Black Relationships : Insight...

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Letitia_onelove, Sep 1, 2005.

  1. Letitia_onelove

    Letitia_onelove Member MEMBER

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    I need a little insight from the men... I am a 31 years old, I live in NC and I am an Educator. Over the last couple of months, I have decided to "wait" longer to have sex with a man, whether I am just attracted to him as he is me or not. It is not going over well, and while I find that men dont seem to have a problem spending time with me, they do often lose interest once they realize we are not having sex. Some of them continue to call, others do not. In an attempt to get answers from a man I have been dating for abt a month now-(b/c he's at the point where he's not understanding WHY we have not had sex yet?) He goes on abt how he's not used to spending this much time w/out having had sex and that it's hard b/c we have slept in the bed together... So, yesterday he told me that he needs a defined line as to what is going to happen between us...so he can know if we are gonna just hang out and be cool or if we are gonna have sex and MAYBE grow into something more (he meant he wanted to go into my broom right then too- @5:55pm yesterday) I tell him he's not ready and that it will be a while before we go that route, so he call's me at 9 to say that he's not coming over and that it has nothing to do with our earlier conversation... How do I react to this behavior- especially when I am interested and attracted to him. [/COLOR]
     
  2. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    When a man truly loves you, he doesn't think about sex as much...and he sure won't pressure you for it no matter how long you want to wait after meeting him to have sex. A man will feel this way because he's into you...not just because he finds you attractive and wants to have sex with you. He enjoys just being with you...so sex is not the first thing on his mind.

    Find a man who enjoys you and treasures you for more than sex. I'm not saying that this guy sees you that way...but he dang sure acts like he does.

    By the way, don't buy that line about him not coming over and it's not because of the earlier conversation. IT HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE EARLIER CONVERSATION...unless he told you the reason why he couldn't come over. I would have told you why I couldn't come over to remove all doubt of me not coming over because of the earlier conversation.

    If you were with a man who behaved in this manner...a man who just enjoyed his time with you, I wouldn't be responding to this post right now. :wink: :D
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    you said you wanted to "wait" longer but you gave no reason why.
    if you told me that on the phone i would drop you like a hot potato.

    you sound as though you don't know what you are doing.

    if you do have a good reason it should be right up front.
    if you are an educator i hope you can articulate better than what you have.

    just like it don't make sense to have sex just to have it, it don't make sense to not have it just to not have it.
    if you had a stated program i think you would have better luck.
     
  4. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with james. It's sort of confusing, especially when you're dating men/ women that are not on the same sexual program as you're on. I wouldn't waste time with it either. YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE SLEEPING IN THE BED WITH A MAN. Unless he's saving himself, and that doesn't seem to be the case in this scenerio. Me, I don't date virgins or women that are saving themselves for marriage. Why, because I'm not on that program. You need to make sure you date men that don't want to have sex with you until marriage. Anything else is playing games.
     
  5. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I guess it boils down to whether Letitia_onelove wants a relationship based on sincere commitment or rules.

    I don't think either of them are being completely honest in this relationship. Both people can be seen as playing games if they're not completely upfront about everything. But, to each their own.

    I can't tell folks when to have sex. Hell, I may have sex quicker with one woman than I will another. It's all about being comfortable.

    Sometimes, people give the impression that sex is just a way to releave an urge. If that's the case, go and get a prostitute or a gigolo. But, when we decide who should be in our lives, more weight should be given to other factors used to select a mate and not their desire or will to give us sex on demand.
     
  6. Deepvoice

    Deepvoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That is pretty admirable Letitia, it's nice to hear a woman say something like that. When I finally meet the girl I want to be with I want her to have strong values just like that.
     
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