This topic might appear to be a little raunchy but I think this is a serious topic and should be looked at as a serious topic. Sistas are more than welcome to join into the discussion especially if you've been affected by this topic. So last night I was working my normal graveyard shift but strictly on overtime hours which means I had to work with a few people I don’t normally work with. There is this new white boy at the company we work for who for some odd reason felt that he could open up to me and spill his life story. Naturally I’m working graveyard so I just want him to shut-up and let me be. He talked about music, rap and his disdain for it and I just listen. To be honest I thought he was going to slip up and say the N-word for a second there. I started zoning this dude out because he was sitting next to me on his computer while I’m trouble-shooting some network server issues on mine but then he said something that caught my interest. He started talking about his girlfriends and this dude is super nerdy so now I’m listening because I want to hear him throw out some lies (lol). I mean it was going to be the highlight of my night. So while he talking and giving me all of these stories I’m laughing internally yet his phone rings and one of the girls he was talking about – her picture pops up and he puts it on speaker phone – like – right next to me. She began to talk filthy and now I’m sitting there in total shock because I’m looking at this guy who is about 5`10, 250lb with a serious beer gut talking to some woman who seriously looked like a swimsuit model. I couldn’t even continue with work I was so shocked – which taught me a lesson I should have known a long time ago about confidence and what it can get you. Nevertheless, that is not what brings me to this topic. He’s been with that woman for 2 years and he loves her according to what he tells me but what I have to say next it keep me from falling asleep last night knowing how tired I was. He turned to me and said “women have sex for relationships and men have relationships for sex”. When he said that I naturally giggled and asked him what did he mean by that? He evaded my question as though he didn’t hear me which he didn’t because he just like to talk and said “but dude I’m tired of her already – I’m going to have sex tonight but she’s not invited”. So then I kind of rudely interrupted and asked, “Are you going to cheat on her”? He said if my hands are my mistress then I’ve cheated on her thousands of times already. So now I’m sitting there just staring at my monitor without touching my keyboard in amazement at this guy’s brutal honesty. He goes further to say that she was just trying to save the relationship and now she’s to the point where she will do anything with him but he said he was deprived for a majority of their relationship so he’s going to let her suffer mentally like he did. So now I’ve gone from ‘dude please shut-up” to dude “tell me more”. He explained that he’s ready to dump this woman because he has a better time with himself and that he’s grown attached to himself. I gave him that ‘are you crazy look’ and he recognized it and that’s when he said: “I’ve grown sick and tired of begging her for sex and when she finally gave in I felt as though I was a burden to her or that she was giving me pity sex. (Laughing) That does a lot for a man’s confidence I tell you that. Dude I grew tired of begging and because of all the rejections I stopped asking and turned to my computer for comfort. Dude I watch porn every single day and now I don’t have to ask for it, beg for it, skip foreplay, there’s never any rejections and I get to fulfill ever fantasy I’ve ever had with as many women as I want to have my fantasies with. Dude I’m in a win-win situation now.” At this point I’m in total ah as to how this dude can say all of this to me without knowing me for one and for two just saying it period. Yet I was able to ask this question and he listen which was “why is she calling you now and saying all of the things she was saying on the phone. To me it sounded like she wanted him but then he said the most thought provoking thing of the whole conversation. He said, “Dude she doesn’t want to see me with anyone else number 1. Number 2 she knows that she’s beautiful and just the thought of me seeing other women who possible look better than her is like a knife to her confidence. 3 when she finally offered to have sex I rejected her but what she didn’t know I had already had my fun so she thinks I don’t find her attractive anymore which is a confidence killer. 4 She totally destroyed my confidence and now I’m going to make her feel the same as I felt during the times I really wanted to have sex with her. 5 and most importantly she knows we make great money here dude and she doesn’t want to lose that. So now I’m totally involved in the conversation but I’m like this still doesn’t make sense – (note: you have to remember I’m looking at this super nerdy white guy with this swimsuit like model) and that’s when he let the cat out of the bag which he had already did but I didn’t catch because I was in shock. She caught him doing what he does while watching his computer and now she realizes that his computer is replacing her. He said that she’s starting to see that even guys like him are losing interest in beautiful women for fantasies which affect all men (generalizing) whether attractive, fat and out of shape, to nerdy, whether white, black, Asian, Mexican, etc … beautiful women and all women for that matter now have real competition and the competition is winning. After that conversation I was on my back laughing hard which keep up for the rest of the night yet I woke up thinking about it and there is something to this. 1. I read somewhere we 85% of preachers watch porn – can this be true? 2. Is porn actually replacing the real thing? 3. Are the days when begging for sex from your woman over? (joking) but seriously has the porn industry really invaded relationship to a degree where men can be in the same house as their spouse/girlfriend/etc and not want to touch them? 4. How many brothas in the so-called conscious community are actually affected by porn and have an unhealthy addiction to it? 5. Single men who watch porn are they becoming so comfortable with porn that they are not even seeking real body contact with single women? I used to be married and I’ve gone through the days of asking but was greeted with rejection after rejection after rejection which made me want to go get it from somewhere else (and yes all men go through that when being rejected) but I didn’t. They say that if a woman is rejecting the man then he’s not doing something right or there are some emotional issues within the relationship. I personally think this can be true but at the same time I think women use sex as a power over men so what happens when sex can no longer be used as a tool over men? It appears that porn has become the shield against the sexual power women have held over men and I’m seriously blown back by this. I’m not into porn but we’ve all have seen it at some point or another – which begs to question – how is it affecting our people as a whole and why have such a topic been so taboo within our communities knowing that it may be destroying relationships?