Black Short Stories : I thought you loved me...

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by Angela22, Sep 18, 2013.

  1. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    "Don't you love me, man of my life? Or so I thought! You don't really, but are fine with make believing that you do. You play games with me, and these don't suffice. Why can't you be truthful, be honest, that I'm just along for the ride? Do you think it'll hurt my feelings beyond repair or that I'm not mature enough to handle rejection? I can take it, just you try me."

    "I see the woman on your arm when you go out, and how she captures your attention, like I used to in former days. Guess I'm old news now, huh? I'm just here to bring you up when she isn't around to do so."

    "And when we go out, you patronize me. You start buying me things, as if my love can be bought. You hold me in your arms, when I know you'd rather have another instead. You give me kisses, but I can't bring myself to give the same when you inquire; I know you've been kissing her, and it just sickens me."

    "So, man of my life, it's time to choose. I love you but can't keep pretending this is okay. Which one would you rather call your own? Which one is your true love? Is she, or am I?"


    "Awwww, look at that, she's mouthing words to her daddy!" Cordell's mother said in glee. "Yeah, she's been doing this a lot, lately. She's trying to talk, I can tell, but she then starts throwing a fit, like she's feels I did something wrong. I don't know what it is she wants." he stated in a more puzzled tone.

    Cordell picked his daughter up from her toys, and spoke sweetly to her. "My precious baby, don't you know you're my favorite girl? I know your mama isn't around, but whatever love she would have given you, I'll give you double that, alright, my babygirl?" he then lifted her high above his head, which brought a smile to her face.

    "Mwah! What is it you been trying to say?" As Cordell kissed his daughter, he noticed her mouthing words again, and couldn't help but feel better about it. He knew this time, somehow, she was happier than she had been in awhile.

    "Alright, man of my life. I believe you. I'm your favorite girl!"

    Then with arms extended outward, and in a most excited tone, "Gib daddy a kiss!" she yelled.

    "Her first words! Oh we gotta record this!" his mother spoke.

    "Awww, my baby's first words. I thought you didn't love me anymore, you been denying me kisses when I asked. I love you, my babygirl, and always will."


    (Just wrote this out of the blue, hope you enjoy(ed) it)
     
  2. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i get the whole "daughter's love for her father" thing, but this sounds incestuous...from the crib.

    *pondering*
     
  3. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You're thinking waaaay too hard there, buddy.

    There's no mention of anything sexual or inappropriate that would even hint at incest; it's a story about a daughter's want for her daddy's attention, like most children go through with their mom's and dad's in their youth. It's simply twisted in a manner that might have the reader thinking, "Oh, I thought his girlfriend was pining, it's just his baby daughter!"

    The "man of my life" is just a play on daddy being daughter's first love, in a non-incestuous manner, mind you. And the giving kissing, is like with any parent asking for their child's kiss, when they are babies. (My mom and dad, and grandparents did it with me and my siblings, when we were babes and toddlers. And I did it with my baby bros. and sis. Baby kisses are just the sweetest!)

    If that's what you got, maybe you're going too deep at the meaning behind each line. :10500: Or maybe this world is way too obsessed with the inappropriate/sexual behvaior that they read it in everything. Sheesh.

    If the twist bothers you that much though, I can't do much about that. But I even threw in puns; "make believe", "playing games", etc. Childish things. -_-
     
  4. Vincent Stacy Henry

    Vincent Stacy Henry Member MEMBER

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    Nice slice of life type of story. I actually liked the twist. However, if you put something out there you can't control how someone interprets it or feels about it.
     
  5. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No, I can't control it, and don't try to. But I do find it a bit disturbing that many things which are innocent are "interpreted" as something totally opposite and vile. It just bothers me, because it's like that's the first thing people are looking for a lot of times. :10500: Plus, I can take critique, but saying such a thing speaks to my own character, as if I'd condone incestuous relationships. Can't let that be stated without clearing the air. Just my thoughts to it.
     
  6. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    no, you cannot control it...and nor should you try. neither should you become defensive when someone offers an opinion of your work...that differs from yours. you could explain your point of view...without criticizing your readers for their view. when you put something out there, you have to know that there will be someone who will not see it the way you see it. that's not a crime...it's what readers do--they interpret things. i wasn't passing judgment, i was offering my thoughts. if you would rather i didn't offer them, let me know.
     
  7. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't think I should become defensive for critique to my works, either. And often, I don't. I welcome it; because it's interesting to see how so many saw differently the same story.

    But if you think it's wrong for someone to become defensive when their work is called on being "incestuous" in nature, maybe you should have something of yours called the same and see how it feels, eh?

    As I stated, critiques, I have no trouble with, but I do take such a one personally, because it speaks as if I'd condone such a behavior, whether solely on paper or in real life. It's like unintentional slander. Even critiques need to be well thought out before putting them out there, and shouldn't just be the first thing that comes to mind without thinking how it could affect another's view of someone's work.

    So please, if I caused offense, accept my sincere apology, for I meant none. However, I still stand by my being defensive, because that, for me, goes too far.
     
  8. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i would think that the first thing that comes to mind is exactly what you--a writer--would want...and not the political correctness of "saying the right thing." obviously, i was wrong.

    *my apologies*
     
  9. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What does being PC have to do with this?

    Maybe you missed the part of where I stated one's own critique could affect another's POV, to someone's work, and with such a one, their character overall.

    It's like someone calling my works satanic; I'd be just as defensive, because it speaks to what I would condone and what I wouldn't. I can't change your view, but I don't appreciate my works being called such a thing.

    If you can't separate that two, a usual critique and one being called incestuous, then I can't do much there for ya.
     
  10. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    That's really beautiful Angela. I dig your setups and the way you reveal your resolutions.. keep em coming.
     
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