Black Poetry : inside my head

Randee

Well-Known Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Jul 31, 2003
607
41
Albany, NY
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can't write, can't write, can't write
the feelings are too fresh
and everything in the past
seems trivial compared to now
can't write, can't write, can't write
and so instead these f*cked up thoughts
float around inside my head
threatening to disconnect major wires
can't write, can't write, can't write
i still don't know how I feel
as I lie awake at night
rubbing my empty stomach
crying into my pillow alone
can't write, can't write, can't write
wondering who it is I am even mourning
i have lost so much and
gained so little from each experience
i hate not taking something with me
but I hate making nothing something
can't write, can't write, can't write
refuse to propagate drama
when there is enough going on in my life
to consider adding more to the spice
i wish i knew what i was crying for
can't write, can't write, can't write
i am so frustrated at myself
for being in this place, for being unable to write
for not understanding and feeling disgraced
for being left alone, cold, empty
for being stupid, young, dumb
for wanting this baby
for dreaming about my old life
and how none of this would be going on
if i let him take me down whenever he felt he needed to
for not leaving him sooner and becoming a mother to his own child
for allowing him to manipulate me still with her
for not being a b*tch who can walk out on my prefrabricated family
like so many men walk out and start over
she is not mine and they remind me every day
and I know but for five years I was hers and she was my responsibility
never did i ask for anything
and look at what I have been given
i took a chance and let him in and now
i have nothing
an empty space next to me in bed
and an empty womb
just wrote, just wrote, just wrote
 

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