Black Relationships : i need some advice

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by manifested, Jul 7, 2003.

  1. manifested

    manifested Active Member MEMBER

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    okay y'all...

    there's this woman.
    i have known her for about two years now, and i have loved her since the first day i laid eyes on her. Unfortunately, love at first sight had to wait, seeing as how i was in a volatile relationship. Volatile; but a relationship nonetheless. This woman and I have been friends and have grown quite fond of each other, or at least i feel, and I am currently no longer in that relationship. The dilemma is, I am a person that takes stock in honesty, and I haven't been totally honest to this woman. I have told my ex how i felt about this woman, expressing how strong my feelings were, but i made sure to make her, or try to make her understand that this woman was not the reason for me wanting to end the relationship. While on the other hand, I didn't tell the woman i want so badly to be with how deeply i felt for her. My ex-girlfriend currently lives in the same small city and attends the same school as me, which has made the break-up very, very tough, simply because i see her on a regular basis, and she has expressed to me on more than one occasion that she wants to get back together. I don't want her though, i want who i want. I want who i need. This woman has had my heart for a long time now, i just don't know how to get through to her. I know that she sometimes sees my "disappearing acts" as a form of me going back to my ex, since this woman and i live a good distance away from each other, buit that isn't the case at all. She knows everything that goes on in my day to day...and has no reason to be paranoid about me or any backsliding on my part. With all that said, i guess my question is...

    How do i

    a) totally rid myself of my ex without changing my area code

    and...

    b) let the woman i am pursuing know without question that she is the embodiment of everything i ever needed?

    might not be the secret to life...but i was just hoping you all could offer up some advice.

    thanks fam.
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Manifested--welcome!! :wave:

    You describe a delicate dilemma and pose some very good questions.

    I'm not sure what the answers are that you don't know or haven't tried already. I think that if you continue to behave consistenly in ways that convey your feelings and remain honest to your feelings, that eventually the message will not only be sent but understood by all involved.

    You can't "make" anyone understand what you're feeling. They have to arrive at that conclusion themselves. You can only try to do the best that you can to live in a way that reflects how you think and feel and the rest will be up to others to either believe you or not.

    Don't go out of your way to crush your ex's heart but at the same time you should be honest with her, as much as you're trying to be with your love interest.

    Relax....breathe...and just be yourself...pursue the lady of choice but don't stalk her. If she doesn't trust you and you know that you've done nothing to give her reasons not to, then it may be a good time to step back to think deeper about whether there might be some issues there or not.

    I know you wrote that she is the embodiment of everything you've ever needed...but I would still suggest that you approach this relationship carefully and gradually so that you can go into it with your eyes wide open.

    Peace and Good luck!
     
  3. Zoya

    Zoya Member MEMBER

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    Interestingly so?

    Hey Manifested!!

    I just felt I had to put my two cents in...

    See you say you have not been completely honest with this woman, why not? Do you feel that she has been dishonest with you?
    Has anyone ever told you that action speaks louder than words? Well such applies in the world of a woman, no matter how many times you may say something she will not believe unless you practice what you preach. In other words if you love that other woman, why the disappearing acts? To echo the words of NNQueen, do you give her reasons to be paranoid?

    Now pertaining to your questions...

    If you were quite assertive with your ex, and that doesn't work then I don't know what to suggest. If she gets crazy (like Lynn Whitfield in Thin Line between Love and Hate) get a restraining order and jet (lol). Its awesome that you have been truthful to both parties at least.

    Your second question...simply tell her. I mean if you care for her as much as you say, spend time with her, show her what you mean. Look into her eyes and say excatly what your heart feels. I say this because I've been there, all I wanted was just that. I only wanted him to spend time with me, and tell me how he felt face to face. You know the sayin...the eyes are windows to the soul. I find this to be so very true, eyes never lie.

    Hey, if she still doesn't come around, I'm available :wink:
     
  4. MORE

    MORE Banned MEMBER

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    well, my two cents is this: u must be honest with yourself---make a choice and stick to it. if you want this women, go after her, see what it can be

    if you don't want this other woman, cut her loose, don't call or see her,,make ur departure sweet and smooth, but depart nonetheless.....

    ur wasting time wondering bout somebody u don't want---use that energy to get the one u do want----

    whatever the case make a decision and stick with it, don't make the situation more confusing.:love: :love: :love:
     
  5. thepoetsean

    thepoetsean Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks you all
     
  6. Dee_milwaukee

    Dee_milwaukee Member MEMBER

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    My suggestion to you is, look towards the future. How many more years do you have before you graduate?
    After you graduate, will you seek employment out of state?
    who's future plans does your future plans match up with the most?

    Basically, you always want the women who's going in the same direction that you're going, forget all the irrelavant compatabilities.

    By using the future forecast, it should help you line up your ducks.

    Also, if you are a believer, meaning a man fully dedicated to GOD.
    Stay in strong prayer, specifically praying agianst the spirit of "lust" because, lust usually is the main demonic force or spirit that keeps you in this impatient crossroad.
     
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