Mama please take me to church with you, can I please go with you? No baby stay home with daddy okay! Stay home with daddy So I stayed home with daddy…but see every time mama went away It seemed like it was daddy’s time to have me. I remember…I still remember…keeping these memories alive Like yesterday was 1985…on how…he used…to touch me. I remember sitting down coloring in my book with thoughts in my head of “ Maybe tonight he’d just go to bed” And just when I thought the coast was clear…I’d hear…a deep voice say “Baby girl come sit down right here” So I would sit kneeling down over the bed while he… He would take the tip of his penis head…. and stroke it slowly back & forth down the crack of my behind…and me… I would just try to envision another place & time in my mind! Because actions like this could damage a young girl who’s only six. Then six minutes later he was ejaculating on my booty cheek 4 quick wipes with tissue and then sending me to sleep. Seem like Friday nights it took Mama forever to get home Couldn’t understand why she kept leaving me alone…with this pervert But I couldn’t blame her because she had no idea I was being hurt. So I would sit & contemplate on how to tell her, but I could never muster up enough strength when it was time, so I would be stuck at Mama! Uuh uuh! And she would say “what girl what? & Because I was scared I would follow up with a stupid comment like Chicken butt… Just Trying to get her mind off of thinking that it was something serious while all the while this beast of a father was getting more curious… about my body. Months would go by, and I still didn’t know how to tell her So I would try to give her the eye, in hopes that she would pick up the vibes I tried to send her…I remember, I still remember There were times I didn’t understand Why my stomach unwillingly felt good All from the touch of his hand Fingering across my womanhood I’d say “Whatcha doin daddy” “He’d say I’m tickling you baby” But tickling makes you laugh, SO WHY WAS I NOT LAUGHING!! Instead I was burning on the inside with emotions of wanting to cry Wanting to know & ask this man why? What is it that turns you on about a six year old girl? How do you concept the thought in your world…that this is sexy? See men like this vex me and this tormented me until I was 18. Because at 18 I called myself having a man…and he couldn’t understand Why I wouldn’t give him fellatio…but since I was to scared to speak on it, he would say if your not giving me head u gotta go! But what he didn’t know… is that I was forced to give head at 6 years old And then being told…it’s okay baby… it’ll make your hair grow! See I wanted nothing more but to open up to him as well as my mother But when you have someone in your ear saying things like “if you even think about telling another”…I’ll hurt you So you tell me what am I supposed to do? Do I risk being hurt, or let this hurt continue (the way I see it, is either way I was still being hurt) so since it was a lose, lose situation With out any hesitation… I decided to talk And because I didn’t know how to say it but playfully, it was brushed off! So I’m back to square one again, with these feelings bottled in Trying to figure out a way to let self heal Not wanting to…but having to train my brain to learn how to deal Praying that God would take away this pain so I wouldn’t have to feel Since I gave it to him…God did just that He gave me the strength to keep going without ever having to look back This man tried to break me ya’ll…BUT I’M STILL HERE! Standing strong telling you this story with no shame or fear THAT I MADE IT! And you can too! Ladies don’t let the mental stress overtake you…find someone to talk to! That’s why I’m sharing this in case you’ve been here & need a friend to help you get thru… Flo-Real’s here to inspire you…encourage you & to let you know that you are beautiful…See despite of what may have happened in my childhood, I’m no longer consumed with pain, all thanks to God for bringing sunshine thru my rain, just trust in him…and for you he will do the same!