Black Relationships : Is divorce inevitable?

toylin said:
Well, it's official. I am now separated. As of 1 pm, June 1, 2004.... My husband moved out this morning. Strangely enough, I don't feel anything. If anything, I seem happier than I have been. Maybe my heart is trying to tell me something.

This is an indication that you probably made the right decision. Good Luck
 
I wish you and your son the best Sister Toylin. Your sisters at Destee.com are here for you when and if you need our morale support. Some of us have had the same personal experience and share your emotions. Remember, Sister Chat is a place where we come together each week to talk about issues that we often face as real Black women. So please keep that in mind and press on sister!

Your Sister in the struggle,
Queenie :heart:
 
Hi Toylin,

Congratulations on making a decision. When he said he would move out and give you the key to his place I was like I know girl friend better have more sense than to go for this. There's something about making a decision that just brings joy and the Bible says the joy of the Lord is our strength. But sitting around waiting for someone else to decide when and if we are going to be happy brings anxiety and a false sense of helplessness. It's false because you do have the power to live your life.
 
Do you Stay / Do you Leave
Written By: Tia Williams (Duncan) 01/14/04

I just heard someone say…
That they are not happy in their relationship
To admit there is a problem is part one to the solution…
Part two is the decision.
To know that you are not happy is to determine what will make you happy.
Stop and think…is there anything that your mate can do to make you happy…
Be honest with yourself…no one has to know the answer (right now).
Do you really want this person to make you happy???
Are you still in Love with your mate…or are you in love with the fact that you are in a relationship?
Are you staying in the relationship for the sake of the relationship, or because you truly Love your mate?
Are you so set on making the relationship work, that you have forsaken your own personal needs?
When you close your eyes and envision your mate touching you, making Love to you, does it excite you, or does it turn your stomach?
Do you still get the warm feeling you use to get when your mate enters the room?
Are you frustrated that your mate is no longer interested in you, or is it the other way around?
Are you in it for the kids, and is this the example of a loving family you want to set before your kids?
If you are unhappy in your relationship, and your mate no longer makes you happy, do you stay, do you leave?
The answer is simply yes…
Yes you stay if you are willing to accept the fact that you will be unhappy, and began to live accordingly…You can no longer hold your mate responsible for your unhappiness, if you decide to stay!
Yes you leave, if you choose happiness over the mechanics of a relationship, and holding your mate responsible will no longer be an issue, because it is now up to you to find your happiness!
So, when is your mate responsible?
Your mate is responsible if and only if they have lied, then they are responsible for misleading…
The decision to stay or leave is up to you…you have to be responsible for your own actions and decisions…
To make your mate suffer, or feel guilty because of a failed relationship is childish.
You will only harbor anger, and bitterness, and the need for revenge when you decide that you don’t want to take responsibility for your own actions, or you are not willing to accept the fact that your mate no longer want to be a part of your life.
If it don’t fit, don’t force it.
If it don’t fit, fix it.
Decide and live your life accordingly!

If you should happen to read this,
I pray that peace will find its way into your heart, soul and mind, so that all decisions are made prayerfully and peacefully.


Tia
 

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