Black Relationships : Is it me???

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Dec 3, 2003.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello Readers,

    For those who have read my previous post, I hope that this email does not bore you, but this is what my boyfriend wrote me the day before Thanksgiving. I am wondering if it is actually me as the problem.


    Hey sweetheart.

    Well, like U asked, I am emailing U. So just 2 touch on what happened last night. Well, it was wrong of me 2 yell at U last night. & I realize how I should watch my tone not 2 just U, but 2 people in general cuz U never know how or what they could B. Still on the same token, it's not the 1st time I told U about playing with me like U were going 2 take me home B4 we even do anything on a date. Last time should've told U that it wasnt cool 4 U 2 do that. But nevertheless, I 4give U 4 doing so. I understand about your comedy & how U feel that sometimes U can go 2 far with what U do, but that doesnt give U a reason 2 stop doing what U love (& I aint talking about me so get your mind out of the gutter!) Anyways, I'm going 2 talk about that poem that U have written 2 me about me being frustrated at myself 4 my wrongdoings. I believe that I do have the right 2 B feeling the way I do because I know that I dont wanna B the guy who does U faulty continually. The thought of what I have done is not a pretty thought, U know, & having 2 think about what I have done is hard enough. Why would I wanna hear about my own wrongdoings 4 especially if I know down deep in my heart that I feel terrible 4 doing so? And 2 make matters worse, U tell me about these things over & over & over & over & over & over & over again every single day? I dont think that is very necessary cuz after while, or rather, after a few times of hearing about the same crimes against U over & over again does get me frustrated. Now, dont get me wrong, if U were 2 tell me about these crimes say once or twice a week, then that's ok. But I really dont think its necessary 4 me 2 hear about myself lying 2 U, doing U faulty, getting smart or loud with U or anything else of that matter everyday, everynight, everytime we talk on the phone, everytime we talk online, everytime we go out. I realize that U are hurt & cant help thinking about those events, & I also understand that as a woman U do tend 2 vent about what's bothering U, & I understand that I have done U wrong but it would really do me some good if U would lay off the guilt trips 4 a while. At least let a few good days/dates go by B4 another reminder of my crimes against U. And instead of those guilt trips, I recommend a few good words of encouragement regarding our relationship. It helps. As U can see, I didnt go off constantly tripping off the fact that U played like U were going 2 take me home while we were close 2 my house 4 the 2nd time. U know why I dont do it? It's because I dont wanna burden U with the fact that U messed up a little bit. As far as my frustration goes, that builds up everytime I hear about my wrongdoings. And the thoughts that come 2 mind are simply these: "Dont she already see how bad I feel 4 doing such things 2 her? What do I have 2 do 2 show her that I feel her pain & I wont do these things again? If there is a way 4 us 2 get back in good spirits 2gether, she better let me know QUICK or I'm gone because I shouldn't have 2 feel this way long after the crime is done & has been pardoned." Simply, I have those frustrating thoughts in my head because I really do care 4 U & I really wanna make things right between us no matter what it takes, but everytime I hear about what I have done, it seems like U're saying just because the crimes have been committed, there IS no way 4 me 2 make things right even if I were 2 stop lying, doing U faulty, hollering at U, & whatnot. That's what why I have those things registered in my mind. Of course, U've been real sweet 2 me, but at the same token, so have I. Of course U pay 4 most of the dinners & that's because most of the times I dont have any money on me but we still wanna see each other & eat 2gether & of course U feel U should do it because U're such a sweet person. In this poem & everyday U talk so much about how U have been hurt throughout the years & understandably so. I, on the other hand, talk about your past & present hurt & mine also because I am more focused on the everlasting pain that U feel along with my pain & I also try 2 say something 2 encourage myself (mostly myself cuz U never really did anything wrong 2 me) & U (I try 2 comfort U because I want U 2 feel that I do care about U & dont wanna hurt U in anyway) because although, I dont have all the answers on how 2 make relationships like ours work, I do have a strong desire (not {just} that kind of desire!) 4 our relationship 2 work out fine & last a long & I do mean LONG time. But when U talk about how much people have been doing U wrong, I dont hear U say anything about how bad I feel 4 doing wrong nor do I hear anything comforting 4 my own pain. U seem 2 focus so much on yourself & how much I have hurt U & how U wonder how 2 trust me & it seems like I dont get a chance 2 do something about these things. I just have 2 hear your pain as it adds on 2 my very own. Does that make any sense? Now as far as your delicacy is concerned, I'm beginning 2 wonder if your delicacy is only active when people do U wrong like that. I have asked Earl in our conversation today whether or not U take sweet words & sweet actions as seriously as U do with the hurtful words & actions. Well, the big genius of "how-2-treat-Angela" was actually stunned on that one so he told me 2 ask U about that. So I'm asking U, since U take hurtful actions & words hard, is that the same thing 4 sweet words & actions towards U? I really want 2 know about that in full detail! & I need examples & insight from other people about that there! Well, that's all I have 2 say about your poem. I'm going 2 send off this email since I did say that I was going 2 get U one today. So I hope that U think about what I have said since I have thought about what U have said. Talk 2 U later.

    I really need some opinions folks or advice, that would certainly help me. Thank you.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I think it's happening to fast and u both may need to slow down
    if he say he is sorry and ask u to forgive him then you should
    at this point yes , it's you for pushing him into a corner with the
    continue same thing if you don't trust him then he's not the right
    guy for you there is no love without trust and again maybe you should give your heart and life a chance to see the mistakes made from the last relationship and allow your self to feel it
    then open up to feel love and be loved but first acts most time are wrong acts ....slow ya self down and see reality of it
    stop beating him up for a mistake and forgive ....it may be u just
    too over demanding of him and he can't take it .
    I wish u the best of luck in this venture of a soulmate
     
  3. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Consideration

    Maybe you are right about the being hard to forgive. I won;t argue that because once someone does me faulty as far as mitakes or whatever I keep on bringing it up, I guess because I don;t think they see how hurt I am from it so I keep on "running in into the ground", but I must say that I am very against liars and he knows that. I have been honest with him from the first day we have ever talked back on April 13 until now which is December 3rd. I have never got smart with him. I have never raised my voice towards him. I have been a sensitive one, who just wants to be loved and I don;t know if he is getting that message or not. But to a certain extent, I do agree with what you are saying about the demanding and keep bringing the situation up and not being able to forgive him right away.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    but at the same time if within your heart you feel betrayed
    then it must be for you to release but you can run him away as well keep running it deep like a cut womb
    the question is can u forgive , let go and move forward with him
    if you feel you can't it may be best to let go all together even if you may love or have feelings for him we all make changes for the best in our life
    do try to work it out and seek why he lied in the first place
    maybe he was afraid to release or something of the sort
    no need to get stressed out when there are other ways to
    resolve it .
    Good Luck sistah .
     
  5. UPTOWNE

    UPTOWNE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    IT AIN'T YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

    Cold HARD facts!

    The way I see it is this guy wants you sexually! And you have yet to commit to him. This frustrates him he loses his cool acts out. Afterwards he regrets what he has done, cause he feels he may have blown his chance to be intimate with you. (thats all) He doesn't love you he wants to make love to you ( he has peppered the email with the fact that that is a factor in the relationship that he wants you to be aware of) He has not by his own words made any sacrifices to be with you! Ca'mon now buying him dinner more than once is nice but all the time cause he's broke? ( what does he do with his money? why can't he put a lil aside to spend on the woman he cares about so much?) PLEASE that ain't a man thats a boy in a mans body with a rude attitude and a with a one track mind!!!!!!!! You have made it clear to him too many times that you have been hurt by others and that you don't wanna feel that way again!! You have said that you want to be treated with kindness tenderness and respect!! He is incapeable!!!!!!!! RUN don't walk away from this boy! He has nothing to offer you but DRAMA! Can't you see the hand writting on the wall? If he loved you none of this would be relevant, cause he would have conformed to your wishes. The reason he hasn't is because he wants you to get use to his garbage! If you become intimate with this fool it will just get worst leave him alone You are better than that. He had a shot he blew it You know enough about him to know that he is NOT THE ONE!
     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    legit-writer ... Hey Sister ... oh my ... first of all, i'd think something was wrong with him that he wrote me this really long letter without taking the time to spell the words out properly! Wassup with that??!! I guess you can cipher it, right? Okay, that would be my first complaint.

    I must admit that i didn't read the whole thing because it hurt my eyes and mind to read all the Internet shortcuts he made with words! But that that i did scan over and take the time to read ... it seems he's blaming you for a whole lot of stuff ... like why do you go on and on about the pain you've experienced in your life?! This is the man that you love and that loves you??!!! He should be willing to listen as many times as you need to say it. Any less is not acceptable. You'd listen to him, right?

    I don't know Sister, i didn't read it all, but obviously you have some reluctance "relaxing" in his "love" or you'd not be posting this here. Follow your mind, cause when we follow our heart ... we sometimes regret it.

    :heart:

    Destee

    ps ... and about that eating together and stuff, but he never has any money ... we'd just be together, i'd eat and he'd watch ... shoot. :)