Black Women : Is it all about the "bling bling"?

007 -

"We consider looks (sad but true), intelligence (wheather we are on the same level) personality, demeanor, since of humor, understanding, trustworthiness, and sex(sad but true). In none of those qualities do you find money, stability, fortitude, occupation(or lack thereof) or ability to provide for a family. Contrary to popular belief we use our hearts to decide on a partner much more than women. Women think about things like ' money, stability, fortitude, occupation(or lack thereof) and ability to provide for a family' those are requirements from the head and not the heart. All I was saying was that if some women were to give the man at McDonalds a chance he may melt your HEART and LEARN to provide in order that he may ease your MIND and earn your respect and trust in the process. The fact that a man would subject himself to ridicule for working at McDonalds says volumes about his work ethic and his charactor. But many women would not know that because he gets no chance simply because of the perception that he will not be able to provide."

007 -

If that's the criteria that men use to select a woman in which to merge your life and possibly the mother of your children, then it is your choices and decisions and take responsibiltity for it.

I wouldn't say that women think more with the head and less with the heart than men. Those 'requirements' mean the ability to take care of those you love. They are not the 'mushy' and romantic type things we like to talk about like a nice body, nice smile, making me laugh, etc, but they are also expressions of love as well.

And so - All I'm saying is that if a man is working at Mcs and is ready to start a family, he should consider that himself and ask 'can I take care of a family working here?'. He should already know that and not have to worry about a woman taking a chance on him, giving him a chance to melt her heart, and learning to provide for her and easing her mind. He should work that out with himself.

Before one even think about merging your life with another, you should already know how you want to live and as you meet people you will know what type person best fit into your life's scheme.

I'm saying that working at McDonalds should not be the issue. The issue should be if he could step up & step in when/if need be. His work ethic, and his working at all is a good thing. But the stigma attached to working at McDonalds when better/greater opportunities elsewhere may raise questions for some women. I don't know.

I know that regardless of how much money I make, I want to be assured that I and my children will be taken care of, if my money was taken out of the equation. Whether he's at Mcs, the car wash, a mechanic, a police officer, it doesn't matter. What matters is when it's time to step up-all I want to hear is footsteps 'stepping up' and not stuttering about 'what are we gonna do now'. And my honey should feel the same. He shouldn't have to hear 'oh what am I gonna do now'. To ensure that to each other, is an expression of love.
 
Anana---

I understand where you are coming from. I hope that I didn't convey that I didn't. You are coming from the same place that most women are coming from in regards to someone who is able to provide. I understand....I don't agree...But, I understand.

I am not saying that women should not think that way. All I am saying is DON'T COMPLAIN about not being able to find a "good man" if you are systematically eliminating half of the prospects because you feel like you need a man to be able 'step up'. You all say that it is easier for a man to find a good women. The reason is because we aren't disregaurding women because of their financial status/potential. We simply have more to choose from because we look at all and yall only look at the "good providers." Not right or wrong just fact. (in most cases)
 
I see we need to take a lesson from the Discovery Channel

Dre' and Anana...Can we agree that there are some basic differences in the way men and women think when it comes to selecting mates? Basically I don't have problems with anything either of you says.

I think that some of the differences we experience in our approach to mate selecting is biologically driven by hormones and the levels we each have: testosterone and estrogen, as well as how we are socialized. I've already mentioned the social aspects in an earlier post.

On a basic level, I think that when men and women look for a mate, there are certain things they look for and reasons why. You see this explained often in mammals featured on the Discovery Channel (don't laugh, I'm serious *lol*). I don't think we are that far removed from the same concept although grant you we're higher on the intellectual chain.

Females look for a mate that is an alpha-male, a smart and powerful leader. The runt and the weaklings never get any play. The alpha-male controls the "family" and brings order when their is chaos, establishes the rules the "family" will follow and provides them with protection.

Males look for a mate that he can breed with and who will give him babies that are strong and healthy. He wants a female that is intelligent and will be a good nurturer of his babies to insure that his gene pool continues in the future by providing strong leaders.

Instinctively I think humans are doing essentially the same thing, but in man's world during modern times, our natural instincts have become dull and life isn't that simple. When women say what they look for in a partner, as Anana described, I think they're saying they are looking for that alpha-male and who knows, maybe he can be working in a McDonald's, although I'd seriously have to question why.

Dre' the way you describe what most men look for in a female partner sounds biologically sound too. The problem is that today, humans have the ability to disguise themselves and appear to be something they aren't so it's not always easy to identify their true qualities in the beginning.

Women might see a handsome "manly" looking man and get all excited. He might be well-dressed, smell good, have that vibrant personality and has a job. Men might see a very attractive woman who can carry on a conversation without splitting verbs, who laughs at his jokes and become instantly "hooked". A chicken-head, she is not (at least on the surface.) But all of these tangible things do not an alpha-male or queen make.

So bringing things up several notches to the two-legged, upright walking, equipped with thumbs and functioning with a reasonably large brain species, it's obvious we have to do a little more work when it comes to selecting the "right" mate. There is an old saying, there's someone for everyone.

The Discovery Channel is quite interesting, I find. *lol*
 
Why would you question why he is working at McDonalds??

Let me tell you why I used McDonalds as an example. I have a friend who works at Mickey D's . He has been there about 10 years. He makes over $40,000 per year. (he's a manager) But when he introduces himself and tells a woman where he works that seems to be the end of their interest. He purposely leaves out the part that he is a manager and makes a good living at it. His perspective is...if that is all they are concerned with, he doesn't want them anyway. So back to my original point-- There is no problem with having 'a man who can provide' as a priority when looking for a man, but don't complain when you can't find one because you have eliminated half of the eligable men with this requirement that they be someone that can provide this false sense of security that is rooted in what women 'perceive' to be strength.
 
Dre', you're right. I assumed Anana meant someone flipping burgers for a career. If someone is happy doing that, that's okay. But being honest, being the type of woman I am who always likes to push the envelope, I would want my man and would encourage him to do more with his life. Not because of the money, but because of the broader possibilities and opportunities. I would want my man to be the best that he can be by growing and changing, building, seeking, moving forward. If he wasn't that type of person, yes, I would have problems with that. But it's not about the money but about the potential and all the wonderful possibilities.

There's more I could add to this but I don't have time right now. Let's continue this conversation.
 

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