Good afternoon, posters, and I hope you're in the mood to hear this too, but let's don't get off topic, as well as face up to our and our peoples internal issues/problems/etc., i. e., which some of you have exibited the courage/intelligence/etc. to say something about, though we have yet to come to an actual agreed upon consensus, e. g. as to what exactly to do anything about it all...
After having said and written that:
If there hadn't been or isn't a sense of family--before and since the unjust enslavement of our distant african ancestors/their immediate descendents/etc., as well as had not been an any intact black family and/or extended family members, some who did look out for each other during the early and late years of the white racist policy and practice of segregation which followed the end of slavery in this nation, as well?
There would have been no intact black communities, no Nation of Islam, no black created and run chrisitian churches, etc., for the likes of Martin or Malcolm to give advice to--let alone lead anywhere...
To say the least:
There wouldn't have been a Black Movement--be it the Civil Rights and Black Power movements as well...
Flashforward:
And I do believe too much is being guessed at these days:
Some things we must know to be true!
So please some of you enlighten me as regards what you know and understand about the history etc. of the black family--i. e., on the African continent--during slavery and segregation--on this one...
That will help me better understand and know some of the reasons behind the present day crisis as regards that too...
Thanks in advance!
In the Motherland marriage was/is a fact of life, not a choice.
in precolonial Africa arranged marriges asured no young girl fending for themselves or having a child without a father when she gets older.
The sense of community in pre integration neighorhoods had a code and standard of conduct
both in the south and here in the north according to Dr Clarke
http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...Stv5BpjqqwLXs4jhBg&q=john+henrik+clark&hl=en#
When COINTELPRO assisted and abetted the strategic infusion of inexpensive,
and actualy discounted drugs into the community during the late 70s and early 80s,
the Black neighborhood deteriorated from Neighbor- hood,
to just Hood, taking the neighbor qualty out from quick drug profits, and devestating addictions taht literaly destroyed Black families of every ecomnomic strata.
Now with the current national economic decline there will be a new rise on seperating familes trying to find employment, for example;
Economy Forces Some Families to Work, Live Apart
Sunday 27 September 2009
by: Suzanne Perez Tobias | The Wichita Eagle
Economy forces some families to work, live apart.
Bob Handshy talks with his wife, Rebekah, every day — about the weather, the kids' school projects, the new bathroom floor.
He chats with the kids. He plays Hangman with his son, Jace. He tells the children "Be good" and "I love you" and "Good night."
He just does it from 1,900 miles away.
Bob Handshy, who was laid off from Cessna in June, is doing contract work for an aircraft manufacturing plant in Seattle. Rebekah, a stay-at-home mom, lives in Wichita with the couple's three kids.
They are among millions of American couples living apart — sometimes time zones or hemispheres apart — because of work. So-called commuter marriages may be increasing in Wichita as layoffs force more workers to look elsewhere for jobs, a local expert says.
"This isn't something we'd choose," says Rebekah Handshy, 26. "But right now it's the best option, so we deal with it and make it work."
In 2006, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that 3.6 million married Americans — not including separated couples — were living apart from their
spouses. In March, Worldwide ERC, the association for work force mobility, released a report showing that three-fourths of relocation agents surveyed had dealt with at least one commuter marriage, a 53 percent increase since 2003.
"Families are continually changing," said Mike Duxler, a professor of social work at Newman University and manager of the Marriage For Keeps research project.
Today's families migrate more, Duxler said. "Technology and ease of travel means people have the ability to meet and date and even marry and live at a distance, if necessary, so that is happening more and more."
The recession and ever-tightening job market have people looking greater distances for work and may prompt more couples to opt for commuter marriages, Duxler said.
"Some families will do better than others," he said. "But at the very least it is a strain on all families."
Looking at Options
Rebekah Handshy said she and her husband considered several options in the weeks leading up to his layoff. Finding another job in Wichita looked bleak for Bob. And they didn't want to put their youngest child, Jersey, in day care so Rebekah could work full time as a hairstylist.
When Bob landed contract work in Seattle, they briefly considered moving the family. But the couple's house, extended families "and my entire support network" are in Wichita, Rebekah said.
So he moved. And she stayed.
"We didn't know if this would be two months or six months or a year," she said. "We hope it's short-term. He really wants to be here. He wants to be home."
In the meantime, Rebekah tends the house, pays the bills and cares for the children. She and Bob talk on their cell phones a few times a day. Every night at bedtime, she passes the phone around so Bob can wish the kids good night. Once a week, she gathers the children — ages 8, 7 and 19 months — around the laptop for a video chat with Dad.
But daily life is a challenge, she says, even with parents, in-laws and siblings in town to help.
Last month Jace had a pain in his side that turned out to be appendicitis. Within a few hours, the 7-year-old was in emergency surgery and Rebekah was on the phone with Bob, frantic and upset.
"I didn't know what to do. I wanted him here. It was awful," she said. "But I know it was really, really hard for him, too. He felt helpless."
Routines, Tasks
Although commuter marriages may be increasing among middle-class, professionals, they're hardly a new phenomenon. Duxler noted that military families regularly deal with separations, often while knowing that one person is in danger.
"That cycle of separation and reintegration is just a part of (military) life," Duxler said. "You expect it, so you're more prepared for it. But that doesn't mean it's easy."
Loneliness is a factor, Duxler said. Many, especially those with children, struggle with new routines and tasks.
"Even when you're hitting on all cylinders and everything is going well, marriage and raising a family is very difficult to do," Duxler said. "As you start stripping away those supports, it gets harder and harder."
Kelli and Daniel Butherus celebrated their 10th anniversary this summer. Soon after, Daniel, a manufacturing engineer, was laid off from Cessna and moved to Fort Worth for a one-year contract job.
His pay is good, Kelli Butherus said. She was able to keep her job teaching high school math. And the couple's two children, ages 9 and 7, continue to attend their Catholic school in Schulte, which the family loves.
But "the hardest thing has been the evenings," Kelli said. Daniel used to cook and ferry kids to football and soccer. "Now it's just crazy."
She says she's lucky, though. She talks to Daniel by phone every day — he texts her first thing in the morning to let her know he didn't oversleep — and he drives home to visit every other weekend.
But 9-year-old Clay cries when his father leaves, "and that breaks my heart," Kelli said. "We all know it's what he has to do right now to support his family."
Relationships
Some couples adjust to commuter marriages more easily and even enjoy some aspects of it, Duxler said.
"Fewer day-to-day conflicts arise. You can do your own thing," he said. Add long weekends or visits where husband and wife focus intently on the relationship, and "it can almost have a honeymoon quality."
But "couples who want a relationship with a lot of intimacy can have a hard time with it," Duxler said. Disagreements can be harder to resolve.
"My wife and I might have a misunderstanding, but I know I'll be back that evening," he said. "If you have an argument right before you leave for weeks or months, it's more challenging to resolve that in a complete way, a healthy way."
full article;
http://www.truthout.org/092709X