Quiet Poetry Lounge : I Remember

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by FloReal916, Nov 3, 2005.

  1. FloReal916

    FloReal916 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Mama please take me to church with you, can I please go with you?
    No baby stay home with daddy okay! Stay home with daddy
    So I stayed home with daddy…but see every time mama went away
    It seemed like it was daddy’s time to have me.
    I remember…I still remember…keeping these memories alive
    Like yesterday was 1985…on how…he used…to touch me.
    I remember sitting down coloring in my book with thoughts in my head of
    “ Maybe tonight he’d just go to bed”
    And just when I thought the coast was clear…I’d hear…a deep voice say
    “Baby girl come sit down right here”
    So I would sit kneeling down over the bed while he…
    He would take the tip of his penis head…. and stroke it slowly back & forth down the crack of my behind…and me…
    I would just try to envision another place & time in my mind! Because actions like this could damage a young girl who’s only six.
    Then six minutes later he was ejaculating on my booty cheek
    4 quick wipes with tissue and then sending me to sleep.
    Seem like Friday nights it took Mama forever to get home
    Couldn’t understand why she kept leaving me alone…with this pervert
    But I couldn’t blame her because she had no idea I was being hurt.
    So I would sit & contemplate on how to tell her, but I could never muster up enough strength when it was time, so I would be stuck at Mama! Uuh uuh! And she would say “what girl what? & Because I was scared I would follow up with a stupid comment like Chicken butt… Just
    Trying to get her mind off of thinking that it was something serious while all the while this beast of a father was getting more curious… about my body.
    Months would go by, and I still didn’t know how to tell her
    So I would try to give her the eye, in hopes that she would pick up the vibes I tried to send her…I remember, I still remember
    There were times I didn’t understand
    Why my stomach unwillingly felt good
    All from the touch of his hand
    Fingering across my womanhood
    I’d say “Whatcha doin daddy” “He’d say I’m tickling you baby”
    But tickling makes you laugh, SO WHY WAS I NOT LAUGHING!!
    Instead I was burning on the inside with emotions of wanting to cry
    Wanting to know & ask this man why?
    What is it that turns you on about a six year old girl?
    How do you concept the thought in your world…that this is sexy?
    See men like this vex me and this tormented me until I was 18.
    Because at 18 I called myself having a man…and he couldn’t understand
    Why I wouldn’t give him fellatio…but since I was to scared to speak on it, he would say if your not giving me head u gotta go!
    But what he didn’t know… is that I was forced to give head at 6 years old
    And then being told…it’s okay baby… it’ll make your hair grow!
    See I wanted nothing more but to open up to him as well as my mother
    But when you have someone in your ear saying things like
    “if you even think about telling another”…I’ll hurt you
    So you tell me what am I supposed to do?
    Do I risk being hurt, or let this hurt continue (the way I see it, is either way I was still being hurt) so since it was a lose, lose situation
    With out any hesitation… I decided to talk
    And because I didn’t know how to say it but playfully, it was brushed off!
    So I’m back to square one again, with these feelings bottled in
    Trying to figure out a way to let self heal
    Not wanting to…but having to train my brain to learn how to deal
    Praying that God would take away this pain so I wouldn’t have to feel
    Since I gave it to him…God did just that
    He gave me the strength to keep going without ever having to look back
    This man tried to break me ya’ll…BUT I’M STILL HERE!
    Standing strong telling you this story with no shame or fear
    THAT I MADE IT! And you can too!
    Ladies don’t let the mental stress overtake you…find someone to talk to!
    That’s why I’m sharing this in case you’ve been here & need a friend to help you get thru… Flo-Real’s here to inspire you…encourage you & to let you know that you are beautiful…See despite of what may have happened in my childhood, I’m no longer consumed with pain, all thanks to God for bringing sunshine thru my rain, just trust in him…and for you he will do the same!
     
  2. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That was some testimony of God's love and the power within us to survive, sister FloReal916. And as I felt myself whincing through some of the lines, we never know who we may help, or heal, when we release from the heart through words. Thank you for this sister.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    deeply felt and grace'd by the power of God's love to heal
    and give you a better day ahead , you weather the storm
    and now to tell it so thy sistas who may feel this destruction
    can rise also...........as i felt this a shower of anger hits of
    why !

    My biggest Quote::
    Who has the rites to a virgin .....NOBODY !
     
  4. FloReal916

    FloReal916 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you for the responses! This is something that God laid on my heart to write about so I know someone needs it somewhere!

    Be blessed
     
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