apologies are no good if the offense is repeated so I wont say sorry this time, I just won’t repeat it it’s similar to standing you up and I feel kinda bad it makes it worse when you don’t get mad I feel like I’m floating right now, drunk as a wino I almost smoked some weed, but I gave myself a mental time-out I wanted to rush home to kick it with you more but if I had left to soon, my friends would be sore next time I have to leave, I’ll just tell you good night and if I get home and happen to see you, everything will be alright listening to hip hop, lost in a zone all my own wondering why I feel so empty and alone my life is not what I imagined it would be bad choices and regret are the main things blocking me at least I’m making progress by not buckling under pressure my path is laid before me like it’s on a stretcher I can take the right road or choose wrong yet again I’m learning that life is worthless without a few good friends I’ll try and stop being anti-social and mingle a bit long as I can be around weed and not smoke it. all my friends and people seem to smoke I loved the smell when I was high, but sober it makes me choke I feel so good when I’m clean, why is it so hard to stop? Weed is like prison, no bars but you’re as good as locked it’s a mental thing, no physical withdrawal or shakes but the addiction is strong as an earthquake I think I’ll be alright after a few times saying no my willpower is building constantly, and all my friends know, to not offer it to me when they are having sessions having people lose faith in me has taught me a lesson. If my word means nothing, what am I? I’ll just have to find another way to get by I try to not be selfish but I have so many issues I’m mad I stayed out late, cuz now I miss you I hope you’re not upset or disappointed in me pretty soon I’ll prove everyone wrong by being all I can be the army is not the answer to my problems I know I will learn discipline, trust, and how to be responsible though I can’t wait to go, so I’m done slowing myself down if my pool of self disgust grows any larger I might drown night holds so many questions and so few answers nagging thoughts eat at me like a cancer I know I can change my life without any hocus pocus all I need to do is to keep my focus Derrick H.