Black Relationships : Illegitimate and Out of Wedlock Births On the RISE!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by highergond 01, Feb 25, 2005.

  1. highergond 01

    highergond 01 New Member MEMBER

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    I would like to know why so many black women keep getting pregnant by men who have no intentions on marrying them! I know having a child is something that two people engage in, but we all know that a child doesn't keep a man. I'm not saying that it's all the womans fault, but being the strong black women we claim to be, why are so many engaging in bad and unstable situations and stupid behaviour. Women can try to prevent pregnancy even if they are dealing with men that don't care or have a clue. We all know condoms aren't the only method of birth control even though they should be used for STD's!!!! However, they don't!! I know too many women who are dealing with men who are either cheating,unstable financially, immature, in the game, or all of the above and have No intentions of marrying these women, and guess what?! They wind up engaging in unprotected sex with no type of contraceptive, and wind up pregnant!!! I just don't understand this situation. We can't blame this high percentage on teenagers because the pregnancy rate has dropped for them!! The idiotic behaviour is done by women who are in their 20's. Is it that they think that a baby keeps a man, because the notion of the shot gun wedding is gone???!!!! You can barely keep two people together who are married with a child let alone wihout the institution of marriage. In fact, the majority of the baby mama's men move on to other "childless" women and are still doing their own thing while the baby mama is stuck with the child. Go figure!! Can black women please start getting themselves together, educate their minds and souls, and maybe the rest will fall in place. Sisters, you don't have to trap a man if you really have him!
     
  2. Kingpin

    Kingpin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I feel this is a problem in all races in the US.

    If we want our children to grow healthy and stable than we need to set an example and "take care" of our own. This means taking responsibility for our children and giving them a stable home with a Mother AND a Father at all times. This is only my opinion!!!
     
  3. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sister Highergond 01:

    This is a powerful message, especially coming from a sister! I am a brother who feels that the breakdown of the black family (as a result of single parent homes & child abandonment) is the primary problem in our community. I have made many of the same observations which you have presented in this thread. However I have often been accused of either being sexist, or supporting male irresponsibility for expressing them. It is apparent that some messages will not be accepted if they come from members of the opposite gender. Although black females & black males compose the same community (and generally face the same issues). Some messages about black women are best presented/solved by black women. Similarly some messages affecting black men are best presented/solved by black men. Ultimately though the well being of our community depends on us being able to connect & cooperate with each other. Thank you for taking on this important issue...hopefully the sisters of Destee will give their opinions.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    This a very deep topic that effects our community many start out so young
    which now they are bare with child it start from the youth of our young women
    who feel or think they are in love and open up to the guy some have bare child
    from what is known as peer pressure which leave them pregnant and alone

    I agree the older women need to set an example for our younger sistas
    this truely on the rise over 10 birth a day that has no family ties
    every child need a family a mother & father in there life , I'm no sista but
    i understand the values and the rising depth of this painful structure of life
    in the many communities, but the question is how do we curve this rise
    and set a standard for a better family bonding for the children born today??
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    then Jamal why get these women pregnant and help creating broken homes
    for the children , did you know that offering a few bucks don't make u a father
    or dad but a man running from responsibilty........these are some of the number
    one down falls in the community today , can you express why you do such as
    a man to women when you have no plan to get married or even play a major role
    in the child life just send money ??? can you answer that ??
     
  6. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You are all over the place, but I will address you here!

    JamalWashington:

    Do you talk like this in real life? I sincerely hope not. You come across like a white man imitating how he "thinks" black people speak! For now I'll give you the benefit of the doubt & assume you are just young, with a lot to learn. Either way you appear to be the type of brother that Highergond 01 is warning the sisters about. If you don't respect women enough to be with them, then don't have children with them! Although I know it isn't possible, I wish that any woman who will become involved with you in the future could see this post.
     
  7. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    I believe it's a combination of low self-esteem and a desire to meet physical as well as emotional needs. For some women, having a man on their arm is a self-esteem booster. It doesn't matter if he isn't any good for her.

    Also, if you feel that there's not much of a selection for you, men approaching you left and right, then it is tempting to fall into the 'I'll take the first one that comes along' trap.
     
  8. Sun Ship

    Sun Ship Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    We need to examine this situation at its core...

    Brother Panafrica, I know your intention of trying to expose this agent provocateur JamalWashington was a noble attempt. But, brother I’m probably 99.9% sure this person is a white (or some other non-African) racist. His attempt to cloak his “horn and tail” was feeble and his twisted use of certain phonetics and dialect is ridiculous. To use him as an example of the “…type of brother that Highergond 01 is warning the sisters about” is unwittingly giving aid and comfort to what most white racist think. They think absolutely all situations of absent fathers in the Black community is based on Black women having children by moronic, buffoonish Black men with low IQ’s, while white single women with children have more reasonable explanations and their children absent fathers are viewed as the average white male, obviously being affected by the economy and other societal pressures. When their relationships dissolve, be it divorce or other arrangements, the destructive causalities are referred to as “irreconcilable differences”.

    Every group of people has irresponsible men and women among them. And even intelligent people can make bad decisions and have moments of poor judgment. I don’t think African American women or men or any more ignorant, immoral or sexually active than any other group. Girls Gone Wild and the well-known Spring break fest (florida) show there is more sexual activity, debauchery and perversion going on among whites, at college campuses, frat houses and vacation spots, than all of the “Ghettos” put together. We haven’t even started talking about the dysfunctional lifestyles of the most invisible people in the world…POOR WHITES!

    highergond 01
    The use of the term illegitimate to describe black children born out of wedlock is a little draconian and has no “legitimacy” and should have no place in the lexicon of progressive and spiritually rational African Americans. There is no such thing as an illegitimate child!

    Since the high numbers of out of wedlock births among African American women are across the socio-economic board, I think this is a very complex problem and not just about some illiterate fool impregnating some “too-hot-to-trot” ignorant young woman. And I’m not disregarding the unfortunately higher numbers of pregnancies that may plague the less educated and socio-economically deprived of our community. I don’t think just attacking Black women or men that find themselves in this position (children without wedlock) is properly analyzing the core of the problem and bringing solutions to the table.

    Peace and Love,

    Brother Sun Ship :cool:
     
  9. sunny01

    sunny01 Active Member MEMBER

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    Great Use of Grammar Sun Ship

    I think that you did expose some very bad behaviour in the white race that can be exhibited as trashy, but that wasn't the topic at hand! We all know that kids will be kids, and that alot of college students have the abilitiy to engage in irresposible behaviour in all races. If you're going to talk about Girls Gone Wild, then please be fair and look at the past Freak Nic's that took place in Atlanta years ago. I'm not even going into the degradation the black women went through back then. The subject at hand from what I read was that two willing people regardless of socio-econonic class becoming pregnant. The whole point I believe highergrond01 was trying to relay that in most instances these pregnancies are "illegitimate" due to the fact that the father rarely takes responsibility except for sending money occassionally and doesn't involve himself like a father would who took the time to create and plan a child. Yes, we know the child has a father, but where is he?! No, he's not "illegitimate" in a sense that two people created him, but once again there's more to being a father than insemination!!!! I also believe that you can't blame total responsibity of contraceptive protection on the woman, but lets face it she is the one that carries the child for 9 months not the man, so she should protect herself better, and prevent a situation with a man that hasn't sat down and said, "I want a baby." No there not Illiterate, but they sure do exhibit behaviours not too far from illiteracy. Like my mother said, "people show you who they are." If a man doesn't respect you or love you you should wait before becoming knocked up, and bringing a baby into the picture. Also to address Sun Ship, it's not just African-Americans, but they do have the highest percentage of baby daddys and baby mammas compared to other races. It's everywhere even in songs. If you can't take the situation and the stigma do something about it. For now, the majority of black women look like idiots and their still going to be just a baby mama waiting for a fantasy of marriage that probably won't come
     
  10. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I know that brother Sun Ship...there is such a thing as "smoking" someone out! This person has already been banned, and I was the one who sent the "alarm" out!
     
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