Black Relationships : I'm on a challenge to find a husband

truetothecause

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Feb 26, 2007
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In the fantasy of Afreekan Unity
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GO FOR IT

Hotep Ya'll :wave:

My thoughts expressed my way!






I'd like to work on it, it's consuming my life
Wonderful Sister JaylaMaria ... i'm happy that you're willing to work on it with me ... :love:

As i said before, i'll begin to come up with a strategy for us to approach this.

It's gonna take some time, us progressing through this ... remember, it's really generations of oppression, that we must take off ... so prepare to be patient, to take our time, and to trust that we can do this!

First ... i still need the answers to the questions above ... it'll help me a lot.

Second ... and first assignment ... :teach: ... learn to disregard the negative, disruptive energies that attempt to block you from your goal ... the noise ... that you (will) hear. This will come from people that want to tell you, that what you're attempting to do, is not do-able. They will tell you that you are the problem. They will tell you that it's just you, experiencing this, and no one else. They will attempt to sabotage your efforts, make you feel like you're the krazee one. They are not always doing this intentionally, as they too could be suffering from the same thing we're trying to overcome, and they just don't know it. No matter their intent or culpability, you have to learn to not allow what they say, inside of you. This lesson is about protecting you. You can hear it, but not let it in. This is very tricky. Not really easy to do, until you practice and practice and practice. You'll have lots of opportunity to practice, as the world has lots of these kinds of negative images for you to see and hear. When you see them, when you hear them, DO NOT LET THEM INSIDE OF YOU. I remember back in the day, i was taught to say ... "in the name of Jesus" ... or ... "i rebuke you Satan" .. or some such carrying on as that, when ugliness presented itself. I'm just giving you that as an example, but i want you to say or do, whatever you need to say and do ... to rebuke those attempts at diminishing you and your dreams and goals. DO NOT LET THEM IN. You have to learn to protect yourself, in this manner.

They are meant to throw you off track ... and it will be totally up to you ... to keep them from doing that.

Okay ... let me think how we're going to approach this ... you answer my other questions above ... your age, and are you in school (what level) ... practice not letting stuff inside of you, and i'll be getting back with you soon.

Love You Sister!

:heart:

Destee
Thanks for Listening to me share!

M.E.
:hearts2:
 

Destee

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Hotep Ya'll :wave:

My thoughts expressed my way!



Thanks for Listening to me share!

M.E.
:hearts2:
Thank You Sister True !!!! :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:

After i had posted my last response, it came to my mind to solicit you especially, and all Sisters and Brothers that are willing to lend their positive energies and efforts to helping this Sister be happy inside her own self!

Thank You Thank You Thank You Sister !!!! :love:

As always, i loved seeing and hearing you !!! :D

You are so right, there are so many individual factors that play a part in depression. It's rarely just one thing feeding the fire. If we don't eat right, don't rest properly, don't focus our minds on positive things, don't strive for the mountain top, we will get crushed by the weight of the depression ... and all the many levels it touches in our lives!

Eating and Sleeping ... yes yes yes. They need to be healthy and balanced.

While it may appear that we're not really even touching the root of the depression yet ... these are important factors ... gauges that can be used, to determine progress. So it's wise to begin looking at them carefully ... are you eating right, are you sleeping right, and are you trying to do them properly.

No matter the path in which one chooses, to try to resolve their depression ... eating and sleeping are factors.

And Yes Sister True ... one step at a time ... yes yes yes.

I love it ... please continue to share Sister. I certainly don't have all the answers, can't guarantee any results, have no professional credentials to speak of ... but i am a Black Woman, with a Black Daughter ... having lived this same exact experience Sister JaylaMaria is currently in the throws of ... and know beyond a shadow of doubt ... one can come out of it as victorious as possible!

With all of us helping, pulling her along, carrying her if necessary ... she too can make it out of the thickest part of the muck and the mire, they want us all bogged down in!

We can't do it without you Sister JaylaMaria ... you must be a willing participant in your own recovery ... which means you must at least hear us, give us to know you hear us, respond to us, encourage us, to encourage you ... for we are all in this together!

Great Great Great Sister True ... Thank You !!! :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:

:heart:

Destee
 

truetothecause

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Feb 26, 2007
5,435
838
In the fantasy of Afreekan Unity
Occupation
The~rapist
Thank You Sister True !!!! :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:

After i had posted my last response, it came to my mind to solicit you especially, and all Sisters and Brothers that are willing to lend their positive energies and efforts to helping this Sister be happy inside her own self!

Thank You Thank You Thank You Sister !!!! :love:

As always, i loved seeing and hearing you !!! :D

You are so right, there are so many individual factors that play a part in depression. It's rarely just one thing feeding the fire. If we don't eat right, don't rest properly, don't focus our minds on positive things, don't strive for the mountain top, we will get crushed by the weight of the depression ... and all the many levels it touches in our lives!

Eating and Sleeping ... yes yes yes. They need to be healthy and balanced.

While it may appear that we're not really even touching the root of the depression yet ... these are important factors ... gauges that can be used, to determine progress. So it's wise to begin looking at them carefully ... are you eating right, are you sleeping right, and are you trying to do them properly.

No matter the path in which one chooses, to try to resolve their depression ... eating and sleeping are factors.

And Yes Sister True ... one step at a time ... yes yes yes.

I love it ... please continue to share Sister. I certainly don't have all the answers, can't guarantee any results, have no professional credentials to speak of ... but i am a Black Woman, with a Black Daughter ... having lived this same exact experience Sister JaylaMaria is currently in the throws of ... and know beyond a shadow of doubt ... one can come out of it as victorious as possible!

With all of us helping, pulling her along, carrying her if necessary ... she too can make it out of the thickest part of the muck and the mire, they want us all bogged down in!

We can't do it without you Sister JaylaMaria ... you must be a willing participant in your own recovery ... which means you must at least hear us, give us to know you hear us, respond to us, encourage us, to encourage you ... for we are all in this together!

Great Great Great Sister True ... Thank You !!! :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:

:heart:

Destee
aw shucks....:qqb018:

Mama SiStaR Destee...
Your Welcomed :couple: and please KNOW ...

the FEEDBACK inspires me...provides validation.....a boost to the ego....all around GOOD FEELING......so..THANK YOU :kiss2:

RE~covery DOES teach us to use the group as our "higher power" until we are ready and able to walk in our own Strength. Until such time, just keep coming back and TALK ABOUT IT...."It works IF you work it". Others can help by sharing THEIR E.S.P. and NOT "telling" her what she SHOULD do or what she is doing WRONG...etc....

SiS JaylaMarie111, Allow us to carry you. Close your eyes and shut your mind down from OTHER PEOPLE'S ****...Allow your third eye to open...the one that looks INSIDE of you...Search your **** and determine which is good as in the sheeeet! ...or bad as in....this some major bull pokey!

RE~covery also teaches us...We don't have to do anything ALONE.....


M.E.
:hearts2:
 

JaylaMaria111

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Mar 25, 2008
108
3
Sister JaylaMaria ... okay ... you're 24 ... thanks for that.

You're also in school ... do you mind telling me what you're majoring in?

Tell me a little about school ... how are your grades, when is the planned graduation date, what do you plan on doing with your degree, do you work too (in addition to school) ... share some of that with me please.

I'm wanting to focus on the more positive stuff ... you've almost gotta find the positive stuff in your life, and focus in on it, when lots of things around you seem negative.

If you're 24, in school, i'm thinking you've been a student, uninterrupted for the most part, all of your life ... is this right? Are you currently working on a Bachelor's, Master's, or Ph.D.? To be working toward any one of these, is hard work, demonstrating great diligence and determination.

I'm just wondering, which one it is.

Talk to me Sister.

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
sorry it took me awhile to respond been so busy. I don't want to give away too much information but I am in my last year of college. I should have graduated a bit earlier, but my mother and father were against college and thought it was a waste of time so I would only take 2 classes a semester (only in the fall/winter)and it took me longer than had I gone full time. I would sneak in more classes even though they would get angry about it. I work and go to school while I live at home.

I try to get positive about my future, but there are times where I get so depressed that I don't want to do much of anything at all. I'm surprised I made it this far actually.
 

JaylaMaria111

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
Mar 25, 2008
108
3
Have you ever applied for a job at those Urban stores? If not, I don't think you can really speak on the truth about who those stores hire.



Astrologer4U

No, I never applied. I wouldn't want to work in that kind of atmosphere. I had spoken to someone who knows the manager that works there and they told me it's true, the store in particular only hires lightskin Dominican girls, because the manager is lightskin and Dominican and she wants people who look like her working there. You never see any dark or brown black girls in a lot of those urban stores.
 

Lloyd

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
May 29, 2004
414
3
I'm going to be 24 and lately I have been reuniting with old friends from high school and I discovered that just about all of them are either married or in serious relationship that will result in marriage.

I have yet to find the love of my life, and I have never been in love before. To making things worse, I am currently single. I feel as though I am a late bloomer, and defintely behind as a adult. To never been in love at almost 24 is unusual, and something that I am very insecure about. I often don't even think about love or like to watch movies discussing it too much..it triggers self doubt and depression for me.

So I am on a quest to find a husband. I thought about just dating every guy that approaches me and see if it leads anywhere. I do not want to be that *friend* or *aunt* that never got married or never has a man. I also don't want to grow old alone.
I think you shouldn't be afraid!Things won't come easily,it's true,but i'm a great defender of love.I know it exists and it's like the mercies of God;no one "deserve" it but it's available for all if we are open a little bit.You know i'm going to be 24 on March,i will be a software engineer in the months to come and i'm already working.With all of that,someone may think that i'm too "rational" but it's not the case.I'm a dreamer...and i think i can say that love is the sweetest thing that exists on this earth since i've tasted it.
My best relationship occured some years ago when i started working.I didn't planned anything,i wasn't expecting that girl to be the woman i would love so much that we've been fiancées.She wasn't my "type" of girl and at that time i was focused on money since i was not living with my parents and things were really harsh.
So all i can say is "be receptive"!It's not good for your reputation to date every men because you'll look desperated (maybe you are but you shouldn't,there is someone that will treat you right and maybe he is already in your life).For the moment,school is what matters the most cuz love won't feed you,huh?:10900:
 

Lloyd

Well-Known Member
MEMBER
May 29, 2004
414
3
JaylaMaria111

By the way,there are so many mamas available here!They provide good advices!Be opened and i'm sure you will receive something good from their own experiences.
Here is the family,your family!
 

Astrologer4U

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Oct 18, 2008
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California
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Self Employed
No, I never applied. I wouldn't want to work in that kind of atmosphere. I had spoken to someone who knows the manager that works there and they told me it's true, the store in particular only hires lightskin Dominican girls, because the manager is lightskin and Dominican and she wants people who look like her working there. You never see any dark or brown black girls in a lot of those urban stores.

So far, all that you have stated is hearsay Jayla. Again little Sis, you never applied for a job there so you really don't know the truth. You need to seek out information on your own so that you don't get caught up in believing in hearsay. It's already bad enough that you think important people think Dark skin and African features are ugly which is all hearsay and speculation based on ignorance. Any way, how beautiful do you think my nose is? You haven't said anything about it. I posted my nose in the avatar for you. Let me know what you think about my nose so I can change the avatar back to my roaming eye. :look:




Astrologer4U
 

AntBee

New Member
MEMBER
Feb 9, 2009
2
0
At 24 years old your focus should be on educating yourself and truly finding out who you are before trying to hook up with a mate.

It is apparent from your post that you are not ready to marry anyone.

You mentioned being depressed several times and that is a big indicater that there are issues/problems you need to resolve.

You have years to find a mate. Find yourself, first.

Good luck.
 

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