"So all of this time he's been lying to me? He would get up and go grind on the block when I thought he was working with you... I can't beleive this ****..." I began to cry. "Kenyell, girl... He loves you. Yeah he lied, but he loves you. That's why he did it." Mike didn't understand where I was coming from. CuShado should have told me that he didn't get the job. I would have been upset, but I could also understand. If he would have just kept looking... "So what does it look like? What do I do from here?" I asked. "Well... everything is in slow motion right now. I'm not really sure, but I'll let you know as soon as I find out more. I hope you understand that he can't tell you too much right now," Mike stood up. "Yeah, I understand. Thanks Mike." "No problem Kenyell. I'm going to call you tommorow. If you need anything, you have the number. Keep ya head up girl," he hugged me and went out the front door. I didn't get up to walk him out. I was frozen. Shocked. Stuck. After speaking with Mike, even more questions started to cloud my head. In fact, I was angry with him because I knew that there was more that he wasn't telling me. I must have sat in my bed and thought for a few more hours. I bumped one of our slow jam CD's, put on one of his t-shirts and cried. I shut down completly. I stopped thinking about the whole thing and just let the music absorb into my soul. Eventually, I took out my journal and wrote... If you gave me your shoes… if you gave me your shoes I don’t think that I could walk in them for a day but I understand your blues the many debts to society that you continue to pay for committing a crime like many others in the hood and although you already did the time your job applications are no good because if you check “yes” they just throw it in the trash and if you lie and check “no” then your job won’t last ‘cause as soon as they find out they’ll just let you go… but if it would make you feel a little bit better just to know that your love is surreal and with that seed we can grow… in my eyes you are a strong black man attempting to overcome the system doing the best that you can I know that the road is rough the journey is long but just remember to hold your head above the water let our love lead you on… -kenyell- [email protected] writing that was a revelation. It seems like when I closed my journal, I shut down all the negativity that was in my heart. Like Mike said, "keep ya head up." CuShado needed me at that point, more than ever. I couldn't give up on him because in my eyes, he didn't do anything wrong. At that point, I couldn't wait to hear from him. I wanted to let him know that I was sorry for the night before and that no matter what I was going to hold it down... I just realized that I had to be there for him. I had to be his Queen right by his side because he was my King. The strongest man that I knew and I couldn't walk a yard in his shoes... a mile? Impossible!