Black Relationships : I have a true question to ask of the group

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by CALLEDRAIN, Nov 13, 2005.

  1. CALLEDRAIN

    CALLEDRAIN Member MEMBER

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    I have a spouse whom i think is cheating
    though myself am guilty of this same crime ( a true dog some might say) I am not in the least bit upset with the thought, and not because i don't care; i love her deeply. It is not because I think it's only fair because i'm just happy she comes home to me. So; at this point i really don't think neither one of us would leave the other if caught. Now tell me how da hell did i get to this place in my emotions, and is this healthy? MEN AND WOMEN please respond.
     
  2. Sanaiah25

    Sanaiah25 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, I would certainly hope that your wife is not cheating on you, however if she is and you are willing to forgive her, then maybe the two of you will make things work. You should probably talk about the entire situation with her, so that way if you decide to work on the marriage, some changes can be made so this behavior won't be repeated by either one of you in the future. Good luck to both of you, forgiveness is underrated in this world :love: :hearts2:
     
  3. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, since you know you're guilty of the same crime, it isn't so much a surprise to you that she'd step out on you. Seems like you smelt it coming. You sound like you love her, but you're not as mad, because you've already given a part of yourself/love to another woman. It is normal to feel shallow about the one supposedly love after cheating. Would you consider an open relationship, or can you fathom the thought of sharing your woman. Have her feelings seemingly changed toward you? Sadly, it looks like the love is slipping away. However there are small things you can do to reconcile ya'lls love:


    1) If you're too nervous/shy, you can leave her a nice poem in the bathroom before she goes to work, this will give her all day to soak in what you feel.

    2) Whisper 'sweet nothings' as you pass her by around the house.

    3) If you two are married, you should take a more serious approach: family counseling from supportive family members, or marriage counseling.

    4) Take into considerations the small things she may 'complain' about. Think these things over. Hey, the pet peeves are the worst during a time like this. They may be the straw that breaks the camels back.

    5) Be straight foward, confess, let her know you are suspicious of her behavior first, then let her know what you've been doing.

    Perhaps your conscious is getting the best of you. Paranoia perhaps. What signs are she showing that make you think she's stepping out on you?
    Women can be trippy sometimes, but trust&believe, you had better keep it in yo pants if you want a real lady in ya life.:angel1:
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    wow....this should be in the Relationship forum
    if you feel she is, could it be because you have cheated !
    and if married i agree you two need to sit down and have an open talk
    about your feeling and confess your sins if needed seek help from family
    or get some counseling , there is a problem in the relationship that need
    attention, you can get caught up in mess quick but hard to get out of
    cheating is not the answer unless the feeling are gone for one , you need
    to find out what she really feel and what you feel for her and express them
    to move past any doubts

    if you not upset with your woman cheating then i must say deep inside you don't
    care and not careful because you should worry she could bring home something
    you can't shake off as well your self becareful how you play game don't let the game
    play you..........Good luck on working through this maze of confusion...
     
  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brother Calledrain:

    Ultimately I think only you can answer: How did I get to this point. Also only you can determine if this is how you want to live. Obviously guilt is playing a role in your current attitude. You seem to think that you deserve punishment for your previous betrayal of your wife's trust. However marriage is not the place to play *** for tat (revenge). Both partners cheating on each other within a marriage is a clear indication that the union is failing. It should not be ignored from either party! Also women tend to become more emotionally involved with their "jump offs" than men. The more she cheats, the greater possibility that she may not come home one day. If you want the relationship to last, I suggest counseling. Lastly infidelity is more than a emotional betrayal, it physically puts one's partner at risk (STDs). Therefore If I was in your place, I definately wouldn't ignore my wife possibly cheating on me. If nothing else I'd insist on using protection (which could also be a good starting point for discussing the circumstances of your marriage).
     
  6. Lloyd

    Lloyd Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Love will have the last word
     
  7. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    CalledRain

    If you are guilty of adultery yourself then you FIRST need to stop and repent of your own sins, then confront your wife with the evidence you have of her behavior.

    If it is true that she was cheating then you need to admit to her what you did and then you either both work through it or go your own separate ways.

    This isn't the 18th century.

    You don't HAVE TO get married just to say "Ize marred nah" and please your families and community.

    If you guys aren't ready for marriage then split and stop the adultery and deception.
     
  8. GmoneyP2010

    GmoneyP2010 Active Member MEMBER

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    GREED- Is one of the 7 sins.....I highly suggest counseling for the both of you, talk about it and if its OK to have an open marriage, than more power to you.....These days cheating is very dangerous AIDS is Real. It would be a shame if you both died out of being selfish.
     
  9. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    to calledrane

    look first of all i'm surprised you didnt go off on her. because men in they eyes feel its ok to cheat but the woman must remain faithful. two wrongs don't make it right. i think its time you both admit there's been some infidility involved. and try to work out the reason both of ya'll have to fine pleasure somewhere else. there could be many factors why ya'll seeking pleasure from other people. but let me tell ya playboy make sure you strapped and hopefully for her. cause i hate to see you on a future show of Maury Povich. cause you know uncle johnny been playing around in the back yard. and now she pregnant with your baby and your brother. you don't want to know the baby she carrying could be somebody else. to hear Maury say these famous words calledrain when it comes to 8 month shania you are not the father and this is your reaction:jawdrop: . i rest my case just giving you a worst case scenario. so to avoid this drama on down the line lets straighten out honey. or else revert back to the Maury example you be the judge.
     
  10. YellowLime

    YellowLime Active Member MEMBER

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    I personally don't see anything wrong with an open relationship if that is the life you all choose to live but cheating on someone is disrespectful. I think that you all need to discuss why you can't be happy with just one another and try to sort it out or end it before it becomes ugly. Hiding your actions from a spouse is not right, you all are supposed to be a team.
     
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