Black People : I'm sorry but it has to be said

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by legit-writer, Oct 18, 2011.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Messages:
    1,538
    Likes Received:
    1,175
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,189
    If after so many years of being a person's friend, being there to listen to them gripe and complain about the problems they are facing in their lives, they still treat you like you're a nobody, express no gratitude whatsoever for listening to them complain like a ungrateful brat and don't really care to see you happy, let alone are interested in what's going on with you, it's time that you stop caring, and start ignoring them, the next time they decide to hit you up, because it's obvious you are a convenience to them and they only hit you up if they have nothing better to do or bored and have a negative attitude, and never in a good mood when you do talk to them. I mean what's the point in them hitting you up if they have such a negative vibe about them? You don't want that rubbing off on you. Let them be, and maybe they will realize how crappy of a friend they were and grow up, and stop being so self absorbed, and start stepping outside of their bubble and show concern for you, and then again maybe not and if not, that's their loss! That's Real Talk, people!
     
  2. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2006
    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    341
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Myrtle Beach, SC
    Ratings:
    +356
    It's the truth. Not to be anal, but we all have our own problems. Hearing someone else's problems all the time will only add problems on top of our problems. And if the only time a person wants to contact me is when they need to complain, that's not a friend. Proverbs 17:17 says it plainly, "A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity." I don't mind praying with a friend when he calls me to ask me to pray about his financial situation, but I don't need a person to tell me how hopeless they believe their financial situation is and won't allow me to pray with them or help them with their budget. Complaints do not bring solutions. When I call my friends or my brothers in faith, I try my best not to complain. I might ask for advice or for a prayer, but I know that if I do nothing but complain, they will do the intelligent and right thing - cut me off.

    I know to some of you, that will seem cold and unfriendly, but I'll leave you with this:

    Giving an alcoholic a drink does not help him. If you want to help him, smash his bottle. Then pray that others who see him will smash any future bottles of liquor that he purchases in front of him. He may not like you, but you have shown him what he needs to do. When your prayer is answered and he is rid of his drinking problem, he will understand, then love you for what you did for him.
     
  3. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Messages:
    1,538
    Likes Received:
    1,175
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,189
    i mean if they are not going to do something about what they are complaining about then really i don't think they have a right to complain. and it really bothers me that every time this particular person I'm talking about hits me up, they are never in a good mood. I have done what I could to cheer them up (my nature) and they still have a negative and ungrateful attitude. here's an example:
    Them: hey
    Me: hey how are you?
    Them: Would be doing better if I had a job. I have a job interview tomorrow
    Me: Oh really? I wish you luck. I am sure you will get it!
    Them: But {insert petty complaint here} so I don't know if I will take that job or not
    Me: It's better than nothing
    Them: Yeah

    ***a few weeks later after they done already got hired and everything***

    Them: hey. I got the job!
    Me: congrats!!!
    Them: yeah but I don't like it because {insert petty complaints here}
    Me: Why don't you talk to the supervisor or find another job?
    Them: {making excuses of why they can't talk to the supervisor or find another job}

    I hope you get my drift... stuff like that really ticks me off, im sorry.
     
  4. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2004
    Messages:
    10,724
    Likes Received:
    6,428
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    A+ technician
    Location:
    The rotten Apple
    Ratings:
    +6,486
    peace

    I know some people like that and i usually interrupt them right when they start to go in and say "i've been in a good mood all day, so maybe i'll talk to you later". Trust me, they will think twice before calling you while they're in a bad mood again.

    People like this are too self-absorbed to care about anyone else. These people actually love being in bad moods and do their best to create those moods, if they don't readily offer themselves. It is that energy that drives them. 'the disagreables', if you will! They feed off of negative vibes and thee most powerful blast of energy comes from the positive people they know if they can get them to listen and feed into all of their complaining and negativity...

    - see what i mean!
     
  5. Chevron Dove

    Chevron Dove Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    May 7, 2009
    Messages:
    6,080
    Likes Received:
    2,582
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +2,730
    I heard this talk show once and this reminds of what the therapist called, 'a toxic friendship'. And I think that those kind of people that don't know the value of giving and sharing, and are users. I wonder sometimes too, if they really know they are like that or if it is because they've been treated badly and are repeating the behavior. Anyway, that therapist said to get away from people like that because they actually use you as a crutch to support their egos.
     
  6. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Messages:
    1,538
    Likes Received:
    1,175
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,189
    this particular person is very bitter. he claims to have been hurt so much in his life, owing child support, and it's always woe is me and i've just finally come to terms that enough is enough for real. you can only play victim for so long.
     
  7. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2006
    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    341
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Myrtle Beach, SC
    Ratings:
    +356
    Stuff like that is born out of habit, not out of a desire to have bad days. And the desire to share with someone is not out of a conscious desire to find someone to share their bad mood. Pity parties are not born out of the desire to ruin someone's day. They are born by people who are unconsciously too stuck in their ways to learn a more positive way. They are never completely aware of their situation or how to change it, and they get used to a "that's just the way things are" attitude. If they stay in that level of thinking for too long, they get bitter.

    The trick to understanding why they are doing this to you is to forgive them but love them from a distance while planting thought-seeds in their minds, because they are not aware that they have the power to change their situations.

    People never complain about anything they cannot do anything about. They only complain about things they can change, but don't know how to. Has anyone ever called you and complained about gravity? It's always the job, their money, certain friends, their kids, the lack of fun in their lives - all things that they can do something about. The problem is that they settle for a false picture of the way things are for them.

    I used to be that type of person until I became aware that I didn't have to live life that way. I learned this around the time my wife and I physically separated just over a year ago.. It took a lot of prayer, reading (not just the bible), listening to things specifically related to my life, and paying attention to my life that took me out of that. But I had to transition to the place where I was seeking the answers to my dilemma's for myself.

    I'm telling you this because you will have tolove your friend strongly enough to leave him/her alone for a while and to forgive him/her while they call you all kinds of names while you let them find the answers on their own. If they need encouragement from you, give it, but don't give an ear to their complaints any longer. Every human being has something in them that loves attention, and because your friend is stuck in his/her own thinking, the only way they can get attention is to give you their negative life story. It may not even be something they are doing intentionally or consciously. It may be all they really know how to do.

    After you do all that, pray for them, that they find their way if they are willing to accept guidance. I happen to be christian, so forgive me if I'm pushing biblical points here, but the bible says something to the tune of "ask, and it shall be given. knock, and it shall be opened to you." The point of those scriptures, or atleast I believe, is that you can get an answer from God if you really want it. Getting the answer isreally not up to God, but up to you. Your willingnes to give obedience to God's instruction past the point where you feel pain is what gets you the result. Your friend has to learn that on their own.

    I wasn't in too good a position when my wife and I separated, but my position is much better now. I manage my home and my finances better. My faith is becoming much stronger. I am reading far more books that are taking me along my path. My son is watching me more closely and following in my examples, even to the point of asking questions. My friends are more loyal. I understand the Bible more and pray more. I do better with my sound production skills. I write better and more. So many positive things happen when you get out of the realm of thinking where you settle in to a bad life, thinking nothing else is out there for you. My pastor prayed for me, and when God got my attention, I responded. He's showing me more and more.

    Nexttime your friend has a complaint, stop him/her and ask can you pray with them. If they are serious, you'll pray together and that will stop the complaining. If they are not serious, they will probably hang up after giving you a few slightly unpleasant words, but the complaining will stop that way, too. You are not a dumping ground for complaints. I had to learn that too. You allow others to dump their complaints on you, you will start complaining worse than they do. take it from someone who knows (all too daggone well).
     
  8. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2006
    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    341
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Myrtle Beach, SC
    Ratings:
    +356
    True. He needs to take responsibility for his role in his life. The common denominator in each one of his problems is HIM (as my pastor said years ago). Problems will keep plaguing you until (1) you take 100% responsibility for your life experiences, and (2) make the choice to take action to change your life on a day by day basis.

    Example:

    If you're broke, chances are more likely that you made unwise decisions with money over the course of your life than you being the victim of bad money circumstances. If you're in debt, it's because you borrowed money. If a person ran off with a car, but you're paying the bill, its because you were ignorant enough to cosign. If you can't pay your bills until your next paycheck and don't have the money to keep your lights from being cut off, it's because you don't make paying bills your priority after tithing/giving and saving money for emergencies. If you're not as wealthy as you want to be, it's because you're not saving money systematically so you can make smart investments to become wealthy. If you play the lottery a lot, but you always feel broke and hopeless rather than feeling close to being rich, it's because you have a fruitless gambling habit.

    I hate to say it like this, but, in almost every instance, YOU are the cause of nearly all of your own problems. I'm not saying that to condemn you. I want you to know that if you had a hand in all of your problems, you can have a hand in causing your solutions to work for you.

    And it's not just about what you have done, but what you believe. If you foolishly believe that money, not greed, is the root of all evil, when the bible says that the love of money/greed - not money - is the root of all evil (1st Timothy 6:10 by the way), then nothing you do with money will prosper, no matter how much you pray, because you're praying with a counterfeit conviction stuck in your heart, believing it more than God.

    I've learned that the bible talks about every single money issue, but I would never have known that had I not listened when the truth was given to me and if I had not taken my hunger for the truth further. Once I grasped that, things I wanted started happening. My finances are stabilizing. My bills arebeing paid. My food and other supplies are not lacking. I've nothing to fear in a recession environment. Did I sell out? Heck no (No, I don't cuss anymore)!! God revealed himself to me as a provider, and I've believed him since he revealed it to me. His Word shows me what to do, and I follow the instructions. And it works. But again, if I remained stuck in that old mindset and continued to complain, nothing better would have happened in my life. It took me taking the action of seeking God and his instruction out.

    I'm not bragging or anything, but that's a taste of what being responsible for your role in your life can do for you, especially if you're a person of real faith - REAL faith!
     
  9. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2006
    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    341
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Myrtle Beach, SC
    Ratings:
    +356
    They DON'T know what they are doing. In fact, they will get so good at using others and lying to themselves about it, they will convince you that they are not using you but helping you almost flawlessly. But that spiritual sickness is not about their ego. When a mind gets used to thinking the same thoughts, it will repeat that thinking until that thinking becomes second nature. The same way a master musician can make up any song on the spot is because he's thought of the way he uses all his fundamental knowledge of music until it has become second nature, and during a jam session, he'll make a classic. A user is the same way when it comes to pseudo-benevolent usury. It no longer becomes loaning fivedollars, it becomes an investment in our friendship or relationship. It's all they know, because they've been doing it for so long that they no longer know that it's wrong. And instead of getting away from them, I'd say stop them in their tracks, because theywill damage someone else until they are exposed enough to stop doing it.
     
Loading...