Black Relationships : i'm on a roll....

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by ladylibra, Jul 14, 2005.

  1. ladylibra

    ladylibra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2005
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    okay girls, i have yet another question...

    i have 2 girlfriends that have new men in their lives. i'm elated for them b/c they both really like/care for their new love interest. what i don't like is the fact that neither one calls me as much as before and i miss them very much.


    why do women stop association with friends/family just b/c they have a new guy in their lives???

    you can bet that men DON'T behave this way when they get a new lady-love. they keep in contact with the guys, have boy's night out, keep their appointments, calls his mom, etc. i think we should follow the guys lead...they got it right in this department.
    btw- i have guy friends and have only experienced 1 friend cutting back on visiting/phoning me b/c he said his girlfriend was very jealous/insecure. however, she asked if she could meet me and i obliged her and explained to her that i've been friends with her man since 7th grade and if anything was going to happen, it would have occurred by now. now we're all fine...i have my friend back and she has her man (eventhough he told me after we met that she accuses him of being attracted to me and he is but i won't tell her that)


    any comments?
     
  2. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2005
    Messages:
    4,762
    Likes Received:
    232
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Ratings:
    +234
    I know I'm not a female, which who you were addressing with this question, but I'd just like to say, that if it's any consolation, Brothers do the same thing. When they get a new lady in their lives, the brother that would come by or call on the regular seems to drop off the earth.

    I just chock it up to the new relationship being their (man and woman's) major focus.

    PEACE
     
  3. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2002
    Messages:
    3,299
    Likes Received:
    182
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Economist
    Location:
    Detroit, MI
    Home Page:
    Ratings:
    +236
    I have a female friend who was mad tight with me. We did a lot of things together. We were just hanging out...no sex. When she started dating particular men, she would lose her ever-loving mind. That was cool. I understand that she had a new man and relationship...and what not. However, when she started breaking her promises and stated that her reason for doing so is because he called and wanted to hang out with her...I was done. She did me like that three times. I've spoken to her since then...but it's not the same. I won't ask her to do me any favors as long as she's with him. I'll let her do her thing. But, I feel the friendship has been damaged beyond repair. I pray that she's happy.
     
  4. ladylibra

    ladylibra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2005
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    this is exactly what i'm talking about...


    i guess i have a higher tolerance though. i do notice that when my girlfriends come up for air, or their b/f's are with his friends, or they're bored, they re-appear. i don't want to "seem" sour but i think i am going to bring it to their attention. friends are very important.

    btw- monetary, once things cool down don't be surprised when she comes back around. they always do.
     
  5. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Messages:
    833
    Likes Received:
    8
    Occupation:
    slacker
    Location:
    boringham, alabama
    Ratings:
    +8
    i can relate

    u bring up some good points sister.

    there is such a variety of behavioral responses to new luv, or new lust, or, sometimes jus a little attention from a hearthrob. i kno the feeling b/c my best friend recently (6 months ago) found religion, & then found the luv of his life, n that order. (the double whammy! :uhoh: ) i'm not sayin he's kicked me 2 the curb or nuthin, but i went from seeing him bout once a week, 2 wk's @ the most, to once every 3 months.

    change is an underlying facet of life, so, when the changes r positive 4 the friend, as they r n this case, i try 2 b happy 4 them & appreciative 4 the length of time i've been closely associated (n this case, a little over 12 years). since this represents a tru watershed type of life change, i doubt we will eva entirely resume the relationship as it once was, but i'm grateful i still hv this person n my life.

    where would we b w/o our friends?

    (i'd probably b doing a lot mor of this: :drink: :drink: :drink: )
     
  6. bigtown

    bigtown Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    836
    Likes Received:
    31
    Ratings:
    +31
    Because you're just a friend the men are more, period.
     
  7. ladylibra

    ladylibra Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2005
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    are you serious?


    what are you talking about?

    friends and lovers serve different purposes in one's life. there are purposes that i serve in my friends life that these men cannot meet and vice versa. thus, no one is MORE important than the other.

    thanks for your remark anyway, i think :huh:
     
  8. Riada

    Riada Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 14, 2005
    Messages:
    1,366
    Likes Received:
    18
    Ratings:
    +18
    I heard a discussion on the radio about this topic and the researcher who had done research on it said that considering the high divorce rate in the U.S., it better to hold on to those "good" friends real tight no matter what because on the average, most good friendships last longer than most marriages.
     
  9. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,578
    Likes Received:
    19
    Ratings:
    +19
    I have experienced this with girlfriends I had in highschool. Not only do they act like you don't exist anymore, but when they do talk to you, the only topic of conversation is what their bf is doing. It's like they want to rub it in your face that they have a man and you don't. I don't think men do this, even if they spend less time with their friends when they first get a new gf.
     
  10. bigtown

    bigtown Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    836
    Likes Received:
    31
    Ratings:
    +31
    All that they used to get from you, they now get from their men . Girl these are grown women we're talking about, right? they don't need a running buddy the way that they used to. I'm also curious as to what you think you can give these women that their men cant give them. Besides, many women tend to be bizzy bodies when it comes to their girls relationships anyway. Some can also be a negative influence especially if they don't have men of their own. You can tell by the female reponses to this topic that there is a strong control factor that exists in female relationships.
    Are you sure you aren't just sour at the fact that you no longer have that control that many women tend to have in their relationships with one another?


    That's my "BIG" opinion.
     
Loading...