My friend is going through a similiar situation and I've been through it enough not to even try it anymore, but I don't want to give her advice on hers because every relationship is different and even though she sees warning signs, she's in defense mode. When a man complains about his last ex and starts a new relationship, then keeps dealing with the ex, is it all about the child? I don't believe it is, because her male friend keeps saying how he loves his child so much and it is so painful for him to be without his child and he would do anything to see his child. I would think if its like that and the ex is such a monster, (from the way he tells it) why can't he get joint custody? Now she's found that the ex has stayed a couple of nights because of "maintenance" problems at her place and he wants his son to be safe blah blah blah. My friend who doesn't know the ex, really believes this lady is a monster and feels sorrow pangs for this man. I just listen to her, because I know she'll only learn through going through it. I don't want her to get hurt, so I tried at first to offer gentle advice and of course I had to get my past failure with a certain man thrown in my face (in a gentle way ) so I know I'd be stepping in the way of her lesson. She hasn't let go, but each couple of days its something and I know she's hurting. I'm asking sisters too, when they are dealing with the fathers and the relationship is technically done, is it about the child?