Poetry Critiques : If I...

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Passionfruit005, Dec 25, 2005.

  1. Passionfruit005

    Passionfruit005 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    well...

    If i asked u to notice my inner beauty
    would you instead get caught up in the flaws of my apperence ?
    would u constantly judge and belittle me?
    every word questioning my self worth
    If i told you,
    If you were to see me cry would you not be so harsh on my weaknesses
    take my gift of the presence of my self and hold it for all it's worth
    show me the queen, the diva, the enchantress that resides in me
    if i told you,
    would you believe?
    would u tell me weight is not an issue,
    make it something that i can scratch outta my agenda
    becuase maybe im fine, the way i am
    nice maybe
    beautiful even,
    and in either way,
    if i told u , to love me
    tha way i am, to embrace my inner spirituality
    to lock up my insecurites in a glass jar
    and let your shoulder be my leaning post
    could i ,
    could i depend on you
    to look back into the reflection and see
    me,
    and not be disapointed,
    but drink tha nourshiments that are my self esteem
    and face the world head high
    If i told u
    you are me?
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    this poem express emotions inner beings and well written
    i wouldn't change a thing
     
  3. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i love the way your pen flow on this one like rich said i wouldn't change a thang either!!!!!!! flow on poet.:star:
     
  4. abstract219

    abstract219 ...standing on the shoulders of giants MEMBER

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    trying to hold back....that is beautiful...the sentiment expressed something ive been wanting to tell women, but couldnt word it the way you have here........

    great write. im feelin it.