Black Poetry : I Should Have Known...

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Yemoja'sGoddess, Nov 2, 2007.

  1. Yemoja'sGoddess

    Yemoja'sGoddess Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2007
    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    I Should Have Known...

    So... this is it huh? This is what life is all about... It's been this way since I was rejected from the womb 6 weeks too **** soon... eyes wide open as I screamed and shout...

    The “love child” or shall I say "unpleasant suprise" of a schizo and a chain smokin' alcoholic, 4 pounds, heart murmur, and undeveloped lungs, the so called “miracle baby" that made doctors and nurses stop and stare...

    I should have know then... I don't know what ever possessed me now to believe that to me life would ever be fair... Hell, what my mother told me in an alcoholic daze, haunts me nightly and taunts me most of my days... to this life long pain I have been defeated... when my father tried to smother me as an infant in a schizophrenic rage, my mother should have let him complete it...

    Anything is better than feeling this pain... all these two bit cliches about their being sunshine after the rain... it a ******' shame that I was taught to lie at 7 or I got belt buckle lashes; thinking someone will come to save me, but they won't... Hell, I got beat if I told the truth too, so from jump I was damned if I do and damned if I don't...

    Wow... seems as if this poor little rich girl from the suburbs just can't win... it wasn't my money that got me there the first time, but now, I've chosen to live in suburbia again... surrounded by devils of the white persuasion, no real friend in sight... I already face a war daily in these streets, I get no peace, I still fight in my sleep every night... visions of a man holding me down and taking what I thought was sacred and mine... Thought u really cared,my best friend, but they say love is blind...

    Time after time after time I cry, beg and plea... why God, why, does all this bull**** have to happen to me? What did I do so wrong to endure so much pain... I don't even ask for in prays for wealth fortune or fame! I just wanna look in the mirror and see the Goddess they I am and smile... then I wanna look behind me and see my husband admiring me all the while...

    I wanna teach my son and future children all the things I didn't get to grow... I don't want them to pick up this image bull**** from a BET TV show... OH HELL NO... my son(s) won't be like the men who I let lie to, cheat on, misuse and abuse me out of fear... If I can survive this last blow to my heart I swear to GOD on the right path, my son(s) I will attempt to steer...

    I never thought I'd see the day when I could sit here and be so **** bold... to say I actually feel it as I speak the last piece of my heart has turned cold... I tried to save it, tried to hold on, stay strong and have faith in every way... but the opposition got me, abandoned my son, strangled my neck, mislead, spit in my face yea it's a tragedy what can I say... It's like what more can u actually do? The same **** that was done to my ancestors by a white man, I received the exact same treatment from the likes of you! My protecta, my motavata, my complement, my muse... yet u r my deceiver, my enslaver, my exploiter and I true from the start, am reduced in whole and impart, amongst your court jester of fools...

    I should have know then, that by now I really didn't have in this hell a chance... the best thing I could do for u is to amuse, go ahead shoot more bullets at my feet and force me to dance... I mean, ****, let's be real... I don tipped toed around it long enough, I've known all alone what the deal... If I don't dress like a whore, I don't grab your attention... and if I'm up front honest and righteous, I'm too good to be true... and still me to your momma u fail to mention...

    so... OH BOY!!! This roller coaster... here we got one mo' gin'... the dark skinned, big boned, educated, genuine loving supportive, born loser just can't win...

    What else can u take? What else can u do? You've kicked my ***, made me cry myself unconscious and mangled what's left of my heart and drop kicked it to the floor, I don' had all I can take from love God, I don't want no **** mo'... Is this what u wanted God, to push me far beyond my limits and laugh in my face? Listen for me to beg for mercy in prayers, make me believe in his heart I have a place, then humiliate me for all this world to see? How can I believe after living this experience, and this life thus far that u, God, really love me?!

    I'm hurting so much, I know I don't mean it, how in the hell can I blame u? I made the choices, I ignored the voices telling me all along just what they'd do... ain't a **** thing new... to continuously walk over me like stale gum on the bottom of a **** shoe... I gave, I loved, I sacrificed, I begged, and this is the thanks I get for all I've been through?

    1 last chance... 1 last chance I had to break the cycle of dysfunction and created endless junction... something to make my ancestors proud... instead I'm here on the floor not rejoicing, but crying out loud... “you died for me, for this?!” “You were thrown off of boats, raped and beaten for my chance at chronic bliss?!” Well Egun I tried,really I did... but all I got now is the ******' bluez...

    Once again, as always in this life, even to the dead I'm the bearer of bad news...

    Copyright~ Seeyen Oyetunde 2007
     
  2. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2003
    Messages:
    16,340
    Likes Received:
    114
    Location:
    Northeast
    Ratings:
    +122
    I'm not going to talk about the light at the end of the tunnel, cause as you've said you've heard every different version of that. There are those times when it gets so that we can't see the sun no matter how brightly it shines, no matter how often someone pulls the curtains back and demands that we look at it.
    Can't say I know exactly how you feel, but having had my heart kicked in the gut before, I can certainly relate.
    What I can say sis, is you need to be good to yourself right now. Shower yourself and your son with all the love and care you can muster.
    Be gentle with you, treat yourself as a goddess who is fragile right now, but still, a goddess none the less.
    You are beautiful, with such an intense essence. You leave a lasting impression upon everyone who is blessed to have experienced you. I know that you realize that you can't stay in this painful space forever, and you won't. We love you, Yemoja! :kiss1:
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2001
    Messages:
    34,790
    Likes Received:
    8,984
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    betwixt and between
    Ratings:
    +9,684
    Sister Yemoja's Goddess ... this peace of poetry is so beatifully stark and captivating. Every word, every line, every comma, had me anticipating the next one. As i read, i couldn't help but see myself, other Sisters, knowing in my heart that so many have felt the same way at one time or another, that there are Sisters right now, going through, just like this. You're ministering to others, through your written word, and hopefully, if needed, soothing your own soul in the process, restoring your own peace.

    Poetry is so powerful. I read it often, and am often left wondering ... is she talking about herself, is she talking about what i think she's talking about, is she talking about a friend, was she looking through the windows of my life, did God give her a glimpse of my experiences, is there a message between the lines, a secret message from God, for me, should i focus on the words, or the song ... it's all so beautiful ... where and what is the real message ... oouuuuuuuuu great poetry does that to me ... and ultimately i take all the wisdom, peace, and serenity from the poetry that i can find, and claim it as my own, since you've chosen to share so graciously with us.

    Thank You Sister ... continue to teach and heal.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5,447
    Likes Received:
    840
    Occupation:
    The~rapist
    Location:
    In the fantasy of Afreekan Unity
    Ratings:
    +843
    WORK IT OUT PRINCESS (aka Babydoll)....WORK IT OUT!!!

    :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:


    :hearts2::love:
     
  5. Rashad

    Rashad Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2001
    Messages:
    1,004
    Likes Received:
    8
    Ratings:
    +10
    speechlees! wonderful scribe off of this particular emotion poet.
     
  6. Yemoja'sGoddess

    Yemoja'sGoddess Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2007
    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    Thanks!

    Thanks 4 all the love family... I'm a work in progress indeed:weights: :cardio: :run: :run: :run:
     
  7. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2001
    Messages:
    7,648
    Likes Received:
    40
    Occupation:
    thrivin' spiritually/physically/emotionally/financ
    Location:
    where failure is not an option
    Ratings:
    +42
    it's a long road

    and alot of questions need to be answered

    and they will be answered gradually in progression

    patience my female brethren

    patience

    it's not meant to be easy

    but you have to be you

    you have to stand for who you are on grounds of righteousness

    it will come

    it won't come tomorrow or next month or next year

    but it will come

    patience is key

    and the most hardest to obtain

    because still have to live right

    but if you are patient the reward is much more

    stay with the spirit

    believe and it will guide you

    never buckle

    NEVER
     
  8. Sha'iyn

    Sha'iyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    May 9, 2007
    Messages:
    402
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    construction
    Location:
    i live in TushKauLoosa Ali Baba or Tuscaloosa, Ala
    Ratings:
    +8
    i feel you

    some people can say they sympathize or empathize with you and the deeper a person's pain, the harder it is to actually sympathize (sym=same or synonymous) pathize (from pity=sorrow) so, sympathy is to feel a similar sorrow. I can't sympathize with anyone's current dilemmas because i havemy own. I don't use the pain of others to lighten my load or burden myself either. You are going through your movie and you are the main actress. I can em pathize (em=express, show, signify) my pity because of past events that were similar i.e. the recent car crash with your brother, the whoopins, the hateful vibes. so, with all that said, I FEEL YOU and empathize with you. Sending my love and a lil' bit of strength. Shuga Shane
     
  9. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2004
    Messages:
    7,007
    Likes Received:
    160
    Occupation:
    day care provider (own business)
    Location:
    Brick City
    Ratings:
    +161
    What I see is a "Miracle" ...You beat all the odds that was against you, ..what does that say?
    It says:
    You are here to re-birth the Universe!
    blow away all things that has no worth.

    TO bring this whirl back to it's original spin,
    re-unite with both friends and kin.

    Yes, your birth is very special on this plane,
    that's why Yemoja'sGoddess is your name
     
  10. kemetkind

    kemetkind Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2005
    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    60
    Ratings:
    +61
    Beautiful

    This piece makes the protector in me want to reach out and hold you close.

    I used to write poetry all the time. I don't anymore.

    And I no longer find many poems that move me. This one did.

    Thank you for that. :flowers:
     
Loading...