Black Women : I NEED HELP: LOST

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by faith01, Sep 24, 2005.

  1. faith01

    faith01 Member MEMBER

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    I'm a 27 year old female, and I'm in a very dark place in my life right now. I think that things have finally mounted on my spirit and I'm close to breaking. I suppose it has alot to do with my past: When I was younger, around 17, I started to work in a bikini club to make money because I had a few bills and I didn't want to ask my parents for money because they were struggling. We had just sold our house and moved to apartments to get on our feet. I managed to pay all my bills, and to complete college. My family and myself winded up staying in apartments for longer than anticipated, and when I finished college I decided to start my own business to help with monetary obligations, and move us out of apartments because I had good credit. My father did help with my business and it became successful. A few years later I bought a beautiful home, and told my parents that they could have this home and the business if they'd just get along ( I suppose I thought that they fought all the time while I was growing up because of money issues, and I would rectify that situation with my help!), at that time I was 23. I planned to go back to college to obtain a second degree and finally focus on my life and getting a home of my own, however as I was attending school, everything started to change: My dad start having an affair, and ran my business in the ground!! My dad moved out and I took a financial blow. My credit was destroyed, and in order to pay bills, I started dancing again!! My life has been a cycle of pain. I don't really have anyone to talk to. I feel alone and wore out.Currently, things have gotten better, and my business is doing good thanks to God. My dad and mom are finally cordial even though they're apart. I no longer live at home, however, my mom has the house which is fine, and I have another smaller place. Things are still rocky: A couple months ago, my father was arrested, and that nearly killed me. I started usind drugs to ease the pain, but they just make me more depressed. I'm so sad and feel lost. I don't even know where to begin to fix things. I have an okay life financially (now), but none of it matters because I feel empty. Can someone please give me advice
     
  2. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    looks like the only place you'll find peace is internally!!

    it's commendable that you would do so much to help hold your family together! but everybody is ultimately only responsible for themselves. grab YOU! be YOU! you've got good heart; put it to work for YOU!

    ain't gonna lecture about the drugs; you do seem to recognize that potential trap.

    almost sounds like the "empty nest" syndrome in reverse. mom and dad have sense enough to know what they are doing, and the possible consequences. yeah, it hurts; but as you've experienced, you can't hold their hand all the time. and even when you just hand it to them, or, maybe, especially when you just hand it to them, sometimes it just ain't enough.

    it's a tough one!! remember that you did put the business together; you did buy the house; you have managed to maintain your space!! make sure you maintain YOU!!

    Strength, Peace and Good Energies to YOU!! You can do it again; never doubt or forget that!!
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    you should find a therapist to talk to.........

    just looking at what you say it seems as if you are the adult and your parents are the children.
    isn't it supposed to be the other way around?

    all the dancers i know blow all the money that they make.
    if you can dance and save the cash, you should be able to do something for yourself.

    you need to stop worrying about everybody else and take care of you.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome faith01 to destee.com
    surely deep within you already know your worth and no one can pose advice you need
    fully but i think you should seek some therapy and understand that you are worthy even
    in the depth of struggling or how you rise , somehow you got side tracked in belief but knows
    the different of right and wrong , do you and become clear with self first ...Try prayer and hold
    faith surely things will change what you asking you already know the answers too.
     
  5. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Welcome to the forum Sister faith!

    I'm sure you will receive lots of great advice to help you through these tough times.

    I understand how you may be feeling right now; we all go through emotional hardships one time or another. First Sister, you must dig deeper into the pain and emotions. Remember the first time you ever felt hurt and disappointed. Ask yourself, why did it hurt you so. Get down to the root of it. Out of all the emotions we feel, in reality there are only two: Love and Fear. These two are the root of all our emotional bliss.

    Then you must understand things happens sometimes, the only person you are responsible for is you. You can not expect people to do things the way you want them. If they happen to work with your program, it was their choice alone to do so. Life experiences are present to help us grow. Use this experience move forward. Find the things you,ve learned most about yourself. Evaluate them. If it was something that you didn't like, change that.

    Most important of all, learn to love yourself more. You are wonderful! Everything you desire, you deserve. I know life don't always seem like peaches and cream, but on the real , life is everything we make it out to be. choose only the best for you and go for it.
     
  6. sonnee01

    sonnee01 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Don't Give Up

    Hello faith01....

    I'm your sister Sonnee01, thank you for giving me this opportunity to share with you.

    Life in itself is truly a trip! Wow, you have been through a lot, but please be assured that you are not alone. We all are dealing with issues on a daily... believe that. Just last week I felt like running... where you might ask... I don't know, I just wanted to run.

    Right now my life is taking me through a chapter that I have not clue as to how it will end, but I have to hang out to see what happens.

    You sound like a focused person, so try to take a min. and re-group and do what you have to do in order to help yourself. Don't allow anyone or anyting to control you. You could have a fun filled life ahead of you, but this is something you have to choose to do, and only you can make that decision. Hey the drug thing...well I too have been there and done that...but that was only for a min., but you know what... at the end of the day I still had to deal with my reality. So pull yourself together and do what you know you need to do.

    Please know that I am communicating to you what I feel you have the ability to do, the choice is up to you...make it happen...you can do it. I know this sounds hard, but sometimes hard is what we need... tomorrow is not a promise so please don't waste too much more time... make it happen faith01.

    By the way... what does your name mean to you?


    Much Love
     
  7. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    welcome to the site faith01

    "games people play" by Berne is a good read.
     
  8. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    PEACE FAITH01 & Welcome aboard Destee.com,

    Know first of all that your family here loves you!.......Don't know how you found this site, but I do know you found it as we all have for a positive reason & outcome. The stregnth you are looking for is already inside of you as you have already demonstrated in the past with your successful business and trying to keep the family together as a young woman........

    I do want to say that your father seems to have chosen his path & for you to be free you have to set him free from you....note, that I did not say to stop loving him as you do....but there comes a time when a relationship between parent and child leads one or the other to drugs that PART of that relationship is no more............don't let him continue to hurt you!

    You are a very motivated and strong sister & so many younger and older than you need your presence so that can see what true stregnth is.......

    Your extended family is here for you!!

    peace
     
  9. faith01

    faith01 Member MEMBER

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    Thank You so Much!!!!

    I really appreciate the responses I received from everyone! Thank you. I'm just trying to take my life one day at a time, and am trying to obtain spiritual cleansing. I'm reading a few books and might try therapy if I can find a cognitive behavioural specialist that can help me. I really want to change, and I feel that in my darkest time that God is always with me. I know that I can overcome many things if I put my faith and mental strength at work. I think I just need time to heal, and to forgive my family and more importantly myself. I really love my parents and they love me, and things will get better. God smiles at all of us, and I'm glad that HE loves me. Thank you!!
     
  10. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey Sister

    shakin my head...the things life throws at us...smh again
    Well, you have already taken the 1st step..asking for help. Now you must get help for the drug use. You said yourself they make you more depressed and it's really adding on to your mountain of troubles. I'm wondering if you are a Cancer like me. We tend to care for others when a lot of times our own need get neglected. I know you want to help your family but you must get yourdself str8 1st before you can be of any use to some1 else. One thing I didn't see mentioned in your story is God. I think you need to reach out to Him. Find yourself a church home. Don't focus so much on the people but focus on building your relationship with God. I really do wish you well and I pray all of this will work out for the best. Keep us posted. Peace :heart:
     
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