I Have a Relationship Problem

Discussion in 'Black Teenagers - Teenz Exprezzed!' started by DestinyLove222, Jun 18, 2005.

  1. DestinyLove222

    DestinyLove222 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am 18 years old and I work at the public library in my home town. I meet this guy at the library and he is 25 years old. We hit it off really well and the other day I texted him and said that I am glad he is not the type to play games, cause I reallly hate guys who play games. Games are for kids. So he texted back that my friendship is too valuable for him to play games. I want to be more than his friend though, and I texted to him that I wanted to be more than his friend. He brings out a different side of me. I feel so happy when I am with him. What should I do? He has a good job, and we have so much fun together. I haven't had happiness like this in a long time.
     
  2. Sun Ship

    Sun Ship Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In a few years, a 7 year gap won't mean much. But now...?

    Well Sister DestinyLove222, its obvious you just came of age to even be considering a relationship with a 25-year-old male. But let’s continue toward the issue you’re going to face, because you are at the first level of adulthood and theirs no turning back.

    If this guy is making you feel this wonderful already, I don’t think anybody’s comments here, are going to keep you from investigating this brother even more. But these are the things you must understand. The fact that he’s 25 and established with (as you say) a “good job”, what interest will he have in a eighteen year old female outside of a sexual relationship?

    Yes there will probably be lots of fun, excitement, learning and wonderful dialogue, but at the end of the day, a 25 year old man is looking at 18 year old female for only one thing; Sex!

    For a male to put himself in that position at twenty-five, he's maybe either full of game (secretly) or very naive himself, for manytimes it’s hard for a male to be always honest with himself at 25, let alone his intentions with young and nubile 18 year old female. He maybe feeding on your innocence, just as you are feeding on his maturity. And I wonder if he is as mature as you think he is? (just wondering..)

    If you’re only 18, it would seems you’re not too long out of high school. Again I ask, what does an 18-year-old high school grad with a job at the local library has to offer to a suppossedly mature 25-year-old somewhat established male? ...and I'm not trying to insult your intelligence or belittle you.

    Now I know there is sometimes a maturity gap between many males and very intelligent females in your age bracket, but you must be realistic. If you’re not mature enough to handle a "short-term relationship" based on some similar interest and convenience, than heartbreak might be right around the corner. I just hope you’re spending just as much energy on developing your own future (like college or other training) as you are pondering a relationship with a man 7 years older than you. The gap in years is not such a big deal when you get older, as they are when you’re 18, so don’t try to reason your choice away by looking at some older adults you know. Don’t worry; you’ll eventually see how different you’ll see the world at 25, compared to where you are now.

    But I’m just trying to get you to think, because if you’re old enough to go to war and vote, than you’re old enough to start thinking like an adult. Some of the sisters here will give you some further first hand knowledge of what you should do.

    Peace,

    Brother Sun Ship:cool:


    PS...would you consider dating a 18 year old male, when you turn 25? ...just something to think about... :thinking:
     
  3. miss-no-love

    miss-no-love Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think that you should give it a try ma.
     
  4. Deepvoice

    Deepvoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I would say go ahead girls are met to be with older guys anyway thats how it it is suppose to work and I'm 19 so I would hate on him but I know better. I know when I get about 50 something I wan't me a female that is about 21,lol
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello DestinyLove ... :wave:

    I have to agree with Brother Sun Ship, i think this is too big of a gap, considering your current ages.

    At 18, you should be thinking about college, or your future life. Are you going to college? You work at the library, that is a good place to work, especially if you're going to college! :)

    The next few years in your life, is really the time to be laying the foundation for the rest of your life. You can have your life set, if you focus right now, and make good decisions ... but you must remain focused!

    I believe the number one thing that keeps young girls from focusing, is boys. Now, it's not quite so bad if the boy is your own age, focused on the same things you are ... but a whole grown man ... 25 years old?!! No Sister, don't let him mess up your life, using you as some play toy ... 'cause you're really just a baby to him, or should be!

    Why is he having to deal with 18 year olds? Why can't he get someone his own age? Is he too immature for women his own age, or do they too easily recognize his pitiful game ... 'cause it is game Sister, don't think otherwise for a minute ... game that is much easier passed off on a young, naive 18 year old than a woman his own age!!

    Something is wrong with him that he is pursing you.

    Not that you couldn't be all that and then some, don't misunderstand me.

    But a man his age, that truly cares about you, your future, and the choices you make in your life, will not to try get with you ... but he would be trying to protect you from men his age!

    I know it's hard these days, being 18, but Sister ... if you can, use this time to focus on you and your life and your goals ... don't let any man be central to your life right now, unless it is your Father or Brother!

    25 year old males and 18 year old females = Single Parent Mommas, far too often.

    Don't fall in the trap ... 'cause it is a trap.

    You can say, "Destee told me!" :wink:

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    (tie breaker? <g> one male one female saying no; one male one female saying go. Would be interesting to consider the ages of the respective opinion, no? A 19 yo male offers an agreeing viewpoint, I don't know the age of the other agreeing viewpoint. The disagreeing female viewpoint is, shall we say, older than you, but younger than me; I don't know the age of the other disagreeing viewpoint. Me, I'm fifty this year; it would be interesting to see what pdiane would counsel. <g> I'm coming in in the middle leaning more toward CAUTIOUS, THOUGHTFUL agreement with an at least six month abstinant trial.)

    I think I'm gonna hafta disagree a little bit with some of the comments that have been posted so far. A 25 yo male ain't all that much of a "grown man". Not quite yet. He should be getting there, and maybe, yeah; the women his age are looking at older men, since they, too, might would be more mature than he is.

    While it could seem that there is an age gap between an 18 year old female, and a 25 year old male, I truly feel that y'all are the same age, emotionally. In fact, at 25, a fella could be said to be "younger" than a 18 year old female.

    Women mature faster than males! Yup! At 18, she'll generally have just a little bit more sense than a 25 year old male.

    Want some "proof": SHE IS ASKING THE QUESTION INSTEAD OF JUST JUMPING INTO IT. Would a 25 yo male do the same if he was in her shoes?

    If a 25 yo woman got interested in an 18 yo male; he would not ask question one! ("Stella", any one?) I suppose some would bring the consideration that he couldn't get pregnant at that age and have that for the rest of his life, whereas the 18 yo young woman would be stuck with it while that 25 yo male would be like "I'm too young to be tied down like that!" or some such twaddle. But since you're asking the question, it is more than likely that you have given thought to these consequences.

    What was it, "Little Women"? "A wife should be half of her husband's age plus 7 years." 25/2=12.5+7=19.5

    <shrug> Think really hard, be true to you, be very careful and give him at least 6 months to a year of your time - without neither of you taking your pants off! If there is something on the other side - he did say he didn't want to jeopdize your friendship - he'll be around and be willing to put up with a "chastity belt".

    On the other hand, you aren't old enough to have had a "long time" to not have had "happiness like this". It's about more than the job and the good fun.
     
  7. FiveAlive

    FiveAlive Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm 27, male, and I agree with those who say 'no'. As for the last poster, different individuals mature at different rates and ages. It's not for sure if a 25 year old man is a 'real man' yet or not. But I guarantee that he's a heckuva lot more experienced at love and the game than an 18 year old girl. He's doing it already, his line to her was simple, but look how worked up he got her "Your friendship is too valuable to me to play games." Riiiiight. And I have no doubt that a 25 year old man will have little difficulty putting heavy mental and emotional pressure on an 18 year old girl. Plus, she's already made a wrong move by showing him how interested in him she is. This *relationship* will require no effort on his part. All he has to do is TELL her that he's really into her. He doesn't even have to demonstrate that he's into her, just say it and she'll believe it, then he can act however he wants to act and she'll be in loooove. She's approaching this with romantic notions, but realistically, she's like a kid.

    Looking at it from his perspective---She can't go places he wants to go. Does she live at home with her family still? If he visits her at home, is her family looking at him like a child molester? If so, he ain't gonna go visit. Go visit and sit up in her room...yeah, right. And if he ain't gonna visit at her house, he's gonna have her coming over to his house, and you know what that means..... (I quote from 2LiveCrew, "Me So Horny"---"You told your mama that we're goin out, but never to the movies, just straight to my house...")
    Can she come over whenever she wants, and stay? Or does she have a curfew? Are her folks gonna be all up in his business? Is she gonna have a temper tantrum if he wants to go out drinking with his boys? Or pout and sulk or feel hurt? Who wants to deal with that?

    An older woman can come and go as she pleases. Without sneaking. She can meet me after work for drinks and dinner. An older woman has been in a few relationships by now and knows (hopefully) how to make them work.

    And what about when she hits 21 and wants to start partying and showing her sexy tail off? He's getting close to the age when a lot of dudes start looking to settle down, and she's getting to the age when a lot of girls wanna be wild. How's that gonna work?

    In this situaiton, he can do whatever he wants, and he will. Wanna go to the club and holla at other women every night? No problem, it's not like she's old enough to get in and catch him. Work provides an easy excuse anytime he doesn't want to see her. --"Oh, I'm sorry baby, I got tied down at work...I'm gonna have to work late tonight babe. etc etc.. And really, what is there to talk about with an 18 year old girl? NOTHING!

    Also Destee, you asked why is he pursuing her---she never said he was pursuing her, she's pursuing him. From what she wrote, it sounds to me like he's letting her be the agressor, but I'm sure he'll take the drawzz as soon as she offers them.
     
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