Black Relationships : Is cheating actually wrong?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by African_Prince, Nov 7, 2009.

  1. African_Prince

    African_Prince Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Up until recently, I would have said that infidelity is both immoral and disrespectful. Then I adopted the view that it was disrespectful but not immoral (if it could be guaranteed that one's partner would never find out about it) and now I'm not sure it's even that much (disrespectful).

    Imo, something is morally wrong if it either a) causes someone else to suffer or b) deprives them of pleasure/happiness. Cheating on your spouse, if it could be guaranteed that (s)he will never find out, would not cause him or her to suffer nor would it deprive him or her of pleasure/happiness. His/her preference to be in a monogamous relationship would be satisfied, irrespective of whether or not they actually are in a monogamous relationship. The standard argument against cheating is "I wouldn't want my partner to cheat on me or to keep it from me" but this is actually a nonsensical thing to say and I think it comes from our highly developed capacity for abstract thinking. If you did not know that X=Y then it's meaningless to say "If I didn't know X=Y, I would want to know that X=Y", it's not as though you would be sitting there thinking " I wish someone would tell me that X=Y " or "I wish X did not equal Y". What exists to you is what you consciously experience.

    At the very least, I argued, it was disrespectful but to 'respect' someone is to hold them in high esteem. People do not cheat because they have a low opinion of their partner or because they are dissatisfied with their relationship, although I'm sure both justify cheating to someone who themselves believes that cheating is unethical and/or disrespectful. Bob has sex with Jill because he is attracted to Jill, not because he lacks respect for his wife Elisabeth or is dissatisfied with their relationship.

    I feel that it's tacky to lie to someone you care about but I can't actually articulate why it is disrespectful or why honesty is a moral virtue in circumstances where lying wouldn't alleviate suffering or cause pleasure/happiness. I just don't see how you could lie to someone and be truly intimate with them. If nothing else, I think cheating is morally irresponsible for the simple fact that you cannot guarantee your partner will never find out and it wouldn't be worth the risk of causing them distress.
     
  2. Josef

    Josef Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    if you want a open relationship, then it should be stated in the very beginning.

    cheating causes mistrust, lying, cover ups and so on....

    cheating, is lying, not only to your spouse, but also to yourself...

    discuss it upfront, those who cheat do so, because they know the other would not put up with it..

    so why sneak around? if unhappy with being in a relationship


    either fix it, or leave it:10500:
     
  3. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    You know you got issues, right?
     
  4. Full Speed

    Full Speed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Why do you call it "Cheating" if you don't think it is wrong?

    Your rationale is TWISTED.

    You simply don't understand and obviously have never experienced the fulfillment and rich rewards of a man being "one flesh" with his wife.
     
  5. Mikha'el

    Mikha'el Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    cheating is wrong....end of story
     
  6. Jahari Kavi

    Jahari Kavi Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    cheating on your mate when you two have made a commitment to have a monogamous relationship is wrong imo........
     
  7. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Unless y'all have made these decisions in advance, cheating is wrong.
     
  8. African_Prince

    African_Prince Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I've reconcluded that cheating is disrespectful but not immoral.
     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Sigh




    Cheating is the ultimate betrayal and in fact is lying. By definition, it implies that you have promised to be faithful and true to your partner. If your business partner doesnt know you took money out of the accounts, it's still fraud and embezzlement. The same logic holds in a relationship.
    Moreover, cheater tend to get sloppy and eventually get caught! Just because the other person doesnt discover your lie doesnt make it any more right. Therefore, both your logic and your arguments are screwy.




















     
  10. decipherx1

    decipherx1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In most societeis since the begining of time, having more than one mate is natural,
    it is only considered cheating or Infidelity in most Western and Judeo/ Christain/Isalmic societies because of their religious beliefs.
    Look at the Bible; hell, you had all type of Men sleeping w/
    more than one women in there, but God approved of Abraham,and Hagar
    having intercousre while still married to Sarah.???
    So it depends upon the Religious system you live under that makes it a sin or considered or infidelity
     
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