend, and everyone is very happy for them because they are truly made for each other. It is a festive occaision that's filled with smiles & laughter. You, on the other hand, are not feeling it because your home was just broken into the night before, and all your valuables, both personal and financial are gone. Your friend asks you "Having a good time?".
 
Your wife has gained more than a few pounds over the years, but you love her nonetheless. She asks you one day "Am I fat?".

Ans:Yes.

If I were a man and i did not like fat women, then it is my responsibility to tell her when she starts gaining a few pounds to prevent this scenario.

e.g

my mom tells me straightaway when she sees i've gained a few pounds, her words: what are you eating? you're gaining weight.. get a handle on it now before it goes out of control.

You are at a wedding of your best friend, and everyone is very happy for them because they are truly made for each other. It is a festive occaision that's filled with smiles & laughter. You, on the other hand, are not feeling it because your home was just broken into the night before, and all your valuables, both personal and financial are gone. Your friend asks you "Having a good time?".

Ans: You know I am happy for so so (unless you are plotting the demise of their marriage this should hold true)but i don't know if it i told you that our house got broken into last night.. well its really weighing on mind...but today isn't about me, I'm trying to have a good time because i am very happy for so and so.
 

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