Black Short Stories : In His Shoes Part 1... (my first short story)

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by MissPoetik, Jan 10, 2003.

  1. MissPoetik

    MissPoetik Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I sat on my bed in a t-shirt and panties. Sweet smelling candles lit up the room as inscents filled it with intoxicating fragrances. I looked around and took a long deep breath. I was so happy to finally be on my own. Well... not exactly, my boyfriend and I had rented this place together. We met while I was halfway through business college and one year later we were still continuing on this journey together.

    I had to sort through about twenty boxes to finally recover my journal. It was a ritual for me to write in it religiously but, only for the past year. When I was in school and rediscovered my love for writing, I thought that it would be a great idea to keep a journal. So, I wrote everyday. Even when there wasn't much going on in my life I still found a reason to write...

    Dear Journal,
    I know that I've been in this new city for a week already, but I'm still excited. I have been waiting for this day forever... or at least it seems like it. I'm just happy to know that I've accomplished something. Graduating was cool but... this is even better. I have something that I can actually call my own. Everything has been going well so far. CuShado is off job hunting again today and I have a day off of work so I decided to stay home and unpack.

    In my attempts to be 100% real with myself, I can't neglect to mention the haters... [email protected].. people that I thought were my friends really let me down. Like my girl April for instance. When I was living back in Sacramento she dissed me for some ***** who treated her like ****. But now that I've moved to Vallejo she says that I'm dropping our friendship... What kind of **** is that? Who let her come over at 2 in the morning when he beat her @ss? Me, of course. I tried to be there for my girl but I can only do so much. That's part of the reason that I wanted to leave Sac. I'm not Captain Save-A-Sista for God's sake. I understand the meaning of true friendship but am I wrong for moving on? growing up? making a fresh start?

    -Kenyell-

    Just as I closed my journal, I heard CuShado come through the front door. As he stepped into the bedroom I immediately noticed that he had a long day. His shirt was untucked and his tie hung loose around his neck. He slumped down on the bed and began to take off his shoes.

    "Hey baby. How was your interview?" I asked, helping him unbutton his shirt.

    "Not good. But I don't want to talk about it. How was your day?" CuShado responded with a gentle kiss on my lips.

    "Fine..." I said in frustration. Don't get it twisted... I wasn't upset becuase the interview went bad, I was more upset with the fact that he didn't want to talk to me about it. Like my "day off" was more important or something. I guess that I really couldn't feel how stressful his day was but I could [email protected] sure understand. I had seen it happen so many times back in the hood. All it takes is one trip up the river and then the system fails you for the rest of your life.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    this story came alive and had so much depth , truth
    and reality ........well no ya not wrong for moving on
    life has more in stor for u then being a life saver
    of a lolly pop to be licked ....

    I really loved it ......pt.2 please !
     
  3. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    gr8 start, but i find myself wishing 4 more.

    can i make a suggestion w/o meaning 2 offend u? (please don t b offended) :)

    i think this is a gr8 beginning 2 a story, but not quite a story....yet. i understand its ur 1st try & i applaud u 4 ur efforts. don t get me wrong, its good (imho), but a story, even a short 1 has a begginning, middle, and end, or climax. mayb this is jus ur style, & f it is, please ignore this.

    now, after all that, would u please consider writting part II?

    really nice characters :toast:

    thanks
     
  4. MissPoetik

    MissPoetik Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    there's more...

    hold up doctor parker... that was just the first part. there are two more to come...
     
  5. Bishop

    Bishop Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This was an awesome read...going to read part 2.
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    yes more more more !!!!
     
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