Black People : Is anyone else...

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by truetothecause, Mar 10, 2008.

  1. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Greetings All!

    With all the death and destruction our people are suffering from bad diets, bad water, emotional stress and pain all leading to major medical illnesses, namely cancer, altzheimer's, diabetes, heart attacks leaving people requiring total care. I'm wondering if anyone else is living with or a caregiver for a family member who has a terminal illness?

    Please keep in mind, I'm clear about the need for and use of alternatives to western medicine, yet, cannot force my family members to practice what I know and believe. So, I work to support them in the decisions they have made as difficult and painful as it is.

    Have you watched someone in the process of making their transition....a very close loved one?

    If so, how do you manage the daily stress and pain associated with it.:?:
    How do you take care of yourself when they person gets to the point of needing 24/7 care and monitoring?

    How are YOU doing with it:?:

    All thoughts and words of support and inspiration are welcomed.


    M.E.

    :hearts2:
     
  2. Moorfius

    Moorfius Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Life is only a Lesson in it Self *

    Hotep

    There is a proverb that says that the creator never puts more on a Soul than it can bare. Think about this

    In other words the spirit / soul can bare even "Death"...and still survive. Taking care of a family member in certain times is our "Duty" and we must obey and submit to the opportunity that is placed before us in order to "Grow" to another level...that can not be measured in dollars, understanding or even consideration for our selves from others most times...it is a personal journey that we must carry alone but we can handle it if we just except the obligation that is placed before us and gain satisfaction from knowing that we must take care of our own...as it has been done from the beginning of time.

    Today with the high level of anti-culture...ware no one cares about any thing but selfishness and the out right self destructive life styles and mis-education and all other mis-information about every thing concerning life...it is sometime vary hard and flustering when others don't seem to care or understand what you are going through...but how can they? Depending on others to help or even understand most times is a waste of mental energy and a spiritual drain on a care taker of a loved one.

    We as a people are soo far removed from what is "Natural" with out even knowing that we are...only embracing and have been embracing for generations what has been past on and taught to us with out even knowing that it is..."The Culture of Death"! But even our elders have not or can not reach a higher level of existence because we all have been made to think that we are doing the right things when the truth is...we have only been passing on and following the dictates of the "System of White Supremacy" that is forced on us during this...slavery era. This means every thing concerning all hue-man activities / interactions such as religion, food, drink, education, ancestors, habits, laws of discrimination , self esteem and life styles that are only govern by "Racism" and nothing else...but we must find our way through it all.

    To take care of a parent or any loved one who needs total care is a sacrifice as some one had to sacrifice so that we all can come as far as we have in life regardless of our social conditioning in Amerikkka. Today as it has always been we strive for a better life as we reach out to the past (ancestors) for answers outside of the structured programs set in place by the white establishment to control our minds called western "Religions" that has and always will mis-lead and mis-direct all of us into nothing more than a continued "Spiritual-Death"...that only keeps us ware we are...and ware is that except under the control of the White Supremist and Racist Amerikkkan Government that wants us to think that they are doing all they can to be our white friends!?!

    With all this said...this is what we all have to deal with that is effecting our relationships with our selves, families and friends...that is absolutely contrary to the universal laws of "Nature". But we must continue to struggle and fight for our Liberation from it and find our personal "Sanity" in the process. We can do it...step by step by step...do MA`AT and Live!

    Ase`
     
  3. Edward Williams

    Edward Williams Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You just have to do the best you can as you go through your existence on this planet attempting to solve problems without producing more problems. In the process of solving problems, the way to solve problems without producing more problems is, in the process of solving any problem you make sure, to the best of your ability, you don't mistreat anyone and also, to the best of your ability, you make sure the person who needs help the most get the most help.

    If you begin to solve problems without producing more problems by ensuring, to the best of your ability, you don't mistreat anyone and also, to the best of your ability, you make sure the person who needs help the most get the most help, you will have focus and begin to see what you are capable of doing and also see what additional resources you'll need in order to be able to accomplish more. Solve problems without producing more problems. That's THE LOGIC.
     
  4. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank You Brothers Moorfius and Edward Williams!

    Your comments are extremely HELPFUL:luv:


    M.E.

    :hearts2:
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister True ... i have taken care of loved ones during their last days. I am not currently doing that now though.

    It's interesting that you've asked these questions, because when i was doing the work, giving the love, i didn't even think about such things. Looking at them now, trying to consider answers for them, makes the task all the more overwhelming in my mind. That's just too much to think about, when a job needs doing, and you must do it.

    When my Mother called me (from a thousand miles away), and told me that the doctor said she had 3 weeks to live, i was by her side the same day. I had 2 young children, and i left them both. I had a job and i left it too. I didn't really think about how am i going to do this. I just knew i had to do it, just knew i had to get to her. My son was in high school and my daughter in middle school. When they got out of school that day, i had my plane reservation, bags packed, and told them we had to work as a TEAM, and i'd be in touch.

    My Mother's 3 weeks turned into 3 months, and i still never left her side. I'm blessed to have great children, that really helped make it all possible, but i didn't think about that at the time. I didn't think about myself, or how am i going to manage anything, other than my Mother's comfort, care, and well being. That was the priority all the time. If i had thought of anything else, all that was going undone, all that i could have been doing, or perhaps should have been doing, i'd probably be more krazee than i am right now. None of those things came to my mind.

    At one point my Mother said to me ... "Baby, i can go to a nursing home or something, so you can go back to work. I don't want to burden you like this." ... I told her if she doesn't be still and quit talking krazee talk to me, that she and i were gonna fall out ... :)

    It just never was a thought back then ... and the Creator let everything work out.

    When i was caring for my Great Aunt, my GrandMother's Sister, my Mother's namesake ... my employers tried to make me feel some kind of way for the time i was missing from work. I could tell they didn't count her as a "close relative" and all of my absences from work were "unexcused" ... but i didn't care about that. It was just the two of us here in Mobile (my children, her, and me), and there was no one else to care for her. She had no children of her own. My GrandMother and Mother had already passed, and i knew it was mine to do. I wasn't hearing anything else, except the thoughts in my Spirit regarding my obligation to her, those who had already passed on, and my children who were watching.

    Even my Father in Law, who had children of his own ... and i was no longer married to his son ... but he had been soooo good to me all the years, even though i wasn't married to his son anymore. He treated me like ... gosh, i wanna say like his own daughter ... but he was even better to me than that ... he treated me like the wife his son failed to do. He cared about me so much, so when he got sick, and his own children didn't take a leave from work to come home and care for him ... i was there. I left my own home, and moved in with him and my Mother in Law (who was to weak to care for him). I even moved my computer over there! :) I moved in and did everything they needed and asked of me. I bathed him, fed him, walked him, everything! He even had me shave his testicles! :eeek: ... oh my gosh ... :) ... I was so honored to be able to give him just a portion of the love back, that he'd given me all the years. In addition, my daughter was away in college and so worried about her GrandFather, she could hardly study. So, my being there comforted her as well. Gave her an opportunity to relax and focus on her studies, while getting updates regularly from me. I also wanted to continue my example to my children, that such will be required of them as well, when their Elders get to the place where such care is needed.

    In this day and time, when we have been tricked out of our respect for our Elders, when we are so quick to throw our people away ... i really felt a great sense of obligation to just get the job done. I never even thought about the logistics, how are we going to make this happen.

    Thinking on it now, it really makes an overwhelming task, all the more challenging, because the answers aren't clear, there's rarely enough money to maintain everything that needs to be maintained, nor enough hours in the day.

    Hmmmmm ... my assessment is don't think too hard about it ... just do it ... and Thank God it's in you to do.

    Great topic ... thanks for letting me share.

    Stay Forever Encouraged Sister.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks you for Sharing Destee…

    First off let me say, you are right. It is something we just do. I have done it for several family members as well in the past couple years.
    My mother, I am happy to say, continues to do well. As some may know, I moved to last year Florida to be with her when she was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I too, gave it no second thought, leaving behind a job in my field and the chance to get back into my life AFTER caring for an Aunt who had made her transition.

    Family dynamics are different for us all and due to mine, I returned to philly a couple months ago. My mother and I made the decision together and as stated, she continues to do well.

    Back in philly now, I am in a position to now refocus on my life, gaining employment. My sister is "blessed" (according to her and others) to have me with her as she cares for her husband and I am providing support to them both at this time.

    What prompted me to ask the question came from a couple places.
    One, with all that is going on, rising cancer rates, increased toxins in the foods and water, rather still, the impact of all on this generation, I did not think I am the only one who has been with family members of late making their transitions. I wondered how many others where also experiencing this and if any were also interested or willing to talk about it.

    In my world, there are not many who can offer words of encouragement as everyone is struggling to live on a daily basis. Some of my frustrations are centered around having knowledge of alternative cares which my people do not fully embrace. Remaining respectful to their style of living or dying becomes my primary challenge and concern at times.

    Another thing is that I have found the process to be kind of fascinating. I’ve seen babies in my family and with a few friends come into this world and watching others leave is a constant amazement to me.
    My views on “death” are a bit eccentric probably within my family system, tho, I did not believe I am alone in the cause for celebration when one makes their transition. While painful for sure, knowing their Spirit has moved on, leaving me/us behind, the memories of Love, strength and caring received as our Spirits interacted on this planet always remain.
    Finally, I do think of myself during this time as well. I am not financially secure and this too is a priority and creates some stress. I’m not overly concerned as I trust I will not land on the streets without basic needs, yet, I must be cared for in order to care for the other.

    Along with being here for my sister and brother-in-law, I have another family member who got hurt and requires care and attention. Everyone has said to me, “thank god you got back just in time….for so and so”.
    It has been a long few years for me with numerous challenges and people in need. I know I said to the Creator many times in my life…”here am I …send me”….and IT did!

    I do not lie. At least, not knowingly and there ARE times when I work to sorta re-negotiate with the Creator…cause….every now and again…..I could use some tender loving care as well.
    My profession …which I thoroughly enjoy, placed me in a position to walk with folk through very difficult times in their lives. So, “just doing it” is something I’m familiar and comfortable with.

    Again, family dynamics and resources for support are different for us all. There are times when I need to hear from others, words of encouragement and/or to validate the reality that “I am not alone” in my experiences in this world…and..to let others who may also be experiencing this to know the same.

    That was the basis of the post.

    Thank you for Sharing your experiences so openly as you always do Destee.:luv:

    M.E.

    :hearts2:
     
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