Black People : If The BLACK Family Survives: So Will WE-!

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by chuck, Sep 27, 2009.

  1. chuck

    chuck Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good afternoon, posters, and I hope you're in the mood to hear this too, but let's don't get off topic, as well as face up to our and our peoples internal issues/problems/etc., i. e., which some of you have exibited the courage/intelligence/etc. to say something about, though we have yet to come to an actual agreed upon consensus, e. g. as to what exactly to do anything about it all...

    After having said and written that:

    If there hadn't been or isn't a sense of family--before and since the unjust enslavement of our distant african ancestors/their immediate descendents/etc., as well as had not been an any intact black family and/or extended family members, some who did look out for each other during the early and late years of the white racist policy and practice of segregation which followed the end of slavery in this nation, as well?

    There would have been no intact black communities, no Nation of Islam, no black created and run chrisitian churches, etc., for the likes of Martin or Malcolm to give advice to--let alone lead anywhere...

    To say the least:

    There wouldn't have been a Black Movement--be it the Civil Rights and Black Power movements as well...

    Flashforward:

    And I do believe too much is being guessed at these days:

    Some things we must know to be true!

    So please some of you enlighten me as regards what you know and understand about the history etc. of the black family--i. e., on the African continent--during slavery and segregation--on this one...

    That will help me better understand and know some of the reasons behind the present day crisis as regards that too...

    Thanks in advance!

    :fyi:
     
  2. Putney Swope

    Putney Swope Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In the Motherland marriage was/is a fact of life, not a choice.
    in precolonial Africa arranged marriges asured no young girl fending for themselves or having a child without a father when she gets older.
    The sense of community in pre integration neighorhoods had a code and standard of conduct
    both in the south and here in the north according to Dr Clarke
    http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...Stv5BpjqqwLXs4jhBg&q=john+henrik+clark&hl=en#

    When COINTELPRO assisted and abetted the strategic infusion of inexpensive,
    and actualy discounted drugs into the community during the late 70s and early 80s,
    the Black neighborhood deteriorated from Neighbor- hood,
    to just Hood, taking the neighbor qualty out from quick drug profits, and devestating addictions taht literaly destroyed Black families of every ecomnomic strata.

    Now with the current national economic decline there will be a new rise on seperating familes trying to find employment, for example;

    Economy Forces Some Families to Work, Live Apart
    Sunday 27 September 2009

    by: Suzanne Perez Tobias | The Wichita Eagle

    Economy forces some families to work, live apart.

    Bob Handshy talks with his wife, Rebekah, every day — about the weather, the kids' school projects, the new bathroom floor.

    He chats with the kids. He plays Hangman with his son, Jace. He tells the children "Be good" and "I love you" and "Good night."

    He just does it from 1,900 miles away.

    Bob Handshy, who was laid off from Cessna in June, is doing contract work for an aircraft manufacturing plant in Seattle. Rebekah, a stay-at-home mom, lives in Wichita with the couple's three kids.

    They are among millions of American couples living apart — sometimes time zones or hemispheres apart — because of work. So-called commuter marriages may be increasing in Wichita as layoffs force more workers to look elsewhere for jobs, a local expert says.

    "This isn't something we'd choose," says Rebekah Handshy, 26. "But right now it's the best option, so we deal with it and make it work."

    In 2006, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that 3.6 million married Americans — not including separated couples — were living apart from their

    spouses. In March, Worldwide ERC, the association for work force mobility, released a report showing that three-fourths of relocation agents surveyed had dealt with at least one commuter marriage, a 53 percent increase since 2003.

    "Families are continually changing," said Mike Duxler, a professor of social work at Newman University and manager of the Marriage For Keeps research project.

    Today's families migrate more, Duxler said. "Technology and ease of travel means people have the ability to meet and date and even marry and live at a distance, if necessary, so that is happening more and more."

    The recession and ever-tightening job market have people looking greater distances for work and may prompt more couples to opt for commuter marriages, Duxler said.

    "Some families will do better than others," he said. "But at the very least it is a strain on all families."

    Looking at Options

    Rebekah Handshy said she and her husband considered several options in the weeks leading up to his layoff. Finding another job in Wichita looked bleak for Bob. And they didn't want to put their youngest child, Jersey, in day care so Rebekah could work full time as a hairstylist.

    When Bob landed contract work in Seattle, they briefly considered moving the family. But the couple's house, extended families "and my entire support network" are in Wichita, Rebekah said.

    So he moved. And she stayed.

    "We didn't know if this would be two months or six months or a year," she said. "We hope it's short-term. He really wants to be here. He wants to be home."

    In the meantime, Rebekah tends the house, pays the bills and cares for the children. She and Bob talk on their cell phones a few times a day. Every night at bedtime, she passes the phone around so Bob can wish the kids good night. Once a week, she gathers the children — ages 8, 7 and 19 months — around the laptop for a video chat with Dad.

    But daily life is a challenge, she says, even with parents, in-laws and siblings in town to help.

    Last month Jace had a pain in his side that turned out to be appendicitis. Within a few hours, the 7-year-old was in emergency surgery and Rebekah was on the phone with Bob, frantic and upset.

    "I didn't know what to do. I wanted him here. It was awful," she said. "But I know it was really, really hard for him, too. He felt helpless."

    Routines, Tasks

    Although commuter marriages may be increasing among middle-class, professionals, they're hardly a new phenomenon. Duxler noted that military families regularly deal with separations, often while knowing that one person is in danger.

    "That cycle of separation and reintegration is just a part of (military) life," Duxler said. "You expect it, so you're more prepared for it. But that doesn't mean it's easy."

    Loneliness is a factor, Duxler said. Many, especially those with children, struggle with new routines and tasks.

    "Even when you're hitting on all cylinders and everything is going well, marriage and raising a family is very difficult to do," Duxler said. "As you start stripping away those supports, it gets harder and harder."

    Kelli and Daniel Butherus celebrated their 10th anniversary this summer. Soon after, Daniel, a manufacturing engineer, was laid off from Cessna and moved to Fort Worth for a one-year contract job.

    His pay is good, Kelli Butherus said. She was able to keep her job teaching high school math. And the couple's two children, ages 9 and 7, continue to attend their Catholic school in Schulte, which the family loves.

    But "the hardest thing has been the evenings," Kelli said. Daniel used to cook and ferry kids to football and soccer. "Now it's just crazy."

    She says she's lucky, though. She talks to Daniel by phone every day — he texts her first thing in the morning to let her know he didn't oversleep — and he drives home to visit every other weekend.

    But 9-year-old Clay cries when his father leaves, "and that breaks my heart," Kelli said. "We all know it's what he has to do right now to support his family."

    Relationships

    Some couples adjust to commuter marriages more easily and even enjoy some aspects of it, Duxler said.

    "Fewer day-to-day conflicts arise. You can do your own thing," he said. Add long weekends or visits where husband and wife focus intently on the relationship, and "it can almost have a honeymoon quality."

    But "couples who want a relationship with a lot of intimacy can have a hard time with it," Duxler said. Disagreements can be harder to resolve.

    "My wife and I might have a misunderstanding, but I know I'll be back that evening," he said. "If you have an argument right before you leave for weeks or months, it's more challenging to resolve that in a complete way, a healthy way."

    full article;http://www.truthout.org/092709X
     
  3. LindaChavis

    LindaChavis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi Chuck

    Great topic. I hope you like to read because I suggest you pick up the book by Dr. Joy DeGruy Leary Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome

    Short excerpt:

    Leary, who teaches social work at Portland State University, traces the way that both overt and subtle forms of racism have damaged the collective African-American psyche—harm manifested through poor mental and physical health, family and relationship dysfunction, and self-destructive impulses.

    Leary adapts our understanding of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to propose that African Americans today suffer from a particular kind of intergenerational trauma: Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome (PTSS).

    The systematic dehumanization of African slaves was the initial trauma, explains Leary, and generations of their descendents have borne the scars. Since that time, Americans of all ethnic backgrounds have been inculcated and immersed in a fabricated (but effective) system of race “hierarchy,” where light-skin privilege still dramatically affects the likelihood of succeeding in American society.

    Leary suggests that African Americans (and other people of color) can ill afford to wait for the dominant culture to realize the qualitative benefits of undoing racism. The real recovery from the ongoing trauma of slavery and racism has to start from within, she says, beginning with a true acknowledgment of the resilience of African-American culture.

    “The nature of this work,” Leary writes in her prologue, “is such that each group first must see to their own healing, because no group can do another’s work.”

    What kind of reaction have you received to your book? And has that reaction differed based on who is in the audience?

    Overall, the response has been very positive, although I’m sure the naysayers are out there. The difference in reaction is noticeable when I deal with grassroots folks in the African-American community. With them, the response has been extremely emotional. It’s as though I’m speaking people’s personal stories, which seems to give them a feeling of hope.

    Of course, I’m not the first person to initiate this kind of work into the intergenerational nature of trauma in the African-American community … What I did differently is that I pulled from many different historical sources and scholarly disciplines. In essence, I created a “map” of knowledge so that people could see how African-American self-perception has been shaped.

    Throughout your book, you emphasize that an acute, social denial of both historical and present-day racism has taken on pathological dimensions. You write that this country is “sick with the issue of race.”

    The root of this denial for the dominant culture is fear, and fear mutates into all kinds of things: psychological projection, distorted and sensationalized representations in the media, and the manipulation of science to justify the legal rights and treatment of people. That’s why it’s become so hard to unravel.

    Unfortunately, many European Americans have a very hard time even hearing a person of color express their experiences. The prevailing psychological mechanism is the idea, “I’ve not experienced it, so it cannot be happening for you.”

    Truly, how can anyone tell me what I have and have not experienced? This is a very paternalistic manifestation of white supremacy, the idea that African Americans and other people of color can be told, with great authority, what their ancestor’s lives were like and even what their own, present-day lives are like. The result for those on the receiving end of this kind of distortion is an aspect of PTSS. People begin to doubt themselves, their experiences, and their worth in society because they have been so invalidated their whole lives, in so many ways.

    Attempts to encourage European Americans to join in on a more honest, national dialogue about “race” and racism often results in defensive posturing and positioning. Common responses include “slavery happened a long time ago,” or people saying that they’re tired of being made to feel guilty about something they didn’t do. How do we respond to this detachment from the crucial issues of the legacy of slavery?

    It’s irrelevant that you weren’t alive during slavery days. I wasn’t there either! But what we as a nation face today has been heavily impacted by our history, whether we’re talking in the gulf between the haves and have-nots; education gaps between white and black children; or the racial disparities in our prisons.

    I don’t believe in making people feel “guilty.” We have to recognize that remnants of racist oppression continue to impact people in this country.

    Much of my work really is about black people looking at ourselves and understanding how our lives have been shaped by what we’ve been dealt. I don’t want to wait for permission to examine this or to hear that looking back into our histories is somehow counterproductive.

    An eye-opening experience for you was your first visit to New York’s largest and most overpopulated jail facility, Rikers Island. What kinds of insights did you gain about PTSS from talking to imprisoned African-American young men about their lives?

    It was remarkable to see their physical disposition. They walked into the room with their heads held low, shuffled in … for lack of a better word, [they looked like] slaves. They had lost their way, and there was no light in their eyes whatsoever. Young people typically have a high level of energy. While there was a feeling of angry rebelliousness, the prevailing feeling of hopelessness was staggering.

    It’s also significant that it took about a half-hour for them to realize that I was talking to them, not at them. In that brief moment, I felt as though I gave them hope. Their body language had already changed by the time they were getting ready to leave. They had become students by the end of our time together.

    These young people are being raised by these institutions, and then unleashed back into their communities to wreak havoc. Most of these young men grew up in poverty, and they have the experience of being black and poor in a materialistic society that says if you have nothing, you are nothing. In comparison, when I was in Africa I witnessed incredible poverty unlike anything I had ever seen before. I always talk about how tall and proud the people walked. Their greatest shame was their lack of education, not their lack of wealth. But in America, you are what you have, what you wear.

    You write about the fear that many African Americans have of being “exposed” or having family or community “dirty laundry” aired. “Never let them see you sweat,” as the expression goes.

    Shame is such a big issue in our society in general. What many African Americans have internalized is a sense of shame about just not being “good enough.” That’s a horrible thing to be sentenced to for your life.

    When a person walks around with that sense of shame and self-hatred, they are likely to function poorly in society, no matter who they are. Add the extra layer of racist socialization, of being devalued, and what it means to be just human in America, and all those things just makes the shame worse. We as African Americans don’t get a pass on all the problems that humans have to deal with in life: finances, career choices, personal crises, relationships, and so forth. But when we add that to this intergenerational trauma in the context of a society that is in denial about its racism, people’s lives can become overwhelmed, even frozen in place.

    I’m saying let’s just take a few of those burdens off of people’s shoulders. Look at what we, as African Americans, have been able to do even with those burdens on our shoulders. Can you imagine what we could accomplish if some of those burdens were removed?
     
  4. Chevron Dove

    Chevron Dove Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Bro Chuck,

    This is a great post. I'm interested in what has already been posted. Still reading...

    I've certainly learned that that was one of the main goals in slavery; that was to split up the Black Family.
     
  5. Full Speed

    Full Speed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I honestly believe we overthink things. We can go into history and so on but at the end of the day we KNOW that statistically fatherless homes and broken families is a detriment to our community. We KNOW that over 85% of ALL prison inmates are from fatherless homes. We KNOW that unless we do something differently than we are doing today the trends concerning fatherless homes will continue to increase as they have for several decades.

    We also KNOW that fatherlessness is increasing in the white community as well, therefore, we cannot blame it exclusively on racism, oppression, or the white man. We also KNOW that blaming it on racism, oppression, or the white man will not fix the problem, nor will it lead to fixing the problem.

    We KNOW that the bottom line is that we have to handle our business. We KNOW that we as a community have to promote, encourage, popularize, incentivize, and embrace marriage and the family. Nothing else will accomplish the task reversing the trends so that the Black family survives.

    I demand that every man within our community make a commitment that they will never father a child that they do not have the intent to have that child live under the same roof he provides for himself. If he cannot provide a roof for himself, he needs to commit to not concieving a child. If he is not prepared to give a life long commitment to meet the physical and emotional needs of that child and to prepare that child for an independent and productive adulthood, he needs to commit to not conceiving that child. Until we have high expectations for our men and send the clear message that we must all act in a manner that is not destructive to our own community, we will continue to experience the conditions we are today.
     
  6. Putney Swope

    Putney Swope Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If one is not a doctor, it gets to be hard to tell if someone is faking or not, so it is also hard to give a remedy if one has not fully diagnosed the illness.

    Any psychologist can tell you any addictive or abbarent behavior is cured when one looks at the source or the start of the behavor and works from there.

    Simple psychology
     
  7. Full Speed

    Full Speed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Is there a doctor in the house? Doc Swope, this is a classic example of the over thinking I am talking about. It results in NOTHING because it assumes you have a prerequisit to solve all kinds of problems that are well beyond your control before you can take simple corrective actions to solve the problems that are right in front of your face.

    You really don't need to fix the world in order to understand the importance of fathers in the home. Many brothers and sisters understand, value, and embrace the institution of marriage. It does not require a doctor nor a psychologist. You just can't overthink it....you will never find a solution.

    We KNOW that the bottom line is that we have to handle our business. We KNOW that we as a community have to promote, encourage, popularize, incentivize, and embrace marriage and the family. Nothing else will accomplish the task reversing the trends so that the Black family survives.

    Not even a doctor or a psychologist.
     
  8. Putney Swope

    Putney Swope Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No prerequiste just the careing enough to read about what is succesful and what is just chatting on a website, I am not angry at folks chatting so why would anyone get hot or angry about the mentioning of methodologies of community healing , that have worked and that they themselves can look up and verify, if they don't believe it,
    that's all, simply logic, no emotion!
     
  9. chuck

    chuck Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Chuck:

    First of all?

    I do appreciate the effort you are making...

    Second of all?

    If you haven't done so, do check out THE SLAVE FAMILY (book), i. e., it wasn't quite the master/slave relationship many choose to believe, and the truth is some slave families were allowed to remain intact, as long as their unpaid labors etc. did make some slave masters affluent or others rich...
     
  10. chuck

    chuck Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Chuck:

    First of all?

    I may or not may not be able to actually read the book...

    Second of all?

    On time and on point review, i. e., since that does seem and sound to be the generally accepted approach, to help us get to the root causes of what aills us as a people, even nowadays...

     
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