Black Relationships : Is He Being Manipulative

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Jackeys, Dec 7, 2006.

  1. Jackeys

    Jackeys Member MEMBER

    Dec 7, 2006
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    I'll admitt that I was wrong when I decided to go through my boyfriends phone because I suspected him of cheating. I called back one of the numbers that I noticed he called before he called me and sure it enough it was a girl he was messing around with. Right after I got off the phone with her she called him and told him about the conversation. I was done with him and didn't want to talk to him for a while but he insisted on calling my phone repeatedly until I answered and he was very upset. He wasn't upset that he had got caught cheating, he was upset because he felt I had invaded his privacy and was disrespectful. I began to feel quilty especially when he started to cry and told me about all the other difficulties in his life and how I was only adding to that. I apologized and admitted that I was wrong. He then told me that I was delusional and the only way to show him that I was sorry would be to call the girl and tell her that I was sorry for calling her and for lying to her, but I hadn't lied about anything. Him and I were in a relationship and he was pursuing her. He wanted me to apologize while he was on the phone and I refused because although I shouldn't have called her I was not about to apologize for it. So what was his point? Once he realized that I wasn't going to do it, he told me to have a nice life and our conversation ended. I didn't want the relationship to end, I wanted us to work out whatever problems we were having which were obviously trust, but I realize the was being manipulative in a way and shifting the blame on me because he had gotten caught.

    Was he being manipulative and what should I do??
  2. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

    United States
    Oct 21, 2005
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    :hiya: Welcome,

    It is a lil intrusive to go through your bf's phone without confronting him beforehand. However, I am a firm believer in "girl, it's better to snoop and satisfy that curiosity and get answers, than sit on the sidelines trying to play the role of a good woman, but can't sleep at night due to worrying".

    If there's no trust, there's nothing. That's like playing emotional Russian Roulette; you never know WHAT stunt a person will pull, especially if they have the gall to make you accept such an arrangement, unwillingly.

    If you two didn't have a prior arrangement to see other people, that's wrong on his behalf. Also, the fact of that woman running back and spilling y'alls convo should tell you that they may have a bond stronger than yours with your man; she is a willing adulterer; she was not duped by your bf. IMO, THEY are trying to play you, while he makes it appear as though SHE is the other woman.

    Yes, this man seems very manipulative and calculating. He's projecting the guilt on you that you detected in him. Has he been that way throughout your relationship?

    If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't bother with a man of his caliber, let alone invest too much of anything in him. While I don't know the depth or seriousness of y'alls relationship, you should consider doing an inventorial check, and reflect on exactly what he's giving you, what you have, and how much you're willing to give away. Love can be blind, but you don't have to be. You deserve the BEST:spinstar:


  3. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jan 12, 2006
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    Sweety you must be young.
    Yes you invaded his privacy but obviously you had it in your heart that he was unfaithful.
    You know the truth now so stop defending a lie.
    Let him be.
    I know it's hard but you have to let him be.
    Trust me you'll be fine.
    You weren't born with him and you wont die without him.
    Trust your instincts
    Know your value
    Love yourself
    Good luck baby
  4. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    United States
    Feb 19, 2001
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    You were wrong for invading his privacy

    :hammer: But dear, he was cheating. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

    You dont need him back. And if you take him back, you're asking to be used :hammer:

    The relationship is over, accept that. :deal: :jumping:

    Find someone that really appreciates, YOU :love: And move on :bus: