Black Parenting : If Your Child Told You They Were Gay/Lesbian ... Would you disown them?

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by Destee, Nov 11, 2001.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Years ago, my son (about 13 years old) and I were watching Phil Donahue. He was performing gay marriages that day and it was the first time I saw 2 black men kiss!!! :eeek: I was in one room and my son in the other, I insisted that he watch. Afterwards, we discussed it, talking about all the possible things that could come up in such a discussion. My main point was to assure him that there was nothing we could not talk about together, even though he was begging to end the conversation and carrying on as though he was getting sick at even thinking of such things.

    Anyway ... I'm wondering ... would you disown your child if they told you they were gay/lesbian?

    Is there anything that your child could do, that would make you disown them, and if so what?
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Destee

    I truely don't agree wit it but if he's gay then
    there's nothingi can do about it but no!
    i love my sons no matterwhat they become
    and when they r wrong i'll step in and say so
    yet it's there life i just don't care to be round that

    me and my boyz chat every friday night about
    life's dealings my 9 yr old can ask some of the
    most crazy thangs and he look 4 me to answer

    but the fact is i can love my children no matter what
    i can only teach whats right it's up to them to obey
    truely my older son hate the fact of even talking about
    it....but i alwayz tell him its something that goes on in
    life today ...
     
  3. Kitana

    Kitana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Destee

    the answer to this would have to be a solid NO...
    I would never disown a child of mine because they were gay or lesbian...

    while I may not exactly condone the lifestyle they choose, I would
    not be able to disown them for their choice...for to do that would mean no contact, no inclusion in their life at all...and that would break my heart....

    it is my belief, that, as a mother who has carried this child in her body for nine months and pushed them into the world and gave them life, I know I could never fully cut the ties that bind us together....for to do that I would be disowning a part of myself...

    in answer to the second question...thats a tough call...
    maybe if you had a child who was to commit a crime or to do something so horrendous it was unforgivable (eg.Jeffrey Dahmer...a member of the KKK....a serial rapist/killer) then maybe in that circumstance, I might not be able to understand my child, be able to forgive him/her, or have contact with them...but there would be a part of me that would always be tied to them and want to know how they were...because I think you would always remember the good times before the bad, the times when you held them in your arms, dried their tears, watched them take the first step, heard them laugh etc....so again, I think my answer would be NO....


    K
     
  4. epiphany

    epiphany Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Destee....

    My answer to both questions would be NO....
    As a mother, I will love my sons always.
    I wouldn't condone, whatever behavior
    I didn't agree with. But it definitely would not
    affect my love for them.

    Epiphany :heart:
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Thanks $$RICH$$, Kitana, Epiphany and Kemetstry

    The votes are in and the NO's win overwhelmingly!! :court:
    (of course you can still share your opinion).

    It seems I'm hearing more and more stories of parents growing impatient with their children and the choices they make in their lives. So much so, that they are "washing their hands of them."

    Glad to see that most would try to go the distance with their own "babies."
     
  6. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Destee,

    First I want to say, I most definitely would not be happy to discover my child was gay or lesbian. I would make them aware of my disapproval in their lifestyle and request they not display it in my presence. However my natural nurturing side would not and could never allow me to disown them. I've never understood parents who do that.

    I have a friend who parents disowned her, not because of this situation. They disowned her because of her involvement with a black man. They cut her off TOTALLY! Stop paying her college tuition/dorm fees.. EVERYTHING! Abandoned her in a city where she had no family nor friends. She had just turned 18 yrs old. She really struggled putting herself through 4 yrs of college (she made it :love: ) I'm happy to say years after she married a black man and had children, her mother and two sisters accepted her choice and enbraced her and the children.

    My opinion on parents who do disown their children.... do so, because they believe it's a reflection on their parenting or their friends and family will see it as such. I think most parents would ask their child or wonder what did they do wrong or didn't they do right? In other circumstances, some parents are so selfish and bent on forcing their children to live their lives the way they believe they should live it.

    Madd Sistahly Love :heart:
    CCBSKYN
     
  7. diva08

    diva08 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i would never disown my child - i've had classmates come out to their parents, and they acted a fool - transferred them to different schools, put them out, took them to therapy. as much as people say they to different schools love their children unconditionally, they put conditions on the relationship. as long as you're not gay or a sex addict or a druggie i'll show you that i really love you. it's a sad thing. kids have to realize their parents are human as well. it takes a while to get used to the concept of your child not being what you would want them to be, so there has to be understanding on both sides.

    i don't think there would be anything to make me hate what intense love created: a child. i would love them always, but not necessarily love what they did or who they have become. but i pray that i can be enough of an example so my offspring wouldn't ever be weak enough to be overcome by any evil that would rip apart the bond that was created.

    d
     
  8. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    YEAP!!!! I AGREE

    I would do what my handz can and leave the rest
    to GOD.....sometime it's not our choice to choose
    what they become but at all cost i would love him just the same
    but ya right i would never allow this act inside my home nor round me but help i would give .......mainly i hope this never
    come to pass before me and my sons continue to be what
    GOD bless them to be .......all MAN like there DAD !:toast:
     
  9. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Funny you said that Destee....I have three sons and I asked myself what would I do IF any of them were gay. I would not disown them BUT I really would not be too pleased..seeing there are so many wonderful black girls here in Barbados. Up to this day, cannot understand how a man can make love to another man..
    Just an aside,.
    Here in Barbados a gay man is called a BULLER, HAM, PIECE UH GIRL
    Bull (verb)
    A lesbian is called a WICKER (noun)
    Wick (verb)


    :eek::SuN032:
     
  10. dunwiddat

    dunwiddat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I wonder how parents feel when they children admit it to them. To be honest would not like to hear that.
     
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